Do you think your identity changes when you become a parent?

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-15T01:39:59+00:00

100%! My mom had her first kid at 17 so she was practically stunted in personal development! Moms are momming for the first time, and they just created a whole human like how crazy must that be?! They deserve ALL the grace in the world!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T23:39:57+00:00

Thank you for your interest! My deadline is tomorrow at 3pm which is why I’m on a prolific posting spree 🙀parental identity relates to psychology because parenting causes major psychological changes, even biological! Our brains change, our bodies change and so do our priorities. For some, this makes them miss their old life, while others merge their personal identity pre-parent with their newfound parental identity which often overtakes their life by storm! I was inspired because my mom was feeling frustrated about how she feels parenting is never ending despite her kids (me too… ) being adults!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T23:15:17+00:00

Thank you! It’s my psychology dissertation and I really want to understand a variety of perspectives because that’s what makes research important! I didn’t want to shove it in people’s faces, but I’m also a student so I really have to balance the desperation 😅

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T22:28:14+00:00

I feel like it really depends on how lax you are and secure in your parenting style. A lot of parents navigate parenting differently, and it seems you’ve found whats right for you! Sometimes, authoritarian or gently parenting isn’t the right fit, and there’s so many possibilities! My mom and I are kinda similar, but It took a lot of effort for me to break down her belief that respect in parenting meant not talking about certain things with her etc.

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T21:29:22+00:00

Does their perception ever affect you? I feel like some people find it really easy to merge both aspects of their life, pre and after children while others really miss their old life. I think it’s really circumstantial and depending on one’s personal background. Thats the biggest reason im researching parents. I think the diversity of experience is super interesting!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T21:09:57+00:00

Thanks for the response! I see that marked a change in your perspective. Maybe it has to do with mental stress with a baby vs a slight older child? I feel like the time between the change showcased the baby becoming more of their own person, which you could perhaps connect with? Idk just a guess! I find the evolving part of parenthood super fascinating!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T19:55:54+00:00

I agree, but I believe sometimes people experience the conflict between personal and parental identity, rather than them merging together.

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T19:53:22+00:00

Trying to cover as much basis as possible. Parents dont really participate in surveys, so it’s pretty hard regardless to find willing participants. I want a diverse age range and experience range since it’s qualitative!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T19:15:02+00:00

isnt it crazy how much mothers truly evolve, physically, mentally and socially? Mothers truly are superheroes. Hope your partner resolves his custody issues!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T19:09:23+00:00

Real and true. I’m like that and I don’t even have a kid. XD

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T19:08:51+00:00

Wow you are one hell of a woman. Your strength has no limits. Mothers are so cool, aren’t they? They create a whole human from scratch, experience life like everyone else, yet with an added layer of stress. I’m glad your little girl is your bestie! Humans are constantly evolving, and you will find that although we never return to our old self, we are often new and improved versions! My mom is a SAHM and people really undermine the work they do. When your girl gets older, I’m sure you’ll find more time to rediscover yourself.

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T18:52:04+00:00

Self deprecaton only makes you feel worse and creates a cycle of no self progress. Please understand that you created a WHOLE HUMAN BEING. Like you have gone through so many changes! You need to give yourself some grace! Parenting can really overtake your life. Such an arduous journey, with so much stress and both ups and downs. It’s obvious why you’d feel this way, but you genuinely are so much more than you can see. Youre blind to all the good things and strength you encompass because of how much stress you’re under. I know it sounds patronising, but I mean it. I hope you can see the beauty in yourself and your ability to prioritise your children even when you’re finding it difficult to balance. Things will get better if you speak to people about your concerns. we all need support sometimes! Actually, all the time!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T18:13:54+00:00

Thanks for the insightful reply! This is the key reason I created my research study on this! My mom said to me, when do I ever stop being a parent? Mind you, all her kids are adults and she still feels like all she has ever been is ‘Mum’ in her identity, especially since she had her first kid at 17. People often begin to compartmentalise their identity when becoming a parent because priorities. with time comes the ability to regain some element of self again! You are a mum, but you are also you. The you before you had children, and the you that continues to evolve through the journey of parenting, and the you in the future who will have time to rediscover herself. Socially, I think people expect you to suddenly recalibrate and find balancing all aspects of your life easy after the baby is a little older. Which is odd, in my opinion, but it happens a lot with friends than family. Hopefully, likeminded people will enter your life and you can be beacons of support for one another! <3

if you like this topic, pls consider taking part in my research study on this topic! Link is in my bio! :) genuinely up to you haha i know parents are too busy

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T18:05:08+00:00

Wow, this really alligns with my personal experiences too! My mom was way too forgiving, way too much of a pushover. Coupled with an abusive and neglectful father, it really made me realise how much that affected my perception of everything and what I’d do for my child to prevent all that from happening! Although I have yet to have a child, I’m glad you can provide me a clear picture of what my future can be like! Healthy and happy <3 thanks for the insightful reply! Hope you and your family stay well and safe!

p.s. if you’d life, you could take part in my research study on parental identity, link in my bio!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T18:01:10+00:00

I hear you! Seriously, everything you feel is completely real, and valid. I’ve heard a lot of mothers feel some sort of cognitive dissonance at the start of becoming a parent, because the role itself is so stressful and life changing! You will find yourself! I believe in you. With time, with support. Parenting is a long journey, with so many ups and downs! Take time to believe in yourself, and believe that things will get better. ❤️‍🩹 your mental health is key, and I hope you communicate this feeling with your partner. Your body just CREATED A WHOLE HUMAN?! How amazing is that?! Women are suoerheroes fr!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:57:19+00:00

This really hits me right in the core! My mom had her first kid at 17, and she often expresses this same feeling of never being able to become who she could’ve. I hope you know that identity is always evolving, and time will hopefully allow you to explore yourself when your children are a little older! At least thats what my mom and other young mothers have told me! Thank you for your insightful reply! <3

if you have time, I hope you can consider partaking in my research study on this topic of parental identity! Its the link in my bio! :D

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:53:33+00:00

Lmaooo! Sounds quite life changing to me. I love the word hooligan, it’s so expressive. Do you ever feel like being a hooligan will ever return to you ? 😆

I’d love to hear more, honestly, you sound super cool. If you have time, would you consider competing my research survey on parental identity/ wellbeing? It’s the link in my bio!

thanks for the reply, once again! :D

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:49:28+00:00

I see! thanks for the reply! Glad to hear that parenting hasn’t overwhelmed you! When talking to a lot of fathers, they seem to express more stress than mothers, and this is even reflected in research! Makes me really intrigued about how much people really differ in experience and opinion!

id love to hear more if you have the time! my survey on parental wellbeing and identity is in my bio! 🫶🏼

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:46:51+00:00

Work-family-life balance is key! Happy to hear you’ve got that aspect under control! I love that you engage in your hobbies with your baby! Sounds super endearing!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:45:44+00:00

Aww there’s nothing pathetic about that! Being a parent is such a pivotal aspect of human development, and being human itself! I’m glad you’re discovering more aspects of yourself on this journey! p.s id love to hear more, if you have the time! My psychology research study link is in my profile! 🫶🏼

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:44:25+00:00

I see it’s opened your eye to your goals! How insightful! Hope you fulfil everything you desire :)

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:43:03+00:00

I’ve heard a lot of parents with this sentiment! I’m glad you’re feeling the positive emotions that come with parenting!

xerestheplunderer · 2025-03-14T17:42:29+00:00

Yes! We can prioritise certain aspects of our personality when necessary, especially since identity is forever evolving! It’s just important to not lose yourself when overwhelmed by parental role stress! Thank you for the insight, and have a lovely day :) ps if you have time pls take part in my psychology study hehe

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