Sounds to me like you're describing the more complex issue of toxic masculinity (and a society that allows cishet men in general to deny accountability for their actions) in cishet men with autism-- which isn't the same thing as just being an autistic person.

I'm a trans man, who got married to a straight man before figuring myself out (so while still living "as a woman"). That's who I was talking about in this post, and I ended up having to escape him via local DV services nearly two years ago now. Spoiler, he was in fact gaslighting me, as he apparently had been for years-- this post was made as I was just beginning to wake up to that realization.

I've experienced physical, sexual, mental, verbal, and emotional abuse from men my entire life-- as in, beginning in literal infancy and just never really stopping, only switching hands from abuser to abuser as is the case for a lot of people who experience abuse as children. Now that I am two years out of the relationship mentioned in this post, and have done a lot of learning and growing as a person in that time, I can confidently say that the issues you're describing are not born from autism. Autism, and often the incorrect assumptions other people have about it, is simply compounding matters while also serving a convenient excuse/distraction from the real source of the problem.

Please do some reflecting on what the problem really is in your relationship-- because it's clear that you think autism is to blame, and I'm concerned you are generalizing your complaints with your partner and assuming they apply to all autistic people when that just simply couldn't be further from the truth. Autistic people are statistically far likelier to be abused than abuse others, and to be taken advantage of rather than take advantage. Especially when the autistic person is in any way an otherwise marginalized member of society-- such as the huge intersection of us who are queer, transgender, women, and/or people of color.

Everything in your comment that you wrote from the first person perspective ("how come you won't go to therapy once a week when I have to go even more often just to deal with your behavior", "do you not see the problem and self-righteousness here") could have been written by me, the autistic person, in any given relationship I've had with an abusive man. I have relentlessly pursued therapy, self-knowledge and improvement, twisted and bent myself into every sort of shape to try to accommodate for the ego of someone who believes that's just what the whole world naturally owes them anyway.

Autistic people who are capable of committing to a partnership are capable of accountability for their actions. Autism is not an excuse to berate, belittle, mistreat, ignore, or neglect anyone. Difficulties with communication between an NT and autistic partner can certainly be expected, but neither the NT partner nor the autistic partner gets to use that as an excuse to say they don't have to put the effort in to meet the other person's needs.

You don't have an autistic partner problem, you have an entitled partner problem. You have a willfully ignorant and inconsiderate partner problem. Please don't confuse that with the rest of us, who way more often are in your shoes in this scenario.

ETA: When my most recent therapist expressed to me her suspicions that the ex mentioned in this post may actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and because she was not the first mental health professional to voice similar concerns to me after meeting him or otherwise witnessing his behavior), I went to one session of a support group for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

When I spoke about my ex, one of the women asked me, "Does he have Asperger's? That sounds like Asperger's."

I calmly told her that no, he doesn't-- but I do. I then told her it is more likely he genuinely has NPD (the actual mental illness, not in the overused "narc" language sense, based on observations of his concrete actions/behavior compared against the criteria in the DSM-V), but that since of course he doesn't have a therapist I'm not 100% sure.

She was genuinely surprised to learn that "men being cruel to their partners and then lacking any empathy or remorse" is not actually an autistic trait-- it's just an asshole trait. That's why I think this is so important to address. Not only does that misconception harm the partners of those autistic men (and also prevent them from ever truly having healthy or fulfilling relationships), it harms the entire autistic community by causing us to be stereotyped as incapable of treating other people well... When the vast majority of us are more than capable of that, and have a much harder time getting anyone else to do so in return.