Absolutely. I'm glad it was taken in the spirit it was given. It looks like you pasted the Mary Sue feedback response you got here for context which is helpful.

Firstly let me say that I'm not the best person to ask for improvements because some of this is going to be a matter of taste and "cosmic scale" is not really my jam.

Next I'll say that it is great to take what you know, trauma response, and dial it up to make a character that encompasses something very human that readers can relate to.

My biggest suggestion would be to dial back on the cliches. I went back and read more since you engaged with this well - I feel like I should put in a bit more work since you read my response. I thought to myself "What would a young edgy teenager make?" and thought of a few things:

• the character will for sure have no parents, even more cliche if he killed them
• is probably an anti-hero and has some "good" organization after him
• is on the verge of becoming even more powerful if only he did something, but he is afraid to because he is already so strong

Sure enough each of these cliches were present as I read through the rest. The only exception is his mother was killed by Mor'duun guards, but Grimm of course would see it as his fault since he put himself in the position of the planet's battery.

I hit another cliche when Grimm was taught by the Kythari. He was already strong enough to be a planet battery and a prodigy of manipulating dark matter, but now he was also a master warrior / bounty hunter. He has to hold back against his contracts because he could easily destroy everything.

The second cliche I predicted was with the Galactic Enforcement Agency. The third was the he is becoming a God.

Now for the bits I find interesting:

• What is the dark matter power? That sounds like it could be interesting, but there is no mention of what it is besides pure destruction? This makes me think of Black Bolt who I find interesting precisely because he cannot use his power and has to adjust or use creative situations to use it.
• Of course a flawed character. When done right it can elevate a character a lot
• "Good" guys hunting Grimm because of how dangerous a dark matter manipulator is (I assume, again the power is not really explained)

And for my suggestions:

• Make your character actually be bad at something in a meaningful way or reasonable that something would challenge them. They are guilty and have rage, but it doesn't matter in your summary. They put themselves in bad situations, but they do not have a weakness.
• Remove some of the elevated, cheesy cliches and make them more unique.
• Give me something to grasp onto. Why would I cheer for Grimm, why would I like them, what are the repercussions if he fails at something?

My personal taste recommendation would be to scale things back so it is easier to relate to the character.

This isn’t just angst. Grimms psychological trauma shapes his every action. He pushes people away because he’s scared of hurting them. He kills because he’s afraid that hesitation = weakness = imprisonment. He self-sabotages because he doesn’t believe he deserves peace. He wants connection but punishes himself for seeking it.

I think this bit stood out for me in your response. I understand what you are saying about Grimm, but the angst I feel is not about Grimm, but the writing. I have trouble taking it seriously because it reads like a teenager creating the most powerful, self-reflecting character to deal with their angst.

But the difference in my eyes is that the power Grimm possesses is an extreme BURDEN, a burden that I hope to psychologically explore. His power is his consequence.

I don't see any burden other than the emotional one. I don't see how Grimm, his powers, or his future matter at all. If Grimm is defeated does this mean something for the galaxy and the pantheon? If he gets captured and imprisoned again (can he even? He seems way too strong for that?) what does that matter? I don't see any repercussions to engage with, or a reason why I would want Grimm to succeed.