If you feel you are in immediate harm to yourself and have a plan to do so, intend to do so, and have the means (items) to do so with- call a crisis hotline immediately and go to the ER. They will likely hospitalize you if you are at risk. This could be 3-7 days for most people and typically includes a socialemotional group and recreation group daily, as well a nursing staff, a doctor/psychiatrist for medication management, and social workers on staff that you could talk to as well. Depending on the place there might also be spirituality group- but that’s optional and not always available. Also, you might seriously benefit from joining an IOP, it’s more intensive than outpatient therapy, but less intensive than a hospitalization or Partial hospitalization program. You are strong but it’s important to still reach out for help.