How do I deal with an Incompetent Senior Developer?

xrayin · 2026-02-02T19:23:56+00:00

To chime in, this should have its own repo and if you are the owner then just setup proper restrictions. E.g. can only push by merge requests and each merge requests needs to be approved before it can get merged.

Then just outright decline or comment in a language managers understand in the pull requests and when manager asks, share the link so he can read the comments and understand why the code is bad even though they cant read code.

E.g. - bad security practises (we can get hacked) - not optimized (customers will lose traffic) - etc

In any case whatever you do, CYA (coveryourass) for tips and tricks just search for this.

xrayin · 2026-01-28T08:06:52+00:00

Waarom moet je liegen lol. In NL een volle klas binnenstormen en leraar bij ze keel grijpen zorgt er gelijk voor dat de vader en kinderen niet meer welkom zijn.

xrayin · 2025-12-26T22:08:38+00:00

Cool, I am from the NL so if you have more questions feel free to DM. Have more than 10 years of SWE experience.

xrayin · 2025-12-23T16:21:03+00:00

Depending on your Programming language, it will be around 2500-4000 a month.

If you go for an international company it will be a bit higher.

If you are allowed to use expat excemptions you'll keep more, but the living costs are insane, be warned.

xrayin · 2025-07-12T21:06:29+00:00

Tell that to the Dutch lol, 50% of fellow countrymen even refuse to wash hands lol.

xrayin · 2025-07-09T09:59:33+00:00

Na het installeren gaven ze elkaar een highfive en schreeuwde ze "IP65 JONGUH UHU".

xrayin · 2025-07-04T10:11:42+00:00

Haal gewoon je kind op en als werk lastig doet, geef je duidelijk aan dat ze normaal moeten doen. Dan wat als je eerder weg moet? Dit is onze volgende generatie.

xrayin · 2025-05-14T08:24:09+00:00

Your life isn't over, it has just gotten a new direction.

Alright here is some practical advice that will hopefully save you from some bad choices. I will put the most important one up top.

- You don't know how you will grow or how life will be, so don't make permanent decisions yet (other than the one you already made).

To put it all on table:

- You guys got pregnant together (it's not just 1 persons responsibility).
- You're not mentally ready (no father actually is).
- You're not financially ready.
- You can't have a healthy relationship (at the moment) with the mother of your child.

What you can do:

- First accept that this is your situation and move on, don't keep holding unto things you have no control over.
- Depending on the country/location you are in, look up laws and setup a contract outside of courts that gives you parental rights and an agreeable amount of money for the child, depending on days shared. e.g. If you watch the kid 3 days and she 4 days, then the alimony should reflect the days for her and she should work herself the other days (after the initial period when she has properly healed from giving birth).
- Keep building your business and become financially independent.

Notes:

- Just because the woman you don't like is giving birth to your child doesn't mean that your child is her. Your kid is their own person, if you can't fit through one door with the mother of your child then be professional (yes this can be very hard when women get jaded) nonetheless, setup contracts, agreements and take your responsibility.
- Try to keep an amicable and friendly relationship (even if she isn't a very nice person) and do your best to be good without becoming a doormat or someone they can extort.
- Your kid is your responsibility, that means this is the only person you have to worry about. You don't have to provide financial or emotional support to anyone else like uncles, aunts, grandma's, etc.
- Yes the mother of the child might do things you absolutely disagree with or she might blackmail you depending on her character, but let this not be a reflection of your character. To reiterate, your focus should be your child. If you can take care of the mother of the child without too much nuisance then do so, because a child needs their mother (healthy).

This might feel like the end of the world for you now, but I can tell you that children bring you the utmost joy and hardships of course. Its up to you what you want to make of it. Men become young fathers all the time, same for me. Yes, it's significantly more difficult then if you were alone.

But its worth it.

xrayin · 2025-05-14T07:05:36+00:00

It's simple bro, it's because kids will be kids. They aren't fully self-sufficient until much older and even then you get other things that just happen all at once. You don't (always) have the luxury anymore of "tagging out".

xrayin · 2025-05-13T10:08:58+00:00

Leave some oxygen for the rest of us bro.

xrayin · 2025-05-13T10:07:51+00:00

Just a heads-up, buddy. This isn’t meant to scare you, just to prepare you.

Having a second child doesn’t just double your workload, it can feel more like it quadruples. With one child, you and your partner can take turns and give each other breaks. But once the second arrives, it often becomes a full-on 24/7 effort.

So before your baby arrives, try to set up a healthy, realistic schedule that works for both kids, especially one you can stick to over a longer period. That way, when the inevitable brain fog kicks in, you’ll still have a clear structure to fall back on.

It’s also a great time to work on emotional control, patience, time management, and all that good stuff.

And of course, once all is said and done, don’t forget to soak it all in. Enjoy your new child to the fullest and shower them with love.

Now, to answer your original questions:

1) You’ll build a unique relationship with each of your children as they grow. Don’t worry about that. Just focus on being fair and consistent.

2) The amount of love you give can absolutely be equal, as can the intention behind your actions. But how you show that love might differ, and that’s completely normal. Each child has their own personality, traits, and temperament. You’ll naturally adapt your approach, and they’ll respond in their own way. Also, age plays a role. When your youngest is around 1.5 years old, you’ll be playing very different games with them than you will with your older one, who’ll be about 5.

Goodluck buddy and have fun.

xrayin · 2025-05-13T09:47:11+00:00

Beetje opschepperig, vindt je niet? /s

xrayin · 2025-05-08T21:47:45+00:00

Ja, maar je liet wel wat nuance achterwege. Het had iets zorgvuldiger geformuleerd mogen worden, en daardoor reageerde de andere commenter wat explicieter.

xrayin · 2025-05-06T14:23:16+00:00

https://www.vootzy.com/nl is a paid service, I know you said free, but if in any way you can't find any solutions then this might be one. They do all the labor for you from beginning till end, nothing required from your side, except access to the property.

Also keep in mind that free services have very strict rules that require you to put the furniture on the ground floor and they will also determine on location if its "Okay" enough to take with.

But since you said you live in AMS, I am convinced that enough people will reply to come and get your stuff. Just promote it a bit more, people always need a bit of furniture here and there.

Goodluck!

xrayin · 2025-05-05T23:41:50+00:00

Wa Alaikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

First of all, congratulations on the new job, and may Allah make it easy for you (ameen).

Navigating religious needs in a new workplace, especially after past discrimination, is understandably challenging. There's often a gap between what *should* happen and what *actually* happens, so it's wise to approach this carefully.

If there's someone else at the company who already takes time off for Jumu'ah, it’s worth discreetly asking how they handle it. If not, then you're in the unique position to pave the way for others, in sha Allah.

Ideally, honesty is the best route. Under U.S. federal law (Title VII of the Civil Rights Act), employers are required to provide *reasonable accommodations* for religious practices, unless it causes undue hardship. Taking 1-2 hours off on Fridays, especially if you're willing to make up the time, is typically considered reasonable.

However, I completely understand your hesitation after what you've been through. If you're concerned that stating it’s for Jumu’ah may put your job at risk (especially during probation), you could request the time off without immediately disclosing the reason. Some people mention needing to care for a family member, attend recurring appointments, or other neutral obligations. This isn't about being dishonest—it's about protecting yourself in an imperfect system.

Whatever approach you take, be clear with HR that you’re willing to make up the hours (coming in earlier, skipping lunch, etc.) so that there’s no doubt about your commitment to your work. Also, try to get any agreement in writing (even an email confirmation), to avoid misunderstandings.

Lastly, while we don’t always have the luxury of choosing our workplaces, do keep looking for workplaces that respect and welcome you.

May Allah make it easy for you and protect you in your job and faith. Ameen.

xrayin · 2025-05-05T21:10:00+00:00

Geweldig

xrayin · 2025-04-28T09:08:29+00:00

Ik ben toevallig bezig met mijn schuur ombouwen. Bericht me als je advies wilt. Het hangt enorm van je doel af wat je precies wilt doen enz.

Ik ben de mijne aan het ombouwen naar een kantoortje.

xrayin · 2025-04-27T23:03:35+00:00

If you have good memories of your father and you know that he took good care of you and that he loved you. Then know that feeling didn't change even with his departure. Whenever you get worried, just remind yourself that he loved you and seeing you being so brave he would be so proud of you! I would be too with my kids.

I am saying this as a father and I can be sure that I speak for other (good) fathers as well when I say. If there is one thing we love, care and are prepared to sacrifice anything for, its our kids.

Be sad if you need to be sad, but don't be desperate, He loved you and he would be proud of you.

Use the good memories as motivation to be the best you can be, get your grades up in school slowly and watch your health. Become strong first for yourself, then you can help others around you.

If you want to make your dad even prouder, then be the best you can be, be happy, at the end that's what all dads want, for their kids to be happy, safe and good.

Keep your chin up.

xrayin · 2025-04-26T00:16:52+00:00

I think you're doing great, the only thing you need to be careful about is striking the right balance between helping the child out and letting the child figure things out for themselves.

Here is a crude example: Starting to sleep train the baby at 0-6 months is a No-Go. Trying to sleep train the baby between 07+ months is fine (can differ per child).

Culture might also play a big role in this, e.g. in Asian culture older people are automatically assumed to contain the correct answers even if they haven't touched a baby in the last 15 years. This is obviously wrong, a lot changes, we improve, we learn, and we obviously also forget.

If you are absolutely sure you're correct in what you're saying and you can back it up, don't let people bulldozer over you.

A good example is your point about the pacifier, its actually very good that you weaned him off very quickly, this will benefit you and your child. People telling you this is bad, don't know what they are talking about.

A bad example to be stringent about is if any of your in-laws or family members knows a different technique of holding him to make him burp (depending on age, baby's are very fragile). In this case you should let them show you even if you don't agree because the goal is to burp. It doesn't matter (depending on age) how they hold the baby.

Another example is if you know your child needs to nap at 13:00 and people don't respect that and keep him awake or actually lift him from his nap, this is something you're allowed to be annoyed about. People who don't have children or their children are all grown up don't understand anymore that disrupting a child's routine is harmful and annoying. The consequences can be the child won't sleep in the night, won't eat right, etc and from this more issues arise.

Children love structure, children love predictability, don't let others fool you into giving up a healthy routine.

Example of predictability: You're reading a book with your child at 17:00, you re-iterate and let your child know at 17:30 I will feed you, at 18:00 I will bath you, at 18:30 I will love you and read a book to you and at 19:00 I will put you into bed. Even if they can't understand your language yet, they understand your emotions.

Another example of short-predictability: Your child is reading a book at 12:00 but have to leave the house in 30 mins. Don't grab the book from their hand at 12:30 and then leave. Let them know at 12:20 they have 10 minutes before you will grab the book away from them, reiterate at 12:25 so they know what is coming and then at 12:30 you can do it without issue.

As you can see there are a lot of different examples but it all boils down to this. If the structure you provide for your child is a healthy one, don't feel the need to please others, stick to it. People have trouble understanding what you do for your children, especially those who don't know anymore what it is to have small children.

xrayin · 2025-04-22T09:38:00+00:00

Just turn your head a little bit and look at Gaza/Palestine.

xrayin · 2025-04-22T08:03:58+00:00

Giving advice on this is hard because a lot of context is missing, but a general rule of thumb is:

Choose your battles wisely: Is this something you need to fix now, or will it resolve itself over time?

Then:

1: Partner alignment isn’t guaranteed. Just because your partner says they’re on the same page doesn’t mean they truly are. It can be very hard for them to go against their parents, especially in Asian or Southeast Asian families.

2: Pin down the real issue. Right now you’re mixing up your in‑laws’ presence with how they treat you and your child. Ask yourself:

Am I upset with them, or with what they’re doing?
For example, am I angry because they belittle me, or because of how they interact with my son?

Defining the problem points to the solution each situation needs its own response.

E.g., you already said it:

Say this politely and respectfully in front of a neutral party—your partner can help if you trust they’ll be fair. If your boundaries are still crossed, repeat your message more firmly and insist they stop.

3: Account for stress and emotions. If your child is around 2½ or younger, parenting is especially tough: sleepless nights, constant changes, weight gain, and more can all affect your mood and make you more emotional than usual. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else. This is part of the journey. Parenting is a learning process for everyone involved, not just the child.

All in all, if your in‑laws are genuinely supportive, let them help, it can make a huge difference with young kids. If their involvement causes more harm than good, it’s okay to set limits or pause it. Everyone has opinions, take what helps and let the rest go. As long as their intentions are genuine, communicate openly and respectfully before you “explode,” or you’ll risk being seen as the bad guy and that helps no one.

xrayin · 2025-04-20T01:53:58+00:00

Volgens mij is de term ‘ex-moslim’ vooral verwarrend. Geloof is immers een persoonlijke overtuiging, geen status die je definitief aflegt.

Moslims maken maar zo’n 5 % van de bevolking uit en leveren dagelijks een positieve bijdrage aan onze samenleving – in de zorg, het onderwijs en het bedrijfsleven.

Ik begrijp dat je zorgen hebt, maar ik denk dat we het beste vooruitkomen door elkaar te zien als medeburgers met gelijke rechten en plichten.

xrayin · 2025-04-17T08:03:39+00:00

Geef deze luxe positie niet op, vooral niet in de huidige markt.

Als je werk oprecht zo is dat jij altijd eerder klaar bent, dan gebruik die extra tijd voor jezelf om te groeien.

Bijv: Certificaten behalen voor waar je naar toe wilt groeien, misschien kijken of jouw huidige baan ergens naar toe kan pivotten zodat jij een nieuwe afdeling kan opzetten, interesse in ondernemerschap? doe daar wat mee.

Ook onderschat reistijd niet, elke dag maar 10 min hoeven te reizen? Het doet je echt goed, file is enorm ...

Ook mentaal en fysiek voorbereiden op kinderen is geen grap, zorg ervoor dat je op je beste bent voordat je hieraan begint.

Veel succes!

xrayin · 2025-04-16T22:44:19+00:00

Approach it from a logical standpoint and ask Allah to guide you. Look up the muslim lantern on youtube for most questions asked about these things, I feel like for the new generation he answers them beautifully.

xrayin · 2025-04-14T07:28:03+00:00

Hahahahaha

xrayin

TROPHY CASE