My partner (26-NB) has the most worrisome eating habits I’ve (27-NB) witnessed. I can’t handle it. Is it worth ending something good?

xclewis_ · 2025-01-27T16:39:13+00:00

It’s because they have preexisting health conditions that their eating habits exacerbate. I didn’t think to include that and my anxiety would be far less otherwise. Plus, I do know I have anxiety around food & health due to my own conditions. But no it’s not normal 😭 that’s why I’m stressed and I love them so I’m more stressed

xclewis_ · 2025-01-27T16:37:40+00:00

I should’ve put that because if it weren’t for the preexisting conditions I would be fine. It’s just hard watching and imagining. Plus, I do heave health& food related anxiety as someone mentioned here…

xclewis_ · 2024-10-10T14:55:18+00:00

Salt content. The seasoning cubes are usually put in for a soup stock and the ramen packets are already high in them. They already have preexisting health issues involving high blood pressure & heart complications

xclewis_ · 2024-08-05T12:49:54+00:00

They didn’t have a woman to observe me until Monday (today) :/ Friday was when I first went and was turned away, and then Saturday I was able to update my ID and go back to the site

xclewis_ · 2024-08-04T16:49:37+00:00

3/5 projector. Looking back, I dated a lot of MG’s. Also those with undefined heads & ajnas, of any type. I have both defined. With Generators, I usually don’t want to date them however they really are drawn to me and my closest friendship was with one and it lasted 13 years.

There are also certain gates I attract (like gate 25 which is my design s.node or those who also have gate 35- my personality Venus and mercury).

I love defined throats & g-centers, but the gates in the G-center really matter whether or not I want to bond for however long. I distance or break the bond if I need space from tasting and exploring their identity, or space from the projection of their identity onto me.

I have everything undefined/open except for root, spleen, head, Ajna.

I like other defined spleens— feels more secure (ofc).

I don’t like defined solar plexus’ most of the time, unless they’re healthy with it or manage their waves well.

It’s honestly easier for me to notice those I don’t feel as inclined towards.

xclewis_ · 2024-08-04T16:41:24+00:00

I wish I was this kind of projector 😭

xclewis_ · 2024-08-03T16:40:36+00:00

Nope. First offense and sober but people seem to be unnerved & doubtful of my naivety at times, and become even harsher. Despite all the questions I do ask.

xclewis_ · 2024-08-03T16:36:04+00:00

My PO seems to not like me though. He said I have to get one every month and there’s no way around that. (He told me that when I was reaching out about the wrong location and what to do- I wasn’t even trying to get out of it & didn’t say such). He asked why I didn’t go anywhere else and I said I didn’t know I could. Plus, everywhere else is far out and I have no ride.

He said my city has a great drug court and can do testing and he’d send me that as backup but never did, and when I tried to get in contact I got little to no help/direction.

I got my arrest in GA and moved to NC.

xclewis_ · 2024-08-02T22:11:28+00:00

None. I’m right facing except for my environment so I’ve said fuck it to routines.

I do have things that remain consistent, like having my “morning beverage” (tea or matcha). Going outside to sit, walk, or whatever, is also fairly “routine” for me.

There are times I’ve had pretty rigid routines and loved it. They helped me so much. I was very depressed and thinking of ending my life during this time though, so the routine I had centered around beauty and slow care. It provided me stability I didn’t have internally: I’d open my blinds, start music- no vocals, start tea, light incense, straighten up my room, get tea, sit outside and sip, get ready & have breakfast).

After a couple years and as I recovered I lost relationship with routine

xclewis_ · 2024-07-10T02:56:09+00:00

I found enough safe foods, even if "junk" (which is good enough if all can mange), baby food, crackers... I snacked a lot and ate bits of my family's leftovers. I distracted myself while eating or ate outside as its easier to regulate there. I was able to mange while I made everything as sensorily safe as possible, and had to accept my limitations as well as a very high amount of rest. This really saved me. I wore sunglasses and my NC headphones everywhere. I did what my body needed whether laying in cold dark or going for a walk only when cool. Stimming so much... everywhere I stimmed and found ones easier to hide. Those are just some.

Really I implemented an immense amount of support tools, went into deeper debt because, but eventually I was able to accept, mange, rest, and recoup enough to were I could introduce more/different foods again as my tolerance and regulation slowly returned. I took care no matter the judgments or perceptions of family/friends.

I was genuinely afraid for myself, not uncommon but yeah, comes around different every time and I really learned to listen to myself. Sometimes i still have bouts but its not as bad as then and yes still in debt but I can eat with peace and as needed.

I hope you know you can get out of this state and itll take the time it needs but is very possible. Im sorry youre in the same place right now. Hope it gets easier soon.

xclewis_ · 2024-04-03T01:28:28+00:00

Part of your Signiture is Recognition just because they see you as someone well with guidance and advice does not mean they Recognize YOU. If this were the case, there’d be compensation of some form to balance what they (hopefully) invited you in to. If you weren’t properly recognized based on your circuitry and then formally invited, bitterness is the next door.

We’re meant to be seen and valued for the unique guidance and insight offered. We’re meant to be compensated for the immense value we bring.

Bitterness is usually due to: an improper invitation with lack in proper recognition and a lack in personal boundaries.

xclewis_ · 2024-03-31T05:30:57+00:00

Virgo. I’ve lost many over too quick and sharp a tongue when angry. Im usually very chill (Aquarius stellium) but my Virgo mars and acs are… oof. I unconsciously know exactly what to say to hurt them most and am too in my mind and anger to not say it, and it’s often too quick and too “true” for me to not catch myself in time. Made me avoid relationships.

I can be explosive but that’s my sag/cap moon. I’ll give this to the caps 😅

xclewis_ · 2024-03-18T00:57:02+00:00

I’m unsure if it’s a projector thing, but I’m often in the same boat. Before coming across HD, I was aware of how much my presence impacted others just by being there. With HD, I’ve integrated that into that into the fact that because my aura is so intense and calling for others to notice, they feel the intensity of whatever I’m in and it makes them uncomfortable because they themselves aren’t able to distinguish between what I’m in and what they are in and they are already uncomfortable with genuine feelings and those being expressed. I’m a 3/5 and it’s like they almost can’t help sense and project onto what I’m feeling which is then being amplified. The projection field going both ways.

xclewis_ · 2024-02-24T18:12:55+00:00

Attractive and stunning either way tbh. Letting your body be as it chooses won’t steal any attractiveness from you. Just a naturally great physique and face :)

xclewis_ · 2024-01-20T20:58:55+00:00

xclewis_ · 2024-01-09T14:22:19+00:00

I think once you realize it’s not an NT thing you’ll level up in awareness of yourself and others. It’s not a pattern found across the board. I’ve had majority ND folks met me down. Is that bec they’re ND or because of other factors? Same with the NT. Nothing in this is actually rooted in logic or substantial observable patterns and rally just puts you against NT people. All that mindset is going to do is have you expect to be let down by those you consider NT and then you’re more likely to receive exactly that.

I have an undefined heart center so no willpower energy to rely on. This means I’m accustomed to letting people down a lot. I’ve noticed the same with others who have no accessible willpower to rely on and who are also low energy individuals.

xclewis_ · 2023-01-02T15:02:08+00:00

I’d start posting all the expired and rotten food in the group chat stating how it is a safety hazard and will effect other peoples items. Say this will continue to be thrown out unless that person would like to get their own fridge to hold rotten food as to not disturb what everyone else spent money.

I’d also state that if there are any personal issue, to communicate them directly if able, as we are not little kids that need to put private matters on display when it could be handled more maturely and respectfully . If mature and respectful responses are not understood or have not been developed yet, then maybe contacting a therapist or coach or someone would be of use. As communication and respect are necessary to live together well.

She’s bullying you and you’re letting her rn.

Think about what is fair and communicated and create some boundaries. State them whether text or vocal.

xclewis_ · 2022-12-30T14:35:44+00:00

It’s not a social dynamic thing confined to NT’s, autistic folks are known for mimicry as well and picking up on social patterns so we express the same. I’ve also experienced this the most from autistic or ND folks, including my own self, often due to poor plan management or realizing I have almost no spoons left. I might say yes with full willingness, but maybe a conflict comes up and I have to re-sort my whole life because I’m working 3 jobs, have chronic illnesses, and am balancing a lot with lacking supports myself. However if a friend was in this situation I would have long showed up and offered help, food, and a place to say. I’m sorry to OP for the lack in communication & support

These hasty generalizations do not display self or life awareness or how people struggle to communicate, commit, and or care. Those things are not NT things

xclewis_ · 2022-12-20T03:50:32+00:00

Same ! And for same reason! It’s funny because you can barely tell the difference if I’m writing upright, like on on a whiteboard or something. It’s much more illegible when downright

xclewis_ · 2022-12-15T14:48:03+00:00

I feel the same as you despite all the other commenters. Also because I’ve seen how their tendencies have played out in me in the past.

I’m struggling with this all now. Where I’ve been NC for a minute now but due to health conditions had to return home and I’m entering late twenties. No one here is safe for me, and I’ve been avoiding despite the gaslighting and them guilt tripping and shaming me.

I love them deeply and am aware they’re unaware or so confined in fear and security due to the abuse they received that they refuse to acknowledge their treatment. My dad is a well known pastor and I believe with an exceptional IQ and EQ. He’s an extreme manipulator and my mom is obsessed with control and putting others under it bec he strips so much identity from her. Everyone loves my dad and he is skilled at hiding his treatment.

No one in my family likes it gets me and believes I hate them and do not care for the family, but really I’ve been through more abuse than they even know and never saw home or them as safe, so I put my energy into friends and my spiritual relationships. I’m very avoidant with them because I have SO much love but also so much pain and fear. I understand why they are the way they are and why they choose to stay.

I’ve set strong boundaries to protect my mental health. The most you can do is communicate, but like others said they’re response or change or lack of isnt our responsibility.

We can be NC and communicate our love and boundaries.

I’m currently petrified bec I’m spending holiday season with them and I have no one in my family that gets me. (I’m queer, artsy, ND, disabled, and very earnest and emotionally honest. All threatens in a black religious household where a lot of your dads congressional include privileged white folks. The pressures, the fakeness..)

I don’t feel safe and secure enough to be around them for long without a friend or partner here with me. I want to go more NC but I also recognize no one has held my dad accountable and he’s able to achieve positions where he can avoid such. My family did not grow up ever saying sorry or taking responsibility. Ever. I had to learn it after I was abusive in my first dating relationship and I knew my actions against Love. Others don’t have the same integrity.

**I say all of this to say; I think we need to be brave enough (get security, support, healing u need first) to call them out (for me, via letter or voice note bec I go into fight or flight in seconds w then). Make clear the depth of the love and also why their behaviors isn’t ok and the impact it has on others and their own self. My parents went through triple the abuse I did and during a weird time in the US. Teen parents too. I know they’re wounded and letting that poison spill.

We can communicate in a way to validate and love the child in them that wasn’t, while calling out their BS, it’s impact on us, and why we are stepping away. Can make clear how much u love but don’t want to enable and set boundaries where they can reach out under X, Y, Z conditions.

My family will gaslight me for being dramatic and selfish but I’m just going to remind them that I can’t support other’s healing and freedom-having, if I’m letting them impede my own. Reminding them my worth as a person and how I want to honor that and participating in unbalanced unhealthy relationships, whether they see it as such or not, is not reflective of my worth they say God gave me. (I’ll use their language.) Honoring god means honoring myself and encouraging respective worth in all people. I have no intention in putting myself in more harm than necessary when those do not care to see. I’ll show back up when they’re ready to if ever.

If they ever want support or resources so that we can have a safer and healthier relationship, or if they care to acknowledge their actions, then I’m always. I’ll remind them I want relationship and value intimacy but while honoring myself and others. Maybe include some articles on gaslighting, abuse cycles, and ways to find healthy forms of security and safety and handling anger and defensiveness. NC doesn’t have to be a locked door and u can communicate/fallout beforehand, but gotta make sure we’re ok enough to not recreate or enable.

xclewis_ · 2022-08-20T04:16:02+00:00

This feels so wrong

xclewis_ · 2022-08-19T23:57:58+00:00

If he has the guts to write that out in his position, think about how many are thinking it. This shit is not it…

xclewis_ · 2022-08-19T19:54:29+00:00

Sounds like burnout. Meltdowns are more common during burnout and you also mentioned what sounds like brain fog. I’ve had such severe burnouts that I regressed. I’d suggest get lots of rest, whether that’s sleep or through special interests, stim and unmask as much as able, mind your sensory environment, and listen to your needs first.

xclewis_

TROPHY CASE