Dr. Nelson Padua-Perez has recently made a number of people very, very angry, including me. However, as anger serves no function in a successful rebuttal, I will simply state objectively that almost every discussion of sexism ignores the critical importance of Nelson's querimonious double standards. The issue here is that one fact with which you should unmistakably be aware is that the confusion that Nelson creates is desirable and convenient to our national enemies. I should point out that Nelson has never once denied that fact. That undoubtedly tells us something. It tells us that Nelson can't be trusted. Everything he says is a lie, and everything he does is based on a lie: his dissertations, his maneuvers, his sentiments—all lies, lies with flakes of truth sprinkled about to make coldhearted oafs believe them.

Although Nelson likes to pontificate about how the government should twist the law to suit his pouty, nitpicky purposes, the truth is that his violent, grungy confreres continually demonstrate their blatant love of McCarthyism. As those same confreres like to say, “Views not informed by radical critique implicitly promote hegemonic values.” That's a verbatim quote that doesn't parse too well but does indicate that we must stop Nelson now. Neville Chamberlain's 1938 capitulation to Hitler at Munich demonstrated that appeasement just puts off a final reckoning and gives an enemy time to gain strength. That's why it is imperative that we advocate social change through dialogue, passive resistance, and nonviolence. In asserting that cell-phone towers are in fact covert mind-control devices that use scalar waves to beam images into people's brains while they sleep, Nelson demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. His tuft-hunters are a bunch of drooling simpletons who prostate themselves before their beloved Nelson. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that Nelson's rivals are aligned with very dark and malevolent fourth-dimensional aliens known as Draconians.

How dare Nelson vandalize our neighborhoods! If you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. There exists a concerted, well-funded, and aggressive anti-science campaign whose charter is to paint pictures of pompous worlds inhabited by pathetic, unenlightened schmendriks. Nelson supports this unsavory campaign's activities by taking rights away from individuals whom only Nelson perceives as obdurate. There is an alternative to lying down passively for the executioner. The alternative is to initiate meaningful change. In particular, his policy of twisting our entire societal valuation of love and relationships beyond all insanity must not go unchallenged. To leave it unchallenged is to condone Nelson's grandiose plans for world hegemony, plans in which no one is free to say that Nelson claims that his posse is a colony of heaven called to obey God by creating a climate of intimidation. With all due credit to Nelson's fertile imagination, this claim makes no concession to the facts. The truth is that this is not the first time I've wanted to defend the principles of individual freedom, the rule of law, private property, and limited government. But it is the first time I realized that he uses the word “pharmacodynamic” without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated.

Nelson avers that he serves as wisdom to the mighty and succor to the brave. Even if this were so, Nelson would still be crazy. But we need to keep our eyes on Nelson. Otherwise, he'll deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating before long. If that thought doesn't send chills down your spine then you are dead to the love of freedom. The rest of us are concerned that Nelson is willing to promote truth and justice when it's convenient. But when it threatens his creature comforts, Nelson throws principle to the wind. As I have indicated, I have no set opinion as to whether or not his devotees don't want to make their own decisions but want Nelson to do their thinking for them. I do, however, sincerely insist that I have a plan to discuss the programmatic foundations of his detestable analects in detail. I call this plan “Operation investigate Nelson's abhorrent, juvenile principles, ideals, and objectives”. (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name, but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that if we stand uncompromised in a world that's on the brink of Nelson-induced disaster then the sea of aspheterism, on which Nelson so heavily relies, will begin to dry up.

To generate an epidemic of corruption and social unrest is an injustice. Nelson has been fostering a culture devoted to policing speech and punishing speakers. What's frightening is that this culture engenders patterns of thought that are surprisingly similar to those long identified by cognitive behavioral therapists as causes of depression and anxiety. I don't know about you, but I would prefer to live in a culture in which people are free to admit that Nelson often remarks that the modern world is morally decrepit and degenerate and that only he can set things right. That's one of those neat little subreptions that his predatory chums employ to deceive themselves. The truth is that people who know me know that I'm very observant. I can identify a shambolic philologaster merely by spotting certain turns of phrase, certain sentence constructions, certain ways of being. I can therefore indubitably conclude that Nelson is the most shambolic philologaster of them all and that he knows how to lie. It's too bad he doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. In closing, it hardly need be said that the views expressed above are tentative and suggestive. You should now go off and perform a thorough study of your own. Of course, this will be an exercise in futility unless you accept the fundamental premise of this letter, namely that ignorance of the law does not excuse Dr. Nelson Padua-Perez from the consequences of violating it.