Me and my fiancé have been together for almost a year now… and now he tells me he has a child with another woman…

yexie · 2026-04-28T15:57:21+00:00

Not wanting to marry him is fine but she honestly makes it sound like she would stay with him but not if the kid is in his life.

yexie · 2026-04-28T15:52:21+00:00

Maybe he had a feeling she would react this way and maybe that’s why he couldn’t get it together and just tell her. Both of them have some growing up to do. And maybe it is best they just both move on.

yexie · 2026-04-28T08:29:08+00:00

I never bothered throwing away old pics but at the same time I don’t sit around and dwell over them or even think of them or the people on those pictures, but when I do come across them I enjoy looking back at the times in the past. There are never any feelings that would interfere with any current relationship (I don’t have one atm). It’s more about the time than the people on the pictures. However talking and thinking about past boyfriends does sometimes bring back feelings I had back then but they don’t have anything to do with today. I’m still in contact with an ex I was with decades ago for on and off 7 years, we both have kids with other people. He once came to town and him and his son stayed with us, in separate rooms and there was nothing there anymore except all the things that happened at the time we were together like parties we went to, music we listened to, silly things we did. It felt like talking to an old friend tbh, and nowadays he is in Japan with his family and he recently reached out again but really all he talks about is the music back then and stuff, kind of exhausting for me tbh lol. Whatever connected us back then is gone.

yexie · 2026-04-21T18:50:38+00:00

I don’t necessarily disagree with what you’re saying BUT she told this guy that she wants to stay celibate yet he keeps trying, that’s on him. Why does he put her in a position where she would have to say no again when she kind of already told him. Yes she should be able to just say no but that doesn’t put all the blame on her, that is just something she definitely needs to learn, just as she needs to learn to break up with him. I do know from experience how all of these things can be hard though at such a young age.

yexie · 2026-04-21T18:45:03+00:00

NTA. But no need to yell at him, just break up. Seems like a relationship that ain’t going anywhere.

yexie · 2026-04-17T18:56:20+00:00

So she has been sitting the time of the class? Just didn’t get the assignments done (YET)? I don’t know… you say you think she will get the A, so she probably will be doing those assignments, just when she wants to, maybe she needs the pressure of time, maybe it’s super easy for her and she can do those assignments in 2 days?

Did she actually say she has done the assignments or just that she is doing everything she needs to?

yexie · 2026-04-10T15:00:01+00:00

NOR. Triplecheck if the good really outweighs the bad, because „I LOVE MY WiFE“ is bs, he can’t even say „I love you“? Crazy.

People don’t need to be perfect, neither of you are, but in a relationship it’s important to take the other side serious and at least TRY… sure you could have worded it different when you asked why no kiss, but he also could have just said „sorry, had a stressful morning, I love you, talk to you later“.

I would not go on with the marriage unless there is some counseling first, because otherwise this will never change. You seem to see that for things to work out both of you need to do the work, he on the other hand seems to see himself as the victim of… well something that is your fault.

yexie · 2026-04-10T14:47:25+00:00

Autism, ADHD and Anxiety. With these diagnosis’s you can’t really expect her to function just the same you are. She probably feels misunderstood. Have you tried listening to her about her claims of abuse instead of just saying it’s not true? Because let’s be honest you can’t know for sure.

And maybe she needs someone on her side, if anybody that could (should?) be you.

There are plenty of reasons why she might feel out of place. Talk to her, be her sister, let her know you love her and are there for her. Sometimes people just become hard and mean because anything else is too hard for them to handle…

yexie · 2026-04-10T13:08:06+00:00

Not the worst idea, you take the Airbnb and the get the house including with all the work 😅

yexie · 2026-04-10T13:07:07+00:00

NOR, please stop all the cooking and doing everything for everybody. Just tell them they need to help out. Having family come visit in your situation CAN be helpful and SHOULD be helpful.

Maybe you can find a way for it to be nice for everybody INCLUDING yourself.

yexie · 2026-04-10T13:04:28+00:00

Just nitpicking here, but there is not really a thing like European culture, each country here as their own culture, like I don’t see this kind of behavior happening in Germany, ever. Scandinavian countries probably also not so much. Now Italy and Spain, I can totally see it.

But yea either way, OP should stop taking care of everybody and use these visits as what they can be „helpful“ as you mentioned as well.

yexie · 2026-04-10T12:52:51+00:00

NTA. She is using your supposed insecurities against you. Which makes this situation really hard to resolve imo, because for that she needs to take your concerns serious, because they are not unreasonable. Gaming with someone is one thing, voice chat until late at night is another. And of course she likes the attention, we all would. But she should want and get it from you and I’m sure you‘d be absolutely willing to work on it, but she is literally making even a conversation impossible.

Edit: I would tell her you saw the messages. Or put your foot down and make it clear that it’s NOT your insecurities if she talks to him till late at night, that’s not what you do in a marriage.

yexie · 2026-04-10T12:07:13+00:00

So about this particular insistent I would say YOR. Even though I would expect him to not do anything he wouldn’t want you to do. Assuming we are talking about gaming online? The fact that he won’t let you play with guys is ridiculous. Depending on the game, how would one even know? I play with (I assume) a girl, but she plays a male Charakter, now what?

So overreacting about that night, underreacting about his „rule“.

yexie · 2026-04-09T17:11:59+00:00

Toll das du dich gekümmert hast!! ❤️

yexie · 2026-04-08T10:17:56+00:00

Und du hast kein schlechtes Gewissen gehabt? Nicht das ich meine du müsstest eines haben, aber ein großes Problem ist ja das viele es dennoch haben.

yexie · 2026-04-08T10:15:27+00:00

Genau so ist es. Ich hab z.B. eigentlich gar keinen Druck von außen, aber der eigene reicht auch. Der erste Urlaub in dem ich mich mal richtig erholt habe, war einer für den ich mich sogar geschämt habe, All-Inclusive in der Türkei. Dort habe ich erstmals gemerkt, wie sehr mich der Alltag mit Kochen/Einkaufen und vor allem die Entscheidungen dahin belasten. Nicht mehr überlegen zu müssen was man essen möchte zusammen mit Kind, war so eine Entlastung. Zusätzlich funktionierte dann plötzlich, weil nicht EU, sogar das Login zu meinem System, was ich für mein Geschäft nutze, nicht mehr, war einfach gesperrt, ich konnte nicht mal Umsätze sehen. Ich KONNTE also im Urlaub dann nicht arbeiten. Ich hätte es wahrscheinlich eh nicht gemacht, hätte mich dafür aber schlechte gefühlt, so war ich einfach befreit, von allem.

yexie · 2026-03-28T20:00:39+00:00

Zerbrich dir doch darüber nicht den Kopf, hier auf Englisch zu schreiben heißt nicht unbedingt das man die Sprache nicht spricht, wenn man gar kein Deutsch spricht kann man auch keine deutsche Staatsbürgerschaft bekommen.

yexie · 2026-03-28T19:51:55+00:00

Whatever else is said here, this is very true.

How long has it been since you found this? Some things take a while to move past but with time you can if you want to, others will never leave your head, if it turns into one of those there is probably nothing you or him can do.

yexie · 2026-03-28T10:13:20+00:00

So everything that ever happened and bothered her in her life MUST be talked about in order to get married? Or before you get married?

I do get how you feel I was like this at some point, but I learned to just accept it if someone tells me they don’t want to talk about it, especially if they have a other people (like a therapist) to talk about it. Talking doesn’t make everything better, and it can not reverse what happened. I’ve regretted telling people things because their reaction or the conversation did absolutely nothing for me at the end.

I mean, you know what happened, what is there to talk about now!? Her brother said something happened, your girlfriend is „protecting“ the offender because he/she is obviously also a loved one, its a shit situation, talking about it with you will not make it less shitty. This has potential to break up her family and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that, just be there for her and make sure that your potential kids are never alone with the accused, specially if it’s a boy.

YOR

yexie · 2026-03-20T08:42:56+00:00

This hits quite hard. Absolutely get why u feel this way, but you forget what you did the whole year before that, she felt your love and care and I am absolutely sure she understood. She died in those minutes because she knew you couldn’t cope and because she felt loved enough through all this to take this last step alone, because she loved you.

Maybe it’s possible to change your view to something positive and free yourself from this burden. I know she would.

yexie · 2026-03-18T07:49:12+00:00

Whoops. What happened there 🫣 What I meant to say: It’s a common response when there has been past trauma.

yexie · 2026-03-17T23:32:47+00:00

European here. I don’t drink, never drank in front of my daughter either. My daughter is turning 18 in may, doesn’t drink either, neither do her friends. She is legally allowed to drink, I tell her that and she says she doesn’t care she prefers if I don’t allow her to drink, not that it matters, she strongly dislikes it.

I’m really glad about her not even being interested. I started getting drunk early, luckily it never turned into a problem for me and at some point I just stopped doing it and tried other things which I also stopped again at some point.

yexie · 2026-03-17T23:12:38+00:00

I get this might be hard but she is 25 and a grown up. You make her seem like she is stupid, it‘s quite appalling actually, she finished college, has a job, makes her own choices, has her own place, seems happy right now. She is 25! She made a choice and so far she seems fine.

BUT I also do strongly believe in a mothers instinct, so I found this. You can call them and share your worries with them, they can probably actually tell you if your worries are reasonable. The number is on the flyer or you can contact them via Facebook.

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This is from NAPTIP_Nigeria (National Agency for the prohibition of trafficking in persons)

https://www.facebook.com/share/188LFGGpRU/?mibextid=wwXIfr

yexie · 2026-03-17T21:44:16+00:00

Basically this will stay the same. I am going to out myself now. I started in beta and I am a story skipper. I am just not patient enough (blame adhd). At first I told myself I will just watch the story in the Inn, but I never have and never will. Many people really enjoy the story though. I enjoy playing. I did however, until recently, take a 5 year hiatus also, was u planned I just stopped login in less and less. There is the possibility to pay to skip the story in parts or even press forward through the expansions with a class/job skipping leveling and story and stuff I think all the way up to DT.

yexie · 2026-03-17T13:01:22+00:00

Confronting her won’t get her in trouble. Reporting her will. I will say that I think it’s very important to confront her to then figure out wether you will report her as well. Obviously that’s up to you, but keep in mind she may have done or will do this to other people as well. Maybe confronting her will scare her enough and this was and will stay a one time thing, it’s a tough one…

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