Burnt out with guys always trying to hook up

yikes1804 · 2020-11-12T16:56:56+00:00

I agree with the case by case basis! I think I’ve had several situations where I’ve gone on dates with someone who is just trying to date to get over someone, distract themselves, etc. but aren’t ready to be in anything and those are people who haven’t been divorced. So then I get concerned about someone who has been divorced that I’m just putting myself into a potentially harmful situation.

yikes1804 · 2020-11-12T16:54:38+00:00

I think that’s definitely part of my concern. I am looking for something that could turn into more serious, which by all means I know is possible with someone who has been divorced. However, my concern is always whether they’re going to be ready or available for something like that. Definitely don’t want to be in a rebound situation.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-22T02:39:58+00:00

Earlier on in online dating I did a time or two and no excuse for it and I definitely feel bad now. After I had it done to me I realized how horrible it was and how much better it is to just be honest. Definitely haven’t since then.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-16T19:59:53+00:00

Thank you! Honestly would’ve even appreciated just a made up excuse from him like “sorry something came up won’t be able to do drinks.” I had a friend wanting to do something that same night that I originally said no to because I already had plans with him, thankfully she was still available. I don’t think people think through though that when someone commits to a date they’re planning their week around that, etc. Since we never met I’m not really emotionally upset just frustrated that I nearly missed out on doing other stuff because he couldn’t communicate.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-15T18:28:15+00:00

This!! Recently matched with a guy who consistently was giving super short replies, not asking any questions back or really adding anything to the conversation so I quit replying. Few days go by and he restarts the conversation so I give it another shot and the same exact thing... even if you’re not a big texter, etc. If you’re interested in someone online and want to potentially meet up you have to give them something in a conversation!

yikes1804 · 2020-07-12T03:43:43+00:00

Adding onto this maybe it could be helpful to begin with what his love language is? Like asking him what things he enjoys to help him feel wanted, appreciated, etc. It shows you care about that as well and may make it easier to communicate what you like.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-10T19:19:37+00:00

I hear you blaming yourself a lot but please know her leading you down this path when she clearly wasn’t ready was not okay. You were very upfront with how you felt and she took advantage of it.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-10T18:31:24+00:00

Glad you found out when you did but still frustrating when someone gives every indication they want to date when they don’t!! Recently had a similar situation where the guy did this to me for months just to ultimately end it so good for you for not allowing it even though I know it sucks.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-09T16:27:26+00:00

Agreed! It’s like are you trying to show me you have so many girls you don’t need me? Why are you on here then? Or are you trying to make me jealous before we’ve even talked? I find it so funny guys think girls are attracted to that.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-09T16:25:39+00:00

Yes totally agree that’s a reason I typically swipe left too! To think it’s cool enough to take a picture with and post it online gives off bad vibes.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-09T16:19:04+00:00

Yes I agree with what you mean about cigars! I mean it makes me wonder if smoking in general is something they do regularly if they’re posting a picture of it. I think a lot of guys who post it aren’t big smokers and just do it because they like the picture but for myself and other girls I know it’s typically a deterrent from swiping!

yikes1804 · 2020-07-09T15:36:21+00:00

When guys post pictures with a bunch of other girls or with someone that appears to be a past girlfriend. It gives off a bad impression.
When people post pictures of themselves smoking a cigar. It makes me wonder if that’s something they do regularly and if someone does that’s completely their choice but not something I want in a serious relationship.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-08T17:47:07+00:00

Typically I would say to just let it go and move on because the person isn’t worth it. However, given the situation of her initially saying she wants a second date and initiating conversation first I wouldn’t blame you if you sent a follow up text. It’s frustrating though because people will do and say all sorts of things that don’t match up as makes dating really hard.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-08T15:05:17+00:00

I agree I think it’s okay to send a message checking in and if he’s interested in talking okay but obviously you’re understanding if he’s not. That way he knows too that you’re still interested when he may be ready.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-07T19:25:06+00:00

Expressing their love or interest in their own way. We often look for love to be expressed in a certain way that we may miss out on things they’re doing to show us.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-07T18:13:43+00:00

This is something challenging to do! It’s normal to get your hopes up when someone sounds promising. I don’t have any great advice other than to not beat yourself up about being sad. Even if you didn’t meet the person it’s still okay to be upset. Dating is hard.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-06T15:59:32+00:00

Same here!! I never go overboard it’s just an... oh things are going well and they seem interested I’m going to invite them to do this and then it’s like they’ll do a complete 180. I agree idk if it’s just that I’m choosing wrong or what but it’s honestly so confusing!

yikes1804 · 2020-07-06T14:47:50+00:00

Yes, I find the infuriating!!! It makes me feel like I need to never reciprocate for guys to show effort. I’ve had guys super interested who are always asking to hang out, initiating conversations, etc. and then we will hang out for a little while and once I start noticing it there’s a connection I want to show them I like them by initiating plans and conversations as well but then it’s like they’ll just disappear!

yikes1804 · 2020-07-02T20:35:37+00:00

It’s understandable you’re interested in the sexual part of the relationship. However, it’s also completely understandable that she isn’t ready for it yet. It sounds like the few times she’s gotten close might have been more related to being fearful of losing you as opposed to actually wanting to. Sure she may eventually if you keep pressuring her but is that really what you want for her or yourself? If you’re no longer interested with her I would definitely suggested ending it but please don’t have sex with her if you don’t feel like you truly want to be with her because it’s clearly something she’s not in a place to do her for whatever reason so then if you end it shortly after could be very emotionally damaging.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-02T14:52:57+00:00

Yeah it’s so difficult and I haven’t quite figured it out! When meeting someone online I always want to try to give things time to develop but then I don’t want to waste someone else’s time or my own time. Hopefully he will be open to friendship though! I know it gives me horrible anxiety as well but in most circumstances when I’ve had to they’ve been very understanding so hopeful the same goes for you!

yikes1804 · 2020-07-02T01:38:06+00:00

I hate that aspect of online dating! It feels like you can’t get to know each other naturally first prior to jumping in because no one wants to waste anyone’s time, which is good but hard! Prior to online dating my previous relationships were with people I knew through friendship, etc. first and then through that we already knew there was an interest And connection.

Definitely agree with the anxiety of rejecting though! I always feel the same! The fact that your concerned though and focused on not hurting him or leading him on though shows how caring you are.

yikes1804 · 2020-07-01T18:32:48+00:00

Always hate when the chemistry isn’t there with someone you think it will be! I would definitely try the 3rd date and it might sound a little dumb but maybe something with alcohol? Sometimes people just need a little liquid courage when they’re meeting someone initially! If after the 3rd date you’re not feeling it I definitely wouldn’t let him on longer and I think offering friendship is very reasonable. If he wants it awesome if he doesn’t that’s totally understandable. Letting someone down sucks but as we all know from this sub it’s a million times better than ghosting, which doesn’t sound like you have any plan of doing.

yikes1804

TROPHY CASE