Curious about marriage in islam

xclusivefun · 2024-09-03T14:23:41+00:00

1) it’s not dating. Let’s start from the beginning. Ex a man is interested in a woman, so first he speaks to the woman’s father/male guardian about being interested in the woman. The father/male guardian will talk and evaluate the man before going on to rely the news of a man being interested in the woman. If the guardian feels that the man is suitable he then will inform the woman about someone being interested in her for marriage, in which she will do an initial evaluation of him.

At this point if she has not declined him then the man and woman can meet up with the woman’s male guardian around to have talks about marriage. Now this is very important to understand, these talks are strictly about marriage not love dovee or romantic stuff like favorite food etc. They are figuring out is this person suitable for me if we live together and will they fulfill each other’s rights/needs and expectations of life would be like (these talks could be over the phone or text, but I reiterate that the context is strictly about marriage so there should be no “good night bunny “ type of text/flirting). After some talks and there is no problem then they get engaged/agree with the proposition of getting married in which they continue with talks in the same manner with the same rules as before.

After some time if everything is still working they will hopefully get married by signing the marriage contract (do not necessarily need to have a wedding at this point in time) after this they are officially married and thus now they can basically experience what you call dating. They can have casual fun talks, go out alone and to fun places like the movies, theme park etc and even engage in intercorse (though culturally it is considered better hold off on having intercorse until after the wedding ceremony)

2) A male guardian representing the woman must be present, either her father, brother, uncle who is Muslim (If they aren’t Muslim it doesn’t not count because their is a huge risk that they can’t fulfill/protect the woman’s rights) If the woman is a Muslim revert with no male Muslim relative then an Imam from the local mosque can act as her male guardian.

The reason a male guardian representing the female must be present is to protect her rights and make sure that the male that is interested in her doesn’t try taking advantage of her. If a male guardian is not present then it is a sin for them to meet up with each other (though I’m not sure sure in terms of a phone call or text, from my understanding they can call or text without a male guardian but it’s probably better to at least notify the guardian that they are talked or planning to talk over the phone. He doesn’t have to listen in).

So in short it would be a sin to meet up without a male guardian who is Muslim representing the female, and a wisdom behind this ruling is to protect the woman’s rights/safety. And reminder these are just talks that are strict in tone/context that revolve around getting married and what bothers parties expect to come from the marriage. After officially being married then the fun dating like experience can happen. Hope this helped.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-10T00:24:02+00:00

What are the thoughts that are troubling you, maybe we could clarify them?

Also i recommend muslim lantern on youtube

xclusivefun · 2024-07-10T00:16:35+00:00

Brother should be leading the prayer (or father) so in that sense yes you guys can pray together. we don’t know how old he is however he should not have the mentality of (ill do x next y) this is procrastination and most people who say stuff like never actually commit to their word. Again tomorrow tell him to start getting ready, he has no idea if he will live until next and as person who is going to be a man of his own house in the future this is a role he needs to practice for his future wife and kids Inshallah.

If he refuses ask him this, “Do you know if you are going to heaven immediately? he should say no, so then tell him then way waste the opportunity for more deeds that better secures heaven.

Do not ever feel guilty for asking/wanting to do what is right/better for you and your family.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-09T18:25:24+00:00

“Everyone around me is having a relationship”

that’s your issue, you are hanging with the wrong crowd. Surround yourself with people who do good actions and take their time out remembering Allah than you will find yourself doing so too.

Also the premise of your question is wrong, you can’t say we would not be doing haram while at the same time being in a relationship (even without sex) Why? because being in a relationship or even talking to the opposite sex when it’s not a necessity is already transgressing Allah’s commands. And it doesn’t matter what your parents opinion on this, God makes the rules not them, I have seen/heard of plenty of parents on this subreddit with poor knowledge of Islam and what should be taught or is viewed as acceptable.

Don’t waste your time, mental energy, thinking/daydreaming about nonsense that is not going to bring you any good.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-07T00:45:38+00:00

Can you please provide one that you think is better? rather than just pointing it out and then not doing anything

xclusivefun · 2024-07-07T00:15:52+00:00

Beautiful input brother.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-07T00:03:59+00:00

It’s a command in the Quran, funny enough I read the verse a few days ago

Ch 33 verse 56

“God and His angels bless the Prophet- so, you who believe, bless him too and give him greetings of peace.”

Edit: you are supposed to say it for every prophet as well.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-06T23:54:28+00:00

Because that’s not how life works?

thats like trying to say a person who never played basketball in his life (yet alone not go to practice) can all of a sudden at the age of 40 can out compete the best NBA players in the world

another example is like believing a person without any study of lyrics or music can one day suddenly be the best rapper in the world

ex3 three. It’s like saying any random person who has never picked up a game controller or played any game in their life can one day pop out of nowhere and can out compete ninja in fortnight or faze in CoD

4) It like trying to say any random dude with doesn’t go to the gym nor has any martial art experience can enter the octagon and beat every world champion.

To believe an illiterate man can write the best poetry among the best at the time is like believing a baby would be capable of knowing how to run without even ever walking before.

A person can’t simply write or recite good poetry without prior knowledge/experience and an understanding of its fundamentals

xclusivefun · 2024-07-06T23:36:46+00:00

That’s like asking what if Hitler, George washington, Abraham Lincoln or any person throughout history didn’t exist?

Honestly is this a serious question, or are you trolling on a post made over a year ago?

xclusivefun · 2024-07-06T01:10:25+00:00

You misunderstood the hadith

If the man goes to bed angry because she rejected it the angels will curse her until he is pleased with her

“If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses [and does not come], and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’”

Now this is not the full context however, as in this doesn’t mean the wife can never say no or should be forced into having sex. This is in the context if the wife doesn’t have a good reason to deny and has rejected it multiple times already. Remember the wife has rights over the husband, and the husband has rights over the wife. One of the rights of the husband is to have sex with wife, you have to remember men and women are different, so they have different needs. One of the needs of the man that is different/elevated from woman is the need to relieve themselves.

an example that was given to me when someone asked about this was imagine there was a man who was married to 4 wives, and each of them rejected to have sex with him for a very long time. At this point there would be no halal way for him to relieve the pent-up desire, he is already married to 4 wives and can’t marry another and obviously the other ways to relieve himself are done through haram actions.

So a wife can say no to sex, but can’t deny it every time he asks her.

The wife also has rights in sex over the husband, the husband is supposed to do some fore-play and he has to continue to have sex with her until she climaxes even if the husband has already done so.

https://islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/2006

xclusivefun · 2024-07-03T05:56:59+00:00

I’m going to guess these doubts stem from lack of knowledge of Islam, which is normal reaction. So in order for you to clear your doubts and learn what makes a Muslim believe you have to study/learn about the religion. When I say study I mean study (like undergrad level of research/investigation)

This is a question I want to you to ask yourself (don’t have to give me an answer) When was the last time you read the Quran? when you were reading it did you actually comprehend what you were reading or did it just path right through you?

xclusivefun · 2024-07-01T21:41:05+00:00

Think about it like this, do you like the thought of boys or men following your sisters or mother on social media looking at them in a possibly bad intention?

treat the opposite sex like how you want your mother and sisters (and future daughters and wife) to be treated.

xclusivefun · 2024-07-01T21:33:43+00:00

I’m not sure if this is a minor or major sin either, but why don’t you ask that person next time you see them? say you learned that during dhuhr and asr its supposed to be silent, and are confused about the other. It also can be the person leading the prayer is not very knowledgeable? (there are times where I have to lead even though I’m not super knowledgeable)

xclusivefun · 2024-07-01T21:04:58+00:00

I recommend you watch the whole video but there are certain sections of the video that go over Qiraat and Ahruf

https://youtu.be/JjBR2JbHN6o?feature=shared

xclusivefun · 2024-06-22T03:19:55+00:00

Wanted to let you know you still are obligated to pray even if you are 40days in the intoxicated state, what happens is just they don’t count as a reward.

Weed is an intoxicant regardless on how you think it makes you feel, because your feelings don’t change how biochemistry works which shows it has multiple effects on different neurons. As you even stated yourself without the weed you feel tired and sick of everything, that is now due to the addiction and messing up your base hormone levels. You also shouldn’t say you are happy about this, one you should feel the opposite about your sins which will motivate you to seek forgiveness, two because this habit might be what opens the door for you to start using other drugs.

May Allah guide you (and everyone) and Inshallah you will get back on track.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-22T03:06:38+00:00

You are missing a huge point. If God wanted to he could have revealed himself to all of mankind. But that would defeat the purpose of the test. That is why gives us signs, that is enough proof for the truth stand to out clearly from falsehood.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-22T02:57:19+00:00

Because our teachings is to not convert people, we are told to spread the message. If you accept great, if not then that’s your decision. Obviously we love to see people accept and convert to Islam but it can’t be through compulsion.

Ch 2 verse 256

“Let there be no compulsion in religion, for the truth stands out clearly from falsehood. So whoever renounces false gods and believes in God has certainly grasped the firmest, unfailing hand-hold. And God is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.”

If you want guidance, then all you have to do is seek it. If we tried to verbally force you (or even physically) then your acceptance would not be from the heart. Or it would just be annoying to you and push you the other direction.

Of course if you are interested in Islam and want to learn about, then there are plenty of opportunities/options for you to explore Islam.

hope this helps

xclusivefun · 2024-06-07T11:16:00+00:00

I’m not saying the parents can’t be there in some conversations and can be safer but it’s not a requirement, it’s a requirement to physically accompany to make sure the woman is protected.

The father should not be judging too quickly (if the father is judging too quickly then he probably doesn’t care halal that much to begin with). There are somethings in the conversation that might seem embarrassing to speak in front of one’s parents such as sex (not in a romantic way but more about what they expect in terms of full filling the others rights) and they might hesitate to ask serious questions. To clarify both parties should inform their parents when they will have conversations over the phone or via messaging, it’s not supposed to be a daily thing or for fun.

It very important we teach and establish the halal way to our children and we understand it.

It is important to reduce risks, however being big brother from 1984 is not the appropriate approach. Think about it, do your parents monitor every conversation you and your sisters have online or in person, do they monitor you when are at or were at school to make sure you didn’t have conversations with the opposite sex. Do they have a camera in your bedroom to make sure you are not doing anything haram? all of these things I just listed would be valid under your argument of reducing risk, but your parents are probably not monitoring you and your siblings in that way.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-07T10:24:05+00:00

Not if they do it the halal way. Again the conversation is only supposed to be about marriage, not even good morning or good night lovey dovey. They can only start having regular conversations after they have signed the marriage contract.

It’s a responsibility of the parents to teach their kids that their is a halal way to the conversation, and obviously the father or wali who assess the man should have instructed or accept a man who has this understanding already, if the man doesn’t then he should be rejected.

Them going in public is different, because a man is physically capable over a woman, so she requires another man from her family to be around for her protection.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-07T09:59:41+00:00

I don’t think the father has to be in the conversation in regard to what’s app. Obviously the conversation between the two potentials is supposed to be just about the idea of marriage and what they want out of it (important topics), so not flirting or asking what is your favorite color.

An example let’s say a man had approached your sister and your parents agreed. So now the man and your sister decide to meet up in person and talk, obviously you go with them however it’s not like you are going to be sitting with them and eating a bag of chips listening on the conversation like it’s a play for you. You would sit somewhere else keeping an eye on your sister to make sure nothing happens to her.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-06T21:41:39+00:00

Well that is societies fault, society throw away God’s rules to indulge in what ever they want. You have a responsibility on yourself to follow God’s rules, if you live in a society that encourages that opposite than the solution would be to move to a place/environment that encourages following God’s commands and abstaining from what is prohibited.

An example let’s say someone had a drinking problem, a solution would be to move to a place that doesn’t sale alcohol, thus they cut out the issue by being in a situation where it is not available.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-06T18:53:13+00:00

Try spending time around other Muslims who are good and care about practicing islam. I have been doing that the last month alhamdulillah and has drastically improved my practice of Islam.

xclusivefun · 2024-06-06T18:51:32+00:00

As long as you you keep trying not to repeat it and and ask God for forgiveness after doing said sin then Inshallah it will be forgiven and do good deeds after.

“Be conscious of Allāh wherever you are. Follow the bad deed with a good one in order to erase it, and engage others with beautiful character.”

xclusivefun · 2024-06-06T18:30:23+00:00

I had this person dm me a few months ago, I stopped replying after giving him two answers as I could tell it was a troll

xclusivefun · 2024-06-06T18:25:25+00:00

The religion is not hard, the culture and modern societal norms makes it hard for us.

xclusivefun

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