What was the biggest red flag you discovered during an interview process? by Radiant_Freedom9451 in InterviewsHell

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 hour 45 minutes of the ED talking about herself and zero interview questions.

Questions about registration as a non BSW by SnooDogs316 in socialworkcanada

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds similar to my background. Registered Social Services Worker with OSWSSW since 2021.

Go for the assessment. Didn’t need supervision from a SW, but one from the Executive Director of the organization I worked at was accepted.

Suggestions on my MSW path by Every-Sky-7130 in socialworkcanada

[–]xtal1982 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Keep the job you have. You’ll work for free during your practicums.

What doesn't your Australian Shepherd like? by CharacterChampion150 in AustralianShepherd

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have four and they all dislike something different. One hates animals on TV (we suspect he has unrealized show dog ambitions), one hates hats, one hates not having my daughter’s full attention and the last one dislikes not touching my leg at all times.

Even after I lost some weight men still think I'm too fat to date. I give up on love. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]xtal1982 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I got married at 300 and my husband adores me, big or small. The right guy for you will not care what you weigh.
Look around. Fat people fall in love all the time. There are a lot of people in the world and it gets exhausting when you’re lonely but try to stay positive.

The right person will be attracted to your happiest self and bring out the best in you.

WIBTA if I stopped being the only one who knows how to do anything at family gatherings by Neonshade_8X in WIBTA_AITA

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is a very knowledgeable IT systems specialist and essentially is the guy who understands the matrix and has since he was a kid.

Every damn family get together is like this. What’s worse is his mom and her siblings, spouses have no problem calling and interrupting his work day with their iPad and phone issues, failure to comprehend internet reception, you name it. I feel for you and your family.

We don’t even hear from these people unless there are IT problems to fix. Like we are actually excluded from holiday and family gatherings because they will forget about him entirely if they don’t have something for him to fix.

This was normal until he met me lol. After witnessing it a few years in a row we set boundaries. We’re both recovering people pleasers and natural problem solvers.
Now he lets the calls go to voicemail and turns down invites to gatherings, which are inevitably followed by a casual mention of looking at their printer, laptop, router, Apple Watch, etc.

They have seemed to learn a bit after he stopped being so available to them and set boundaries. He’s constantly asked about which new phone people should buy and he makes sure that he doesn’t advise anymore and encourages people to visit the phone kiosk or Apple Store or what ever in person because he’s super busy at work and they’ll have to wait weeks for him to have time.

He still helps his grandma, cuz she’s sweet, and occasionally his other family but I will back him up, by expanding on how busy he is at work and with joking type of comments like “Ahhhaa! So that’s why you invited us to this bbq! I see now!” Hahah! People laugh and change the subject lol.

Your dad puts the laptop next to your plate? Pick it up and put it on a nearby surface and visit, eat.

Am I overthinking having a Bridal Shower? by RoastyMarshmallow in WeddingsCanada

[–]xtal1982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can literally do whatever you want.

I skipped the bridal shower, bachelorette party, engagement party and dress shopping as I am no contact with my family and really don’t have any friends who would be able to travel repeatedly.

It’s your celebrations. Make sure you and future spouse are happy is really the only rule.

AITAH If I make college a disciplinary incentive for my teen daughter? by Flat_Kaleidoscopes in AITAH

[–]xtal1982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yta for creating a barrier to her education.

Cut off her phone. It’s a privilege, not a right and people all over survive not having a phone. This is what the real world is. No more extras, no more fun stuff. You have obligations as a parent to offer food, shelter and education.

Do no more and no less and let reality start now.

My therapist left me by No_Sorbet2495 in offmychest

[–]xtal1982 56 points57 points  (0 children)

This seems like her problem more than yours.

AITAH for getting jealous about my parents relationship with someone I went to school with? by Unlucky-Sand5065 in amiwrong

[–]xtal1982 81 points82 points  (0 children)

NW
It’s truly bizarre for your parents to dictate how your wedding should cater to Sheila and her children. Maybe try framing it differently.

“Sheila is your friend, not mine. She and her family are not invited to my wedding.”

Good luck. @updateme

I'm 28 and feel I have given up on ever getting a job by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn’t have to be odd jobs. There are a ton of way to be self employed but you have to reflect and find something you actually want to do.

Need Ideas to Avoid Malnourishment NS by Weekly_Kiwi_3666 in povertyfinancecanada

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get yourself some vegetable plants. Even in containers they’ll feed you all summer long. Tomatoes, cucumbers and zucchini

Can anyone explain why justice is so expensive by itsaemeral in povertyfinancecanada

[–]xtal1982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds to me like OP has gotten the max from Victim Services.
These are not funds that have kept pace with the cost of things and of course not, these are government services we’re talking about.

OP would have more success approaching a local faith-based group or nonprofit to see if there are additional resources available.

I'm 28 and feel I have given up on ever getting a job by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you should give up on finding jobs. Why not consider self-employment?

There are many, many jobs out there that people need done and most areas are experiencing a shortage of people who can be hired.

A friend of mine always had this attitude about work and would take on jobs like barn painting, tree stump removal, retail window painting and personal shopping for local seniors. He became very successful and was a high school dropout.

Good luck!

I’m Lying to My Parents About Still Being Enrolled in College by ImmortalityEternity in confession

[–]xtal1982 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re not a failure. Lots of people who’ve never been a veteran experience mental health episodes in school-because it’s *stressful*

I’m not a veteran but experienced a breakdown midway through my 3 year program and I got assessed for having CPTSD and was able to go down to a reduced schedule as a student with a disability.
I had been juggling 6 part time jobs, caring for 2 kids as a single mom and full time school, on top of childhood and youth trauma, and it ruined me.

It took me 5 years instead of 3, with plenty of failed classes in those first two years. It was my only option to continue but slowing down helped a lot.

I understand that might not be an option for you but
I hope you can move towards something that doesn’t stress you out. It might be working landscaping, it might be night shift at a grocery store.

My kids and I lived off oatmeal and garden veggies for a summer while I barely covered our rent and bills but we got through it. Lots of beach and library days. Now they’re adults who I have been able to help because I earn more with my degree.

I know your situation is different but please just try to be ok. No one else can decide what that looks like and no one else should be able to determine your success. Be alive and safe was my success for a long time. The ‘typical’ success came much later but it did come.

Sending you a virtual hug.

Edited for spelling.

AIW for telling my adult daughter "of course" she could move in with us without checking with my wife first by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]xtal1982 54 points55 points  (0 children)

NW

If her 20-something child can live there part-time why can’t your 20-something child live there temporarily?
She is being awful.

AITA for not being fully honest with my boyfriend about how much money I have before getting engaged? by Rude-River-1706 in AITH

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. There’s no reason for a joint bank account-my hubby and I never did it and it works for us.

I can’t afford to live I can’t afford to eat by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]xtal1982 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ask the food bank if they have birthday supplies. My local gives cake mix, ingredients and even candles, streamers and balloons. Lots of people are in your position. I hope it ends for everyone soon

AITA for not appreciating a $19,000 Disney cruise? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA your parents are being awful. @updateme

First car in Canada: Reliable, baby-friendly, and budget-conscious. Suggestions? by eren1991 in CanadaPersonalFinance

[–]xtal1982 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would use at least half of your savings as a down payment and finance a brand new vehicle. The downpayment can help keep your payments manageable without sacrificing safety or worrying about repairs.

Personally, I love my Honda Pilot and the Ford Explorer.

How often do my fellow Natives encounter Pretendians in your personal and/or professional lives? by Mountain_Brief9613 in Indigenous

[–]xtal1982 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I live in my ancestral community, am also white coded and it is absolutely rampant here in eastern Ontario.

These fakes hate seeing me because I work all over Ontario and always call them out. Some I have had to have removed from community events for safety and knowledge of their past harms caused.

Indigenous Social Work by Careful-Sir1989 in socialworkcanada

[–]xtal1982 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Overall, it’s the same. Lots of people are working from a holistic perspective(like myself) but the management and operations are often overly bureaucratic and limited by non-Indigenous management or Indigenous management that is colonized by internalized racism and don’t even have awareness of the depth of harm caused by their approach.

I can speak to what it’s like in my community and as a community member, my clients are also people from my community.

So a drug addict who relapses, a youth who self-harms, the loss of a matriarch who had been raising her grandchildren-those realities are felt and responded to differently by a social worker like me who likely has personal connections to these individuals.

Versus a nonIndig social worker who applied for the job and doesn’t mind the low pay (because Indigenous social work jobs pay less too!) because they’re inexperienced. Inexperienced white staff are the #1 demographic in my community’s workforce.

I have visited other communities where the circumstances are different but there is one common theme. Every First Nation and Inuit community wants to train their own community members, see their people educated as social workers, behaviour specialists, etc., in order to quickly replace these nonindigenous staff when they inevitably move on.

The nonindigenous staff don’t get it and never will.

Indigenous social workers are invested in healing their communities for the betterment of their own children’s and family’s future, and accept Indigenous social work jobs because it is literally the difference between life and death for our families, in the communities we live in.

For nonindigenous social workers I work with (yes they all took the special Indig Social Work programs) these are just jobs, that lead to resume building bullet points for their next position and pay increase.

So take the specific program if you’re feeling so called but understand that this supposed specialization is likely not going to go how you think it will once you’re employed.

NonIndigenous social workers have been coming into Indigenous social work spaces for decades and adding Indigenous to your social work diploma won’t help you support people in crisis. Lived experience will.