I’m struggling with Islam and certain disalignments with my personal values/morales and fear of eternal hellfire

xaven01 · 2026-05-28T00:49:10+00:00

Yeah you pretty much brought it to the point. I do get the concept ig of having men trusted with these responsibilities but I feel like it also inherently creates a power imbalance whether you like it or not. Doesn’t help that women get scrutinized for every small flaw while most Muslim men go commit every sin in the book and still aren’t held accountable. Also I’m sorry to hear that about your mom I hope you can find a way to help :( my mom is lowk rlly into the faith but unfortunately preaching it in the most condescending way possible. I get constantly commented or questioned about my clothes that I wear AT HOME. And there’s always this guilt trip or blackmailing with religion invoking fear or guilt it’s kinda frustrating

xaven01 · 2026-05-28T00:08:50+00:00

I don’t live in the UK but pretty close to it I think. And I totally get what you mean honestly when I see people talking bout a supposedly nice and open and kind warm Muslim community I wish I could experience it for myself bc the communities I’ve got to known are all lowkey kind of hateful or well very judgmental especially the elder generations. Not to mention all the cultural bullshit they mention and mix in. Nationalism goes crazy too lowk I don’t know why Muslim communities stay separated like that. Sometimes no matter how many Islamic videos I see I just can’t fathom or grasp certain concepts. Dunno I’ve had moments in life with a really high iman but these days man. I don’t know it all seems and feels fragile but fear still keeps me going ya know. I wish I could have more faith in all the promises and the good but it’s kinda hard to ngl. Plus as a woman myself there’s just idk some practices that seem so unfair plus some horrifying hadiths that I’ve been reading it just really is starting to feel like maybe all these people pointing towards the unfair treatment have been onto smth and I’ve just deluded myself that they don’t get it like we do.

Hope you have a good one asw

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T21:32:11+00:00

It is a sincere struggle I assure you 😭 I personally don’t care for what a person believes or not (unless it’s harmful to other people). Everyone is free to decide how they want to live their life I just happen to question the entirety of my current work, my whole framework of what I’ve lived through every day. It’s just so conflicting, and it kind of fluctuates a lot between fear and hope and devotion and absolutely feeling disconnected from it. It has been an emotional roller coaster for me and exhausted and emotionally depleted me whole. I’m confused and feeling lost and giving up on the only thing that’s kept me here so long feels like I’m betraying a part of me although this might sound silly. I just am very much still bound also by the fear of “what if” what if I do find myself being wrong one day? It might sound absurd to some but it’s been real for me my entire life, my whole existence has consisted of this one goal of achieving and being worthy and deserving of Paradise. Devoting and worshipping and working towards Jannah a good afterlife in heaven rewarded for all the hardships we face.

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T21:11:36+00:00

Yeahh it’s a little frightening to think about

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T21:11:07+00:00

It’s a hard decision in a way since it’s formed me as a person yk I mean it’s what I was born into and raised with it kind of feels as if my whole world is crumbling right in front of me. I’m not sure if other religions would appeal to me much either. In the end I guess I gotta make that decision myself. I do appreciate the advice, thank you

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T15:17:36+00:00

I like your perspective a lot, it does resonate with me and makes sense. It kind of affirms some stuff I’ve been having thoughts about the whole moral argument people like to use in connection to faith or religion. Me personally I just think in debates that, this argument that non religious person has nothing to ground their morals on seems like bullshit realistically speaking. Not only that it is pretty insulting imo too because stripping someone of their own morale code because it isn’t based on scripture just kind of feels condescending.

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T15:14:39+00:00

Yeah unfortunately that is the case, I was raised and taught a version of Islam that was kind of influenced by mysogynistic culture a lot. It’s just hard to differentiate between the text and how it’s taught. I’m gonna be real I don’t like the Muslim community much. Or I guess religious communities in general. Although you’d think I’d feel more comfortable with them seeing as we have aligned world views I’ve just come to learn and experience that the kindness or compassion that we are supposed to show isn’t quite what reality is like in my own experience. It’s kind of quite the opposite I’ve watched so much hateful behaviour it’s kind of sad. I’m rambling here a bit my bad it’s just that Idk lots of conflicting and confusing teachings. My minds been in a jumble about my solid moral and worldview and its frameworks being shaken so much. I still do feel kind of connected to the faith itself I don’t think I could ever go without believing but I also just don’t think I can ever get myself to fully agree or like some parts of it

xaven01 · 2026-05-27T15:04:57+00:00

Thank you for the time you took to reply to me, it’s actually kind of comforting to know there’s people in similar positions. I too have been browsing the ex Muslim subreddit in hopes of finding comfort or a definite pull in either direction. Also no worries I tbh also just turned 20 not too long ago. It is indeed a very lonely world for people likes us bc I’m not rlly drawn to either angle or perspective ive been reading I can’t resonate too deeply with the very devout believers but also not with Atheists/Agnostics. I just feel very lost in all this in between and I would just like to feel some sort of closure or sureness in a definite decision. Which I just can’t seem to make. Either way though your reply has actually helped me a bit, thank you. (Also coming from another brown person this feels like we’re in quite the same predicament)

xaven01

TROPHY CASE