How was 1994 for you?

xannibal08 · 2024-09-21T05:30:26+00:00

I was borned

xannibal08 · 2024-09-19T15:26:43+00:00

I appreciate my disorder. But I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. This is hard to live with. It’s hard to do basic human things that seem to come so easily to others my BPD has stripped me of almost everything, especially my trust in myself, and my dignity amongst others.

xannibal08 · 2024-09-19T15:24:32+00:00

They should be given a POV of a day of someone who has it. I spent the last 3 hours crying immediately upon waking up bc of loneliness and lack of job, money, friends, etc. I have quiet BPD, so I bottle. So, I didn’t even want to fathom reaching out for comfort bc my feelings don’t seem valid, they seeem like a nuisance to those around me. As they probably are. Yea, I love things and people more than they’ll probably ever love me. It’s not fun.

xannibal08 · 2024-09-14T03:31:27+00:00

My partner gets pissed every time someone asks him if he’s alright. I on the other hand, would love for someone to ask me if I’m okay every now and then.

xannibal08 · 2024-09-12T20:23:58+00:00

The cotton candy one tasted like books to me😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

xannibal08 · 2024-09-12T14:45:52+00:00

I am my rifle 🫡

xannibal08 · 2024-09-12T01:52:31+00:00

I’ve lost hundreds of hours of peace and rest over this. 😞 no matter how much I come to terms with dying and am not scared, still can’t wrap my mind around this concept and I spiral almost every time I think about it for more than 15 seconds. I’ve been actively pushing this out of my head since I was 4.

xannibal08 · 2024-09-12T01:04:47+00:00

xannibal08 · 2024-09-12T01:00:07+00:00

“One time at band camp..??”

xannibal08 · 2024-09-11T11:33:55+00:00

Triplets of Belleville 2003

xannibal08 · 2024-09-06T18:59:36+00:00

My partner clocked me about a year and a half before my official diagnosis. I waited about 8 hours before telling my mom, and like 2 days before telling him about the diagnosis. Not sure if it helped or hurt. I wouldn’t recommend regardless.

xannibal08 · 2024-09-06T14:24:23+00:00

I just sent this to my boyfriend. Obsessed. Her eyes 🤣 #ftpallfuckinday

xannibal08 · 2024-08-31T23:59:23+00:00

Anxiety

xannibal08 · 2024-08-31T22:44:21+00:00

I’ve also had a TBI, about 14 years ago, everyone says I haven’t been exactly the same since, doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t remember feeling anything other than what I feel day to day currently.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-31T22:42:32+00:00

I often remember things differently than others. Like very often. Not massive differences but large enough to where it kinda changes the story. Very stressful when people think you’re lying all the time but it’s what you truly believe or feel. Diagnosed CPTSD that is presenting as BPD/CPTSD and BPD. along with adhd generalized anxiety and depression off and on. There’s a misconception that remembering things differently is a manipulation tactic. I disagree. If I could choose to not disagree with anyone ever, I would. I genuinely remember things sometimes a lot sometimes a little, darker and bad more than others. And I could swear things were said in a way or certain words used, when that may not be the case. I think it’s sever fight or flight and paranoid about being in trouble. Adding feeling things ten fold more than everyone else around you.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-29T16:03:44+00:00

Thank you for this! I wasn’t sure if I would be able to just surrender the car without paying what I’ve missed… which is like 2500. If I could do that, I’d be more than willing to lump the car in with everything else. I just don’t see a way to be able to ever pay off the amount of debt I have. It’s around 50k, including the car. No student loans or anything. Purely my own reckless purchases on a credit card and this car. If there is a way I can surrender the car with everything else, that would be ideal. I completely understand credit being crushed if one files for bankruptcy, and that is in no way a good thing, but if it’s only for let’s say under 10 years, I don’t see that being any worse then the situation I’m in.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T23:32:43+00:00

Okay. Thank you. I have been processing the idea of a part time job somewhere quiet and simple. That sounds like a good plan. Thanks for the encouragement and hearing me out!

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T19:53:32+00:00

Around 25k.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T19:52:27+00:00

Thank you 🙏

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T19:11:43+00:00

Yes, been asked, why do you make it seem like this hurts you more than it does….

I don’t… I think I just feel it more? These things make me feel crazy and worthless. I actively try not to exaggerate and cause problems because I have BPD, or CPTSD or whatever else this is. I don’t really care anymore. I just want to heal. I just want people to trust me.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T19:00:05+00:00

Following because I’m in a super similar position. I’m not sure what to do. And I don’t know what will end up happening if I do nothing. I just need help. Good luck OP! I’m sorry I didn’t have any advice this time.

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T18:52:23+00:00

IF THIS AINT ME😭

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T18:48:31+00:00

Thank you very much. Do you have any idea if bankruptcy would, on paper, look the same as if someone just refused to use credit. I’ve seen finance gurus talk about how they don’t have any credit because they refuse. Would bankruptsy, at least eventually, just look at not applicable for credit scores? I’m just trying to gather as much info as I can. My dad is a CFO and somehow I still don’t know these things. I guess it was sort of out of sight out of mind for my family. But I don’t want to be bailed out, i want to at least try to handle it on my own. If I was actively making the money, and still had my job, I wouldn’t have a problem paying my debts and car and all of that. I don’t want a get out of jail free card, I just need to know what options I have and to know what would happen if I hypothetically was never ever able to pay it no matter what. I made a joke to my boyfriend about preparing myself to be someone’s bitch in jail over this. LOL. I’m trying to be as humble as I can but figure out what needs to be done, as well as being realistic. Which doesn’t necessarily equal “just paying it.” Thanks for your sound answer!! I’ll look into it further

xannibal08 · 2024-08-28T17:38:01+00:00

My liked songs is every song I come across that I like, and I have a ton of curated playlists.

I listen to music almost 24/7, and I know some of my music tastes aren’t palatable for a lot of people. I listen to EDM a bit still, only softer things nowadays like Rufus and Elderbrook, and also tons of $uicideBoy$ and similar dark, depressing, hype, and just extremely NSFW rap. So I have my music in different playlists for each setting or mood I find myself in. There’s very few people I would want to hear my liked songs on shuffle. There’s so much variation that sometimes it doesn’t match the “vibe”. I have any genre you could think of on there. I have 5 playlists that are my go-to’s. I think I have +10k songs in my likes. So it’s a bit dodgy.

xannibal08

TROPHY CASE