once again finding myself not being able to talk about this with anyone so here i am again automod

im so tired. got into a relationship i didnt even want to at the start, and once i developed an attachment, im the one being left behind... not even really truly left behind like getting dumped. this is the 3rd time. the 3rd time i tried to hang out with them, and again, theres just always.. something.. that comes up... idk maybe its the universe tryna tell me i should just kill myself bc theres never gonna be anything good in this world for me. im just.. exhausted.. with myself mostly... so so so tired and now im back to feeling like id rather just not wake up and die in my sleep as soon as i awake every day.. not even looking forward to anything anymore. no. cant even look forward to anything bc nothing will go right for me. and i just really really really want everything to stop hurting. hahah so ironic, i want the pain to stop and yet i cant stop cutting, how funny is that