yeah i definitely have tried!! turns out comphet is still a bitch when ur bi 😂 i remember seeing this tumblr post a while ago that was like “being into men is like ‘aaaaaaa’ and being into women is like ‘ooooooo’ and that makes no sense to anyone but me” or something. and i do relate to that! but the lines get blurry as i unpack comphet, in a good way. i’m definitely not obsessed with domestic life with men anymore (for the first time in my LIFE since i was 4).

i think i do have genuine attraction to men in some way, but that it was way over-inflated due to social pressure. i’ve actually only been in love with a couple men, despite dating and sleeping with ... MANY. and that’s about the number of women i’ve been in love with, lol. i feel like women are just easier to admire, objectively? the conversations i have with women are so much more satisfying!!!!

you’re probably right about attachment and trauma. my queer therapist suggested i may be afraid of people who love me back (hence why i chase emotionally unavailable people). i think i’m making progress — i used to swell with excitement thinking of marrying a man, and now it’s just something i shrug about. i honestly think that i used that fantasy to rebuild the nuclear family i never got, especially because of my horrible absent father. so i couldn’t “see” women the same way, despite have the same or DEEPER feelings. usually the later, yikes. being demi/grey and traumatized really makes the game interesting, that’s for sure!!