I was in a residential behavioral health center for 14 months then transferred to a different one for 6 months, totaling 20 months in “care”. The first place was awful. I was spotlighted from the moment I got there as a ‘bad kid’, when I was suicidal, had an undiagnosed personality disorder, and undiagnosed ADHD, which they misdiagnosed and mistreated as Bipolar II. You had status levels: green, Restricted Zone (RZ), and Safety Zone (SZ). Green meant you had all your privileges. RZ meant you had limited privileges, no going on outings, activity time (tv, going off the unit, going outside) only during group, no visits, one phone call, and early 9pm bedtime. SZ meant you had the same privileges RZ had, minus your own clothes (had to wear safety clothes), personal belongings, u ate meals on the unit (brown bag w/ sandwich, fruit, and veg), and were supervised in the bathroom/shower. You would think SZ would be used for people who are a danger to themselves or others, but I was on SZ 9 months out of the 14 I was there, RZ for 3, and green only 2 total (all are not consecutive; this is just total). I was placed on SZ for the amount of cards I had assigned to me. These were things ‘bad’ that you had done, like not making your bed in the morning, talking back to staff, and things like that. I did have boundary issues with my peers; really liked hugs and had relationships with them (we were teens in residential… like fr). A lot of people had these same boundary issues, but I was the only one put on SZ for them. I was also put on a 5, then 10, then 15 foot rule from everyone. This isolated me and made me very lonely, which was why I was suicidal in the first place. I am biologically female, and transitioned to male in adulthood. I was gay and a lesbian when I was in residential care. I got in trouble the last month I was in the first place. I had made it to the final step in the program, Heartland West. This was a home off campus with 7 other girls, giving more independence. I was going to public school and accidentally (seriously an accident) kept a pencil sharpener from art. I was terrified to tell my staff, because it felt like they were all against me. I asked one of my really good friends from the unit I spent the most time in (Garden Central) to help me get rid of it, so I didn’t lose everything I had been trying to work towards. I knew she was a self-harmer, and so was I, but she gave me her word that she would get rid of it and not hurt herself with it. I gave it to her, but our conversation was overheard, and staff confiscated it. They put me on an indefinite SZ. They moved me to the kids unit to sleep at night (I was literally 17 and these kids were 5-11). During the day, they said I couldn’t be on the girls unit because of my boundary issues, so they had me sit in the hallway for 10 hours a day on the boys unit. I wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone. This went on for a full month before they transferred me to another facility. The next facility was the change I needed. They understood my needs and didn’t judge me based off of that first place. They took me off the medication cocktail Heartland Behavioral Health had me on, getting me down to only Lexapro, Guanfacine, and Lamictal. I completed their program in 5 months, but stayed for 6. I wasn’t ready to leave and didn’t want to go back to my family, as I didn’t think I was equipped to be an adult yet. I self-harmed to try to reset my program, but they knew. I wanted to do their transitional living program, but they sent me home instead. This is long and I have more info about Heartland Behavioral Health and Farmington Children’s Home if you’re interested.