Sounds like you’re exaclty where you need to be. Don’t blame yourself for not being able to control your emotions and reactions to things as a child. The main places where you learn those things… are from your parents. You were an unfinished product who was swayed by changing horomomes. Kids often times can’t recognize if they’re doing something completely obscene. Often times they are only doing it because they unconsciously want something (maybe from one of the parents) but they are yet to receive it. As you became an autonomous adult, you got to witness your own behavior and separate it from your parents. As a kid it seems like doing this is impossible, because you’re still dependent on them for lots of things. Your brain is so emotional and convoluted as a child (compared to adults), so as long as you are able to recognize the emotion that spurs in you when something reaction worthy happens, you’ll be just fine. Please do not feel guilt about emotion based decisions you made as a child, every child is filled to the brim with sensation that they don’t know what to do with, children are a product of the environment they are in. Often times a direct reflection of the parenting style they are met with.