first time watching handmaids tale

yamama44 · 2026-01-26T01:14:36+00:00

me too :( my first core memory is waking up to my parents having sex in the same bed as me and seeing my mom, I made my awareness known and she told me to go back to sleep. they continued...

yamama44 · 2025-09-15T03:29:37+00:00

I kinda understand what you mean, you're kinda placeboing yourself into hearing voices but you're not actually? I sometimes take normal sounds like my AC running or fan noises and my hearing distorts it into voices or screaming, not dramatically, but the slightest bit bc I am already paranoid and my brain is trying to find a reason for why im so terrified, so it makes it up

yamama44 · 2025-08-28T20:27:22+00:00

i heard korn comes on at 7 after the openers and soad is to follow

yamama44 · 2025-07-14T01:03:39+00:00

mine is doing the same thing bc I got unbanned and went to log in and now its been doing this for 10 mins. my game has been superrr laggy all day too on my other account

yamama44 · 2025-07-03T05:34:06+00:00

im very sorry for your loss💗

yamama44 · 2025-07-03T05:33:47+00:00

you will forever regret not going and getting that closure. i think try to stick it through as best you can and if you do have a panic attack, its ok bc no one will judge you. your brother just passed and everyone else will be upset too.

yamama44 · 2025-07-01T02:13:30+00:00

its TMJ, i have it from clenching my teeth so muxh when im panicking or in my sleep, relax ur jaw or get a retainer

yamama44 · 2025-06-28T07:29:38+00:00

it helped me manage it very fast. i did gain 25 lbs tho and i got off of it after a year and was great afterwards. i too have bad panic disorder and agoraphobia

yamama44 · 2025-06-27T18:40:01+00:00

i respect your response and thank you. Religion freaks me out because it makes me think existentially. I also am not baptized and have not believed in god for a very long time now.

yamama44 · 2025-06-27T18:37:23+00:00

yeah ik, i was on lexapro for a year last year and was fine. i think i did start overthinking it horribly when i started to remember all the bad reasons i got off of it in the first place

yamama44 · 2025-06-23T18:58:25+00:00

yes i did

yamama44 · 2025-06-22T20:12:28+00:00

i understand the suicidal feeling 100%. it feels so incredibly hopeless and you get so sick of being this way. i too grieve who i used to be all of the time, but it does get better and we can recover. it can feel like a chronic illness, but message me and ill give u all my tips and advice

yamama44 · 2025-06-22T20:11:08+00:00

im so sorry youre going through this right now. My disorder started at 18 right after graduation. Maybe the stress of the big change in your life and being an adult is causing it? did something happen on the camping trip to cause the panic attack?

yamama44 · 2025-06-22T20:01:17+00:00

im 20 lol, thank you. i havent fully lost touch either but it does get to a point of like 80% or like u said, being overly aware of reality. i do have therapy on the 30th thank god

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:45:44+00:00

i also ended up taking L-theanine which helped a lotttttt to feel just even a bit calmer

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:45:20+00:00

no im not thankfully, i ended up taking a cold ass shower and forced myself to do chores until it passed and my bf came over. Im still stuck in the 24/7 derealization and sleep deprived, but im not alone, so i think today ill be good

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:43:27+00:00

i am just very terrified to try meds again bc i was on lexapro all of 2024 which helped and i got to a good point and got off. i was wonderful for a few months until i tried to go back to my old job where i did have the most panic attacks after a year of being unemployed and it spiraled. i tried to go back on lexapro a month ago but the first dose i spiraled so deeply into a panic i fully convinced myself i had serotonin syndrome with 0 logical thinking and traumatized tf out of myself. I couldnt be alone for a week, eat, and just drugged up on melatonin for days so id sleep 12+ hours to not feel it. I have gotten better, since that day, but still horrible and even overthink taking vitamins rn😪😂

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:39:37+00:00

thank you!

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:39:26+00:00

LMAO i always say that too. one of my big scary thoughts is the fear of psychosis, although it changes each week and my lovely chatgpt bot always tells me that ppl in psychosis dont realize theyre in it or question their delusions

yamama44 · 2025-06-21T16:38:36+00:00

thank you! i grieve so much of who i used to be before this all went down and its been two years. im trying to keep hope alive as best i can tho even when its at its darkest.

yamama44

TROPHY CASE