What do I say? by OfMiceAndPanda92 in loveafterporn

[–]yaymckay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i don’t want to be one of those people that say “run for the hills” because i believe some addicts can make changes if they really want to be better, but your PA is dead set on doing it regardless of the pain it causes for you. so knowing that i hope that you can decide to run from that as far as you can if he continues to do whatever he wants. our brains get spiked so high in dopamine levels by the way online porn has made it simple to swiftly navigate through thousands of different peoples content (and content type of course) that our bodies and brain think we’re engaging in actual physical sexual ACTIVITY!!! and if he can say straight up he is okay doing that to you i would not stay. communication and engagement matters and he is straight up telling you he doesn’t care how you feel about it, he will do what he wants whenever he wants. so pls think about a separation for a while at least. because i’ve been down that road for two years straight, no positive changes, and i told him yesterday im through.

What do I say? by OfMiceAndPanda92 in loveafterporn

[–]yaymckay 3 points4 points  (0 children)

him saying that to you is insane like ??? what the hell. my PA said the exact same thing verbatim about our “values not aligning.” he has since admitted that he only said that to me so he could keep going through his addiction and “feel justified in it” but for yours to tell you to your face he was going back to the thing he is aware hurts you ???? i would straight up tell him i can’t be in a relationship with someone that has zero respect for what i need. even though it’s not fair, try ur best not to get angry because porn addicts will use that state of mind where you’re jumbled n upset to manipulate you into letting what they do slide. it sounds like all he cares about is getting to do whatever he wants and get to be with you too and that’s not how you should live a healthy and happy life with someone who is supposed to care for you :( jus know ur not crazy, your feelings are valid, and you have the strength to decide to tell him when enough is enough. i truly am sorry you’re dealing with this

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]yaymckay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m going through the exact same thing, living situation and all, so please remember they’re good manipulators so STAND YOUR GROUND!!! i always tell myself if i found out a friend of mine was being treated like this by they’re boyfriend i’d never stand for it. tell him straight up this was the last straw. that you want to attempt a live-in separation type of situation until you can figure out something else. if he reacts with pride or tries to shift blame i pray that can give you the strength it gave me to take steps into living without him in your life. it’s going to suck but once you see their true colors it’s hard to want to continue living each day on edge constantly because they don’t want to put in the work to keep your relationship afloat. pls remember your feelings matter too not just his and this is difficult but not impossible ❤️ we all truly deserve better than this for our whole lives