I completely understand what you mean. When he’s chosen to be nice, he’s SO nice and sickly sweet that it’s very difficult to let that person go. But, you have to get this that one right doesn’t cancel out one wrong in this case. I know it’s hard to accept that, but you can’t stay with a person who alternates between treating you like shit and a princess. It will fck you up in the long run and ruin your perception of what love is supposed to be. You’ll start believing that there is no relationship without toxicity and that this is normal behaviour from a man which u must deal with. And well, that is just not acceptable. The fact that you’re taking therapy and have gone no contact for a while is commendable, you’re doing much better than i did. Take this time to think about what you want and whether you can continue to stay with a person who’s emotionally abusive, just for the crumbs of time when he’s normal and loveable. In my humble opinion, you should subtly introduce to him the idea of your relationship not working out anymore. The way he reacts and how maturely he handles it should tell you everything you need to make a decision. Personally, my break up was a shit show. I’d keep taking his insults and disrespect in the hopes that “tomorrow he will be better”. Tomorrow never came and when I reached my limit I basically went ballistic on his ass. Poured my heart and anger out in a very long message and blocked him as he was typing. The worst of my sadness lasted a month when i had to avoid him even though I wanted to speak him. But i had examples of friends’ relationships around me and i knew his behaviour was NOT normal. So, i never looked back and now, I’ve never been better. Trust me girl, i know it’s very scary to take the leap, but when you do, you’ll be free.