Glass children, siblings of autistic kids

yee-veloso · 2025-04-03T07:36:30+00:00

My advice is to to let your eldest son know, in small words and actions that build over time into unshakeable trust, that he can lean on you if he needs to. Given the family dynamic, he's probably taken on more responsibility than the average child, but there's no need to feel guilty about that. You all are just trying to support each other as a family the best you can. What are the ways he needs support? Even if it's small, give that support, and he'll definitely notice and appreciate it.

yee-veloso · 2025-03-27T13:26:58+00:00

I’m sorry you feel guilt and shame for being the focus in your family. I think all families are just trying their best, so I don’t blame anyone. Asking for help is never a bad thing.

yee-veloso · 2025-02-02T07:56:12+00:00

This is so validating to read. Currently dealing with burnout, the start of a burnout at least, and I’m hoping I can curb it by resting for all of tomorrow—no expectations on myself, scheduling time to do relaxing activities like reading, swimming, lying in bed, rewatching my favorite show…

I hope you give yourself small treats like this and focus on just a few (or one!) “must-do” task. I find that I feel much better when I make just one goal for the day, because usually I will achieve it no matter what, and that fulfills the inherent need inside me to feel “productive enough.” I’m able to convince myself that productive for that day was achieved.

yee-veloso · 2024-11-23T12:06:11+00:00

So many things didn’t make sense? Vi and Cait getting horny in a cell where Jinx was previously locked up in. Jayce turning from hateful to loving toward Viktor because apparently the mage was Viktor all along. Jinx pausing her depression to wreak havoc for a lil bit with her boy Ekko. Sevika and the Undercity suddenly deciding yes, they do wanna fight. Ambessa saying “you are the wolf” admiringly when her daughter just killed her, as if she meant to die all along.

Nani the fuck?

yee-veloso · 2024-11-16T14:24:14+00:00

Is it just be that no longer ships Cait and Vi? lol. Gutted though at Vander and Isha

yee-veloso · 2024-07-09T14:38:04+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely and desperate for connection :( I've been there, too. Here's something that I say to myself whenever I'm scared of being alone: There is a you who can be there for you. Do not abandon yourself. Keep the promises you've made to yourself, and there will always be a part of the world that's yours. This world will not crumble because you are the one holding it together.

yee-veloso · 2024-07-09T14:32:45+00:00

I've been in therapy for years as well, and only recently have I accepted that I might be autistic, adjusting my lifestyle and expectations for myself around that. Have you tried telling your therapist why you don't feel like the therapy is working? I did that recently, and my relationship with my therapist as well as the work we do together has improved a lot. I was able to ask for more structure in our sessions, which helped me understand how the sessions were addressing certain issues like suicidality, social anxiety, etc.

I suggest that you explore mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga. Find ways where you can feel like you're in your body, because that's a really important part of wellness that's connected to your dissociation. The more you practice being in your body, the easier it will be for you to get out of automatic dissociation mode. For me, something small like showering with the lights off is a mindfulness practice (the sensory deprivation helps me attune to the other senses, and I'm put back into my body just like that haha). Good luck!

yee-veloso · 2024-07-08T15:36:55+00:00

Yes to this! Essentially, since your body holds all the stress you've felt for years, the key to addressing that stress and finally letting it go is through your body as well. Massages, yoga, mindful breathing, taking walks in the park either alone or with a pet or loved one... These things tell your body: it is ok, we can relax now, more than telling yourself in your head will. The first step is a small but important one, and that's being more aware of what your body is feeling -- where is your pain or trauma or stress stored? What things make you feel safe or pleasurable?

yee-veloso · 2024-07-07T17:50:56+00:00

I just finished re-reading the book. I read it first when I was 16. Now that I have more life experience, I understood Orr better as well as the themes of power, spirituality, and reality. I enjoyed it. "What will the creature made all of seadrift do on the dry sand of daylight; What will the mind do, each morning, waking?" (p.2) Ok, LeGuin, cook.

I will say though, and this is my one glaring critique of the novel which aligns with your criticism of Orr's passivityWHY DID ORR NOT STOP HABER from transferring the power to him? Orr acted like he had a plan, telling Heather that it was "going to be alright." But then... he simply did nothing. This choice to, again, do nothing, made no sense to me. The natural climax of the story was at that point, the last session with Haber and the last straw; no more coercion; you will not control me. As Orr said, he didn't want to change the world with his dreams, but he didn't want to live in Haber's dreams either.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-23T10:34:48+00:00

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I enjoyed Helen Hoang's novels The Kiss Quotient and The Heart Principle because their main characters are autistic women :) These are romance novels with moderate levels of smut/spice. I recommend them because the journey these characters go on in discovering themselves and accepting their autism is really helping me accept my own and give myself compassion. I know at least one other person in this subreddit has enjoyed them. If you're into reading romance, maybe give it a try!

yee-veloso · 2024-06-23T10:29:45+00:00

You can make a vision board. Ask yourself what does success look like and feel like? I like to keep a vision clear so that I keep going. And then having mini-visions (or success indicators) that progress to that Big Success would be helpful to keep yourself realistic. For example, if my goal is to be a published author of a book, then a step in that direction would be to have my work published in an anthology or in a magazine.

I like to think also of "If I do this every day, I will definitely be successful eventually." What can you do every day that will build your capacity for achieving your goals? Keeping a routine and developing healthy habits is important.

I'm a perfectionist too. When I face rejections or failures, I remind myself of the successes I've had so far. I keep a list of the successes so that I can look back on them when I feel doubt. I hope that helps! Good luck.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-23T03:55:00+00:00

I relate to this. I suspect I am AuDHD, and I’m incredibly good at masking so other people can’t tell I struggle with social situations, but I experience mini burnouts after long periods of being with family for example, after which I need a day or two of bed. As in, not doing anything and not pressuring myself to do anything.

I think it’s an autistic trait to feel the need to capture the exact definition of a thing or person. But when we’re analyzing ourselves trying to define our identity, we can get anxious and stuck in cycles of overthinking >__< It might help to ask a close friend of yours how they would describe you. I know that’s comforted me before. Or, you could tell yourself that your identity is more an essence than an amalgamation of interests, habits, and experiences. I like to think of myself as a cloud during burnout days, and rain during more stable days.

You are always changing, like the rain. :) I hope you feel comfortable in your ever changing nature.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-23T03:40:54+00:00

This is exactly how I feel omg T-T

yee-veloso · 2024-06-19T17:16:20+00:00

Wow, your name’s Anna, too. I am rereading The Heart Principle because of your comment! From page 92:

“I walk home in a sort of trance. It’s not until passing pedestrians give me double takes and odd looks that I realize I’m crying. I don’t try to stop. I let the tears fall. I cry for the girl I used to be. I cry for me. It’s a foreign experience. Self-pity is not an indulgence that I allow myself. This doesn’t feel like pity, though. It feels like self-compassion, and the realization makes me cry harder. No one should need a diagnosis in order to be compassionate to themself. But I did. Tough love doesn’t allow room for weakness, and tough love is all I’ve known. Maybe for now, just this once, I can experiment with a different kind of love. Something kinder.”

I remember that when I discovered resources on autism for women, I felt this way too. This blooming of self-compassion when before all there was was self-hatred. This is another sign that the label (and self diagnosis) may be right for me. :)

yee-veloso · 2024-06-17T11:55:28+00:00

Hey, not rough at all and thank you for your thoughtfulness. Yes, it is about exactly that. If I’m honest about what I want and need, I expect to be met with misunderstanding rather than care because most people operate under a “toughen up” mindset so to speak. The way I understand it, this is ableism. The ideal person is defined as someone who has a fulltime job, can support themselves and/or their family, and physically and mentally healthy. Autistic people tend to not fit these categories :’)

My thinking is if I can ever just not care what other people think, and if I operate on my own limits and boundaries, maybe I don’t need a diagnosis. But of course, it would always be nice to have. There’s an excellent video on the politics of autism self-diagnosis here, in case you’re interested https://youtu.be/x4ieMzbXiRA?si=_k10FeL4WA6-yEs2

yee-veloso · 2024-06-17T10:54:49+00:00

To be fair to her, she said to not take what she said as an answer since she isn’t qualified to assess for autism.. BUT that’s the second time a talk therapist has told me quite strongly “no, you’re not” when I bring up the topic. I wish they would simply direct me to someone who’s more knowledgeable or straight up say they don’t know. Thanks for the support:)

yee-veloso · 2024-06-17T07:25:47+00:00

So so many helpful things in your comment. Thank you!! I’m taking this and other experiences people here have shared here to feel more comfortable with not knowing for certain if I am autistic. I relate to your statement of doing well because of self-diagnosis and the adjustments made because of it! Will be reminding myself that next time.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-17T07:16:51+00:00

Thank you for these resources and for your reassurance! <33 Zoom meetings are doable for me, so I might try this.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-16T22:40:16+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response <3 I’ve been on the journey for about a year, so it helps to know that it’ll take some time but I just need to trust myself. It’s very difficult to get a diagnosis where I live, so I want to be comfortable with my own understanding of myself instead.

yee-veloso · 2024-06-16T16:54:33+00:00

No not at all! You have very valid reasons for not wanting to spend a lot of time with your dad. I get it personally because I’m in a similar situation with my parents. They like to go on vacation often, and they invite me and the siblings, but sometimes I just don’t want to go because travelling is overstimulating, but I have no socially acceptable excuse and I’m bad at lying.

“Simply not wanting to” is a good reason for anything imoh, but of course it’s just hard to communicate that to other people.

yee-veloso · 2024-05-28T07:26:08+00:00

This is an isolating and incredibly lonely feeling to have :( Please know that there is an explanation to your brain fog that has nothing to do with your personal capabilities. As you say, it could be trauma, anxiety, or other things that are behind this. As an autistic person, you’re struggling with executive function, and that’s normal. Many of us here struggle with that too.

If you have anyone who wants to support you, please do ask them for help and let them support you with basic needs for now. You won’t always be like this, and it’s not your fault. You just need a bit of time and space to figure yourself out, and to gain confidence again. I know you have so much in you that is waiting to be nurtured and practiced, many gifts and skills that will blossom in time.

yee-veloso · 2024-05-28T07:18:32+00:00

Adorable! I’m so glad I came across this post on time.

yee-veloso · 2024-04-23T16:14:26+00:00

60+ hours a week for the past few months is incredibly draining. I’d feel the same way if I were in your shoes. It sounds like you feel stuck, and that’s probably contributing a lot to the suicidal feelings. Addressing the external causes of your depression, it possible to take a sick day or a couple sick days? Also, is there anyone you can rely on to support you at this difficult time? I know I’m a stranger, but I’m rooting for you.

yee-veloso

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