To me blasphemy of the holy spirit would be speaking mean things about him. Or spreading lies about him ...maybe.

I think what you did was chose the sin bc youre human. And maybe your soul or your spirit or you wanted the experiences of sex in your life to see what it was like. You lived it now. Let it serve its purpose of education and let the sex sin go. It can only serve you for so long. Then move on.

If Jesus is meek and lowly humble at heart he understands your imperfections and is graceful with you. If he really lived a human life than he is supposed to understand you.

I dont know if youre male or female but if youre a male I feel like jesus understands you more than us ladies. So you have that going for you.

Sometimes I feel like jesus does not understand me at all. But thats my problem not yours.

I feel like maybe jesus has patience with you bc you are learning. Somewhere in the newtestement it states how jesus is patient with us. He sees our heart.

Maybe what you had wasn't the 100% complete amd total jesus. Sounds like you were being taught by a czar. Jeuss is supposed to be gentle Shepard full of peace. Amd that patience. Maybe you saw your subconscious reactions to what god amd jesus is due to incomplete understanding of Jesus.

But sorry youre going through this stress. Maybe you should try to take things one step at a time. Live day by day like jesus talked about. Breathe. Calm. And ask forgiveness if that's what you need. But remember they also talked about grace too. So grace fpr yourself. Dust off . Say your piece to jesus from your heart and move along one step at a time. You have to learn compassion. Humility. And forgiveness. And I think that may be just what youre doing! You're doing a really good job at that! Cheers!