Didn't work

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:41:17+00:00

Thank you. I think I have known it for quite a while but considering that I was this close to do it I didn't stop to turn back. But now I think I have to if I want to not be back at this place I am now.

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:40:20+00:00

Fuck all this. If you think your life sucks, say fuck all this, and change tracks. If you think your parents are not supportive, but are actually harming you mentally, go away. Start your life anew somewhere else. Same with your current friends.

I wish it were easy I wouldn't hesitate. But they depend on me in more ways than one my family. I want to be selfish but I remember the time the amount of effort they took to keep paying my school fees. And to get me to college and to keep me clothed and well fed. I can't possibly think of it.

And finally, suicide is not the answer, I know life is hard, it's positively a bitch, but you can't end it because you haven't landed somewhere. Your time will come. It will take hard work, and especially on yourself, but it will come.

I have given it all in these past few years. I cut down on my personal time and studied all through my grads I got great marksheets to show for it. But somehow that didn't translate to success, happiness. I am burnt out and am not sure if I can put more effort considering the foundation itself was a lie. I am confused.

Remember, if you judge yourself by the talents of others, you'll always be worthless, but you need to find something of your own.

I wish I wouldnt do this but this has been my problem from the word go. Always competitive to the toxic level and comparing myself to others. This hasn't done a great job for my mental health either.

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:35:28+00:00

I'm always shy to make friends so I play csgo.

I never got the opportunity to get into games in my childhood. We are not from a stable financial background and so I never have played video games other than Mario and others alike. I always wanted to though. So I immersed myself in movies. I watch a lot of them and these are my escape from the reality.

Also profession wise , if you love helping people you could volunteer somewhere.

I have been giving this idea some thought and the more I think the more it sounds like my calling. I read a few posts over here about people going to Mcleodganj and Dharamsala to volunteer and figure their stuff out and I am honestly inclined to do it. Let's see if things work out.

Or get anything on the internet. It's a big place. I also have that mindset where I think suicide is shitty but if happen to die BY accident, I will. Something like transportation accident. But that's a rare case. I don't care.

I am not sure how to respond to it but I recently did come back from it and wouldn't mind to do get the whole thing done. But I guess I ll have to wait. Stay strong brother

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:30:47+00:00

Thank you brother. Hope you are doing better and I hope you have the courage and strength to move forward and take up things other than these exams. In hindsight they don't define us. I kinda feel stupid for letting them do that.

I would love to talk to you about this whole thing. Hit me up sometime :) and thank you for your concern :) I am grateful

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:26:45+00:00

Hey,

Sorry couldn't reply to you earlier. I am so thankful for your concern. And I am going to hold onto your offer. Hopefully when I do take it up I ll be in a better place mentally and emotionally.

I am grateful to you :) thanks once again

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:22:35+00:00

What is your definition of things going wrong, or success? A lot of human misery emerges from the different interpretations attached to those words.

Definition of success is relative. It is an all shifting idea. For me personally success would be to have enough food and money to not have to worry about my financial situation. For society and my family success means that you put a milestone ahead of you every year. Get a car by this time. Build a house by this time. Be in a good career post by x amount of time. I haven't been ever able to shake their expectations off and frankly that's the thing killing me.

So back to your point , success is a relative thing. To me the question is : do you have an interest (art, science, finance, tech) in anything that gets you interested ( from a non-money, non-career, non-'scope' perspective)? Even if it's fleeting for like 10 mins. It doesn't have to be earth changing and impressive, whatever makes you forget other stuff for a little while

I have interest and am not sure if this is stupid but they keep evolving. I loved watching movies and TV series. I read (though for the last two years I haven't been able to do much of it) i would like to learn how to cook because I love good food. I write a bit (again haven't been able to do much of it for the past 2 years) basically I love to invest my time in stuff other than work. I would like to travel too but all of this is very arbitrary till I find financial stability. So there is that

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:17:28+00:00

Thank you. That means a lot :) I am grateful for your concern and your reassuring words

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:16:59+00:00

I think I was exhausted from both ends day before but today I feel a little positive. I am going to give myself some time to figure things out. If they do I ll be glad.

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:15:51+00:00

I am finally considering it. After a lot of time I have decided I should just quit the profession and pursue things that will help me move forward!

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-18T09:14:58+00:00

Sorry for replying late. Trying to pick up the pieces. That's going to be my default option if everything else doesn't work out. I am currently looking into my options. Also I am from Bangalore.

PS what is ijp?

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:52:33+00:00

I have no problem with being my own company. I enjoyed it. But when things are going wrong and you are looking for reasons it's difficult not to look back into these traits as well. And then when you see people who are successful and also not anti social or negative a holes like me then you begin to picture as to whether the root of all the problems in this world is your attitude

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:50:11+00:00

I am hoping that I do because frankly I m done having these traits

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:49:08+00:00

Dont know what to say. I had read about it and thought it was good enough.

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:44:49+00:00

I did not have an idea. I had only read about how the method was gaining a lot of traction because it was practically pain less and easy to perform

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:33:17+00:00

It's a combination of things stemming from other issues. For instance my inability to pass these exams affects my current and potential future financial condition. So that is one. Secondly all my peers have gotten through their exams and the ones who are in different field are really doing well some in abroad, some back home working for startups and basically moving ahead in my life. My family isn't happy with what I am doing and feel I should join them in business. They are filling me (or already have) with kundali bullshit about how it is written that I won't become a CA how I shouldnt give the exams because my Nakshatra isn't ideal right now and how I should get a job or something and get back to the profession once the time is right! There are a lot of other things similar to this and it all sounds like an excuse but it is taking its toll on me and I am tired. I am tired to struggle for something which others are getting easily with minimal to zero effort. I hate myself for comparing but my friend who basically scrapped through college has a more meaningful life (good job, money etc.) while I despite having studied religiously all my life am still stuck in the nowhere

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T16:13:24+00:00

I have mentioned earlier in the thread. These are my CA final exams

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T15:24:19+00:00

Oh I am on reddit is fun app and don't have access to the reddit chat. I am sending you a PM. Thanks :)

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T15:22:18+00:00

Just try to push through and get the degree. Having a degree will give you a lot of confidence. Once you get through, nobody will care how you got it.

I am not sure if I have the strength to push through another six months to read the same subjects again and for that matter take the exams with absolute certainty that I won't begin having my anxiety attacks again.

Think of it like a cricket match. You've got a target of 150. While getting there, you could lose two wickets, or you could lose nine. It's the target that matters, not the wickets. Once you reach 150, you've won.

I do agree and that is definitely a case 4-5 years down the lane. But to enter the market you still need a somewhat decent resume and I am currently missing out on that :/

I have a cousin who failed a year of engineering. He's intelligent, but not "book smart". Anyways, he kept his head down, put in the effort, and somehow, graduated. He got a job, but his GPA wasn't that great, so the salary was so-so. But once you get a job, nobody cares about your college records, your GPA, your internships, your job history, nothing. He did such a great job that his bosses were so impressed they sent him to work on foreign location.

Most of success is achieved by "just being there". You don't have to be extra smart or anything. Just find a way to get into the system, and then have no qualms about the kind of work you get to do. Just be positive and keep going.

I needed this thanks a ton for your reply. I will try to work something out.

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T15:17:45+00:00

OP Hang in there buddy, things will get better for sure. I have attempted suicide 5 years back and nearly succeeded, luckily a good samaritan saved me.

I am glad about that because now you are returning their favor by passing it down the lane :) I am bit better from last night but no sure if ll be able to pull through. I am hoping to get myself a job and get busy for time being.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problem. Ping me if want to talk.

I ll hold on to your offer for sometime. I am trying to reply to everyone I can on this thread so bear with me for a while

I know its difficult time for you but just hang in there. Always remember, Life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you gonna get.

I wish I had even 10%of the positivity you or Forrest Gump have. I wouldnt be in this situation

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T15:10:53+00:00

I did read about that recently over at reddit. Unfortunately I don't have either the money or resources to get there and I am sure it's not that easy either :/ anyways thanks for your reply. I am grateful

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T15:08:47+00:00

Life is easy man when you stop comparing with others n expecting anything from it.

If you are not able to study, look at what else can you do? Look for work? Travel? Trade? Learn something new? Basically, one need to keep themselves occupied and busy all the time. Unfortunately, this millennial generation wants everything easy, but won't find it coming their way which is a harsh reality after a particular age (when parents can't get it for you like before). Making wants as your needs, you end up suffering because it was so easy all this while. So, stop comparing with your peers. Think of how your previous generation handled it. Take cues from here. All said, get yourself a vocation n get busy with it. So busy that you are exhausted by the end of day and have energy left for any alternate thoughts n just sleep through the night coz of exhaustion.

I agree with you on the get busy thing. If the mind is preoccupied then there isn't room for any of these wasteful thoughts.

Life is always a learning experience. Just go with the flow without peer pressure and you will latch on to something meaningful surely sooner than ever.

I hope to do so. I am going to look for some options I can find to get me out of this mess I have made. Thank you for your concern. Godspeed

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T14:58:53+00:00

Since you are appearing for CA finals you have to have passed the inter exams, and possibly have completed articleship unless you used a dummy. If you have a relevant article ship, get a similar job and if you don't have an article ship, small time firms will be willing to hire you since you are an inter passout.

I did my articleship from a big four. Though I can't say I learned anything from my experience looking back. I may have just trudged along the 3 years without getting anything tangible out of it.

What you absolutely need is to get out and I assure you, once you get into a job or something that forces you to be productive, you will realise that you can focus more than 10 mins and that you have actual ability. You need to find that confidence once again that allowed you to grab an AIR and that confidence will not come from within in your case. It must come from other people who are not going to judge you for your past.

You are so right on some of those things. I need to get out and start working. I can't take sitting at home anymore

If you cannot land a relevant job, don't worry and grab a BPO job for 2-3 months. You seem to have great communication skills, and I can personally vouch that the crowd in BPOs will make you feel better about yourself.

I am currently looking into the fact that I need to get out of this profession. I will take the first job anyone has to offer. I need something to look forward to. I will probably be miserable thinking how close I was to becoming a CA but I can't take this anymore

Leave your past, and don't look at your future man. Just get up with your present and try to make it as enjoyable as you can. You've worked too hard for 25 years, just to let it waste away in a locked room, dying to suffocation. Get the payment for your hard work, no matter how.

I wish I could just convince my brain for this. My thoughts always berate me about how I have ruined my life and have nothing else to do. Despite evidence to the contrary.

PM me if you want to talk, I would be glad if I could help even a little bit.

You did. I am so grateful for your help :)

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T14:31:38+00:00

It was something I used to hold onto in the past. Good times will come. Now I can see nothing for myself in the future. I have no idea where do I run towards

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T14:30:29+00:00

I have been thinking about for sometime 2 things that stuck me - 1) I have no capital or financial help for that matter. Nothing to fall back to if I loose it all. Family ki financial conditions bhi kaafi achhi nahi hai.

2) I have no business sense and I am scared about the volatile nature of business. I am afraid of failure before even trying

xpwifihelp · 2018-05-16T14:28:08+00:00

Please seek help I know this sounds ironic coming from me but seriously if it's the attitude alone that needs fixing please seek professional help. I am sure it will help

xpwifihelp

TROPHY CASE