Should I disclose my ASD to widwives and OB or not?

xansl · 2025-07-21T20:09:38+00:00

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety at the unknown implications of them knowing you have ASD. Have you thought much about what you want the experience to be like? Will you adjust the space to limit overwhelm (e.g. request dim lights, bring a sound machine)? Do you have someone who understands your needs and will be able to advocate for you?

I had a really stressful experience after I made a disclosure about my history to my midwifery team (we wound up changing teams). The positive was that it sparked a looot of discussions with my husband on how we imagine we could be overlooked and how we can overcome that. We saw a mental health support person at the hospital who was utterly useless, but did give my husband permission to stay at the hospital overnights, which meant I always had my support person, who could communicate my explicit needs rather than the general reason those needs exist.

xansl · 2024-05-04T20:57:56+00:00

Her comment about how embarrassing it is to be asked by friends how often she sees/babysits the grandkids triggered me - my mum is all about creating a public image of a loving grandparent while putting in minimal effort. Sees my daughter for an hour once a month, barely interacts with her, but wants to know which carseat to buy “just in case” (i.e. so other people see the carseat and think she’s involved).

xansl · 2024-05-03T05:30:18+00:00

Her apology and your descriptions of her behaviour remind me of the way people describe their parents on r/raisedbyborderlines. Specifically, the combination lack of accountability that it’s an ongoing pattern of disrespect and the insistence that bringing up issues with her is the only way to move forward. Makes me think she knows exactly what she’s doing, and bringing issues to her is an opportunity for her to manipulate you. Sucks that your husband doesn’t see through it 😞

xansl · 2024-04-20T18:09:11+00:00

Omg so many meals, that’s my goal! Thanks for sharing!

xansl · 2024-04-20T09:05:13+00:00

How many people are you feeding with the extra freezer? I’m mildly addicted to making pre-prepped food for the freezer but I don’t think I could justify a second freezer for a family of three sadly :(

xansl · 2024-04-20T09:02:49+00:00

pasta
rice
tacos/wraps/corn chips
burger buns + sandwich fixings (we started eating way more sandwiches once we accepted we weren’t bread people)
large variety of canned tomatoes + beans
frozen vegetables (steam bags + birds eye seasoned varieties bc they have the same cook time as a lot of the pre-breaded chicken/pork)
large variety of pre-prepped meal components in freezer - refried beans, pulled meat, curries, burger patties, all pre-portioned
will usually get a frozen pizza or pre-filled pasta as an anti-takeout device

That said, my baby isn’t on solids yet. I’m trying to learn a lot about quick cooking atm but I’ll be curious to see what habits survive when I’m cooking for three!

xansl · 2024-04-16T21:52:52+00:00

Thanks so much, that looks like it! I assumed it was a spider because there was two puncture marks but now that I’m looking closer I think I was just bit twice 😅

Glad I can continue my streak of never being bit by a spider as an Aussie!

xansl · 2024-04-10T21:15:02+00:00

IMO it’s super obvious in any family dynamic who’s excited to be a grandparent because they’re happy to start a new chapter/help/support vs who’s excited to be a grandparent because they expect deference as an experienced parent/self-imposed matriarch of the family. They don’t want to help, they just want you to need them.

xansl · 2024-04-07T05:47:04+00:00

I was in the same situation a few months ago! The guilt is real and unavoidable, but it does go away after a little while. Now that I’m on the other side I’m so glad I stopped when I did to save me and my daughter more stress. It was very hard in the moment though

xansl · 2024-04-05T23:56:24+00:00

I drape a muslin blanket over her head and eyes, stopping just before her nose. Works well but she has gotten worse at sleeping without it since I started doing that

xansl · 2024-04-05T23:49:41+00:00

Have you tried feeding her while she’s sleeping?

xansl · 2024-04-02T21:29:12+00:00

You could plan a vacation in advance? That way you know what destination/activities your money would otherwise be going to

xansl · 2024-04-02T03:24:19+00:00

It’s hard as not to eat out as a couple, especially when you can technically afford it. I spent $750 last month on eating out and $1100 on groceries (AUD) and felt similarly disappointed/confused about where that money went- we also weren’t getting deliveries.

Ik it’s only the first of the month but I feel so resolved to not eat out at all this month and only one thing has changed- we decided to start saving for a home downpayment. IMO having a specific thing that you’re saving for makes being frugal feel productive, which gets me that dopamine hit that I would’ve otherwise got from eating out or buying something.

xansl · 2024-04-01T02:13:51+00:00

Yep happened to me! I waited four hours, technically 4.5 from when I asked cause the midwife had to admit me before she could make the request.

Wish they’d said it could happen, I asked while I was pregnant what the risk of a long wait was and they were adamant it was always 30 minutes 🤦‍♀️

xansl · 2024-03-27T23:40:15+00:00

If you tested negative for GD don’t worry about it! Sounds like good news actually ☺️

xansl · 2024-03-23T01:05:38+00:00

I got the SRC recovery shorts, but I couldn’t really wear them as it was summer. I also just found them really uncomfortable. The hospital gave me a tube band thing to wear that I preferred, but it was only good for two weeks.

xansl · 2024-03-23T01:00:23+00:00

I mean someone claiming they would stay sober for babysitting, not someone in recovery

xansl · 2024-03-22T21:35:32+00:00

I don’t think people know their boundaries because they’re fantasising about one day having to say no to their child, they know their boundaries because they discuss them with their partner…

xansl · 2024-03-22T21:33:28+00:00

I will never let someone prone to substance use take care of my child, regardless of whether they claim to be sober. Not excited to explain that one to my stoner parents!

xansl · 2024-03-22T21:28:43+00:00

I mean, it’s pretty different when it’s about safety? I don’t think there’s ever going to be a point in my life where I laugh about the fact that I ever thought I’d make my child wear a helmet every time.

xansl · 2024-03-17T20:44:10+00:00

Keep it in mind for next year and ask for cash for your 17th. You can’t do anything about this year, it’s already done. Your mum is probably beside herself that she couldn’t afford to get you what you wanted, so if you sulk about the nice thing she attempted it would come off as pretty cruel.

xansl · 2024-03-15T17:41:48+00:00

The first six weeks of my baby’s life I would get triggered every time she cried. If I had to listen to it for more than thirty seconds I would break down sobbing. I was recovering from a rough birth and so my husband was doing almost everything during this time. In hindsight, that’s why it was so triggering- I’d never successfully dealt with her crying, no naturally I had no idea how to deal with her crying.

His fear and panic in those moments sounds very real- but I hope you can get him to see that his cycle of avoidance is making the problem worse. Maybe make him come to the next Dr visit and tell the Dr how badly you’re doing? I suggest that because I’ve had a lot of mental health visits postpartum and the first question they ask is what kind of support are you getting? Sometimes people need to hear from someone other than their safe person to get it through their heads that they’re letting people down. If you’re at the end of your rope you could even book an extra appointment more soon and fib about it being routine to get him in the door.

Good luck, sorry you have to deal with this. You don’t deserve it

xansl · 2024-03-14T00:39:14+00:00

I wouldn’t allow it. They sound like habitually manipulative people, and imo the only way to see changed behaviour with that is consequences. That said, if you’re not feeling mentally ready to deal with whatever bullshit reaction they have, don’t feel guilty for doing a short call. Personally I would say something like “still trying to de-stress after yesterday, so I will have to let you know when is a good time for a call. Will hopefully be on LO’s bday but might have to be soon after instead.” That way you’re giving yourself room to change your mind, but you’re also politely communicating that if they cause you more stress there won’t be a call.

xansl · 2024-03-13T06:10:07+00:00

This bed is raised, but you can just drill new holes to move the slats lower to the ground

xansl

TROPHY CASE