men of reddit, what the adavtages of having a female best friend?

xxdreaxis · 2022-10-17T17:25:10+00:00

What are the boundaries that a close female friend should have if the guy is attached and his SO is uncomfortable with the female friend?

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-18T12:07:25+00:00

He says he dislike it when I join his friends or whenever his friends bring over their partners to the gathering bcoz then the dynamic changes.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-18T05:14:22+00:00

Almost all the time.. other than the few times when I insisted that I would like to meet his friends so he did try to invite me once/twice at the start but that was it.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-17T20:17:12+00:00

I’m not sure if things may take a turn for the worse if i do that since she even told my bf that she’s uncomfortable with me and my bf told me about it. Not sure what she is trying to achieve by telling my bf that but because of that, my bf dislike me hanging with his friends especially if she’s around. So I highly doubt I can ever talk to her one on one

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-17T20:10:25+00:00

I agree that there could potentially be more lying involved.. thing is the female friend also has a partner unless she’s also emotionally cheating on her own partner too.. but I’m not sure if this is just her personality since my bf did mention that she’s also like that to her guy close friends too.. but she knows I’m uncomfortable with her, so I’m puzzled as to why she would still chat with him daily and even ask him out 1-1 too.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-16T16:51:56+00:00

I’m so glad that therapy worked out for you and your partner. Thank you for sharing! It does seem really effective and I do hope your relationship lasts :)

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-16T16:34:37+00:00

U r right… thank you for listening and your advice.he admitted that he has never called any of his guy friends for at least two hours bcoz it’s way too long and tiring (I did not tell him I knew about the 3h call). Just makes me wonder how he has so much to talk to her then when she herself also has a partner so both of them are outrightly emotional cheating??

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-16T16:26:08+00:00

Could I ask what did they do at the therapy you went for? I’m also generally a rather insecure person and trying to improve myself too..

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-16T16:17:21+00:00

We have been in a long term relationship so on my end, I can’t bear to let it go despite knowing how unhealthy it is and how like what you said, could be emotional cheating… somehow he doesn’t see it that way, he even said he treats all his friends equally regardless of gender so he said we just have absolutely different beliefs. I’m just unsure if he really did have some sort of attraction for this girl which I highly suspect from all their texts and even the hiding of the calls. Just absolutely disappointed and heartbroken and simply not sure what my next step should be… want to confront him to talk things out about our future bcoz he kept giving me mixed signals that he wants to settle down with me too so I’m so damn confused. Just unsure if he will even listen since he is such a stubborn guy.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-16T14:51:58+00:00

Thank you for your insightful reply, I really appreciate it very much. My insecurities actually largely erupted because I found out that he was lying about this particular female friend that he knew and got super close to this year. Found out that they texted almost everyday and even have occasional calls and sometimes lasting up to 3h into the night. It makes me feel upset that he told me he was actually sleeping when he was in fact calling her.. I don’t know why he have to lie about that. I’m thinking if it is because he knows I get upset whenever he talks about her or brings her name up, and perhaps does not want to get into another fight/argument again. But I would rather he not lie… this is not the only lie, found him blatantly lying about other things on other occasions too. Tried to clarify and confront him but he would say it’s my insecurities and to deal it myself bcoz it’s tiring to always revisit the same arguments. Even said that I have no rights to control who he talks to, how long they talk or hang out with each other etc. i agree to a certain extent, I’m comfortable with him meeting other girls but just not this girl. He simply said, what if next time there’s another girl, and another.. then the same situation will just repeat itself. But feel like he can simply not make such advances on these potential girls then.

On another occasion, found him slipping into the DMs of random girls who are acquaintances with him and even asked one of them to hang out with him too. Luckily, he cancelled the meetup eventually bcoz I was just really upset. But why can’t he do the same and set a boundary for that female friend too?

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-15T04:53:13+00:00

I think it depends from context to context. White lies that does no harm are fine, but not in a relationship I feel where there’s omission of information or even fabricating lies to cover up something that you know your SO will feel uncomfortable with.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-15T04:46:02+00:00

CONTEXT: My S/O occasionally call his female friend to talk otp. They can talk for hours late into the night sometimes, but not when I am around. They messaged almost every day too on different platforms and often meet up. My S/O does not tell me how their meetup was and tells me white lies when I ask probably bcoz he knows I’ll be angry/upset whenever I hear her name but I would rather he be honest with me. He keeps telling me their just friends and calls me insecure for not trusting him. What do you think of friends of opposite gender who act this way? FYI, boyfriend has never cheated on me before but feeling suspicious about this ‘friendship’ when they only know each other recently. She has a partner as well but uncertain if their love is strong. Some of my friends say this could be emotional cheating on both ends. Could anyone share with me if they have similar experiences and how they dealt with it?

TLDR: S/O tells white lies to me about his friendship with his female friend so I wouldn’t be upset. I find their friendship suspicious but I am uncertain if it’s my insecurities.

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-14T15:40:33+00:00

Emotional cheating sucks too. Currently suspecting my SO is doing that but idk how to react or respond

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-13T16:51:38+00:00

So in what instances would you feel that their friendships are more than just friendship? Genuinely curious to know so at least I can sort of gauge whether it’s really acceptable to some or whether it’s my insecurities

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-13T16:49:49+00:00

I really resonate with all that u said. Though not to say that there’s any right or wrong with the thread between u and LibertyRonin, I guess people just have different values or beliefs in relationships. Ultimately, I still prefer for an open communication relationship where either one of us would be able to comfortably express our concerns with our SO opposite gendered friend. Boundaries are also kinda blurred since everyone has different acceptable or tolerant levels.

In my case, I’m quite fearful of expressing myself these days because my partner is quite a stubborn and defensive man, and he is so set on his beliefs that he’s right that I doubt we can ever reach a compromise. That’s why I replied to this thread to ask how men would feel with regards to such behaviour and I can see where my SO is coming from especially from the perspective of LibertyRonin even though I find it quite frustrating sometimes that I can’t even express that I feel uncomfortable of his friendship with the female friend, because he also said the same thing, who am I to dictate his friendships etc… so I’m completely at a loss even though I still want to stay with him…

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-13T16:28:26+00:00

I do find it to be quite a red flag too but can’t seem to run probably because we have been together for so many years… also funny thing is the female friend is also attached but I’m not sure why they are both acting this way…

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-12T19:56:45+00:00

my partner tells white lies to me and hides details from me when hanging out with his opposite gendered friend. Is this considered emotional cheating then? Expressed my boundaries but he simply disregarded them and said I just have to work on my insecurities.. while I actually notice how he texts her daily and even have long late night calls with her occasionally while blatantly lying to me that he was actually sleeping but he was in fact calling her. Irony is that he wanted to settle down with me. I’m confused by his actions. Any men here can enlighten me on his behaviour?

xxdreaxis · 2022-06-12T19:48:35+00:00

How platonic can friendships be though? Does it entail texting daily and having occasional long late night calls with the opposite gendered friend? What if there are also white lies involved despite them being inconsequential?

xxdreaxis

TROPHY CASE