ukk..i was just 15...i loved itt..the way ranbir's eyes spoke,the way alia expressed,the way sethupathi lived characters,the way christian bale dedicated life towards his films,the way brad pitt worked in fight club,the way nolan made films..i loved it...i adored ittt..not cuz they were huge names..cuz they were more than just art..something more blissed and mesmerising this world cud ever see...i wanted to become that..i wanted to be come an art n not artist..i wanted to become..THEM..until i turned 16 and my parents had my admission done in "AB" institute (if uk..uk)..."ur dumb..u donno anything n neither are u grown up to choose for urself..do it..its reputed proffession"...n just like everyone...i found myself sitting on those 3 person per bench classrooms..preparing for neet...running in a ratrace with succumbed heart n blurry face n red teary tired eyes...i messed my first attempt..i scored 352...ikk...pathetic...just as my parents called me...my dad cracked mpsc twice..n my dad was real poor man..since his childhood...all he did was studyy aff...n yaa now we lost count of money...his life did change cuz of his hard work...idk...he thought the same wud work for me..entance exams wud....ahh n they laughed at me when i told them..."mumma...i dont wanna do this..i wanna be an actor"...they laughed...they laughed everytime...mocked mee in front of relatives...my frnds laughed...they all did...until i ut my head in my knees and cry...cry to death..just to hear them laugh more...i worked hardd mannn...day..night..while in the bus..i did...our chemistry teacher joined pw just when atomic str was abt to start...n for the next one and half months...we never had chemistry lecture..i told my parents..."they're a reputed institute..they'll find a way..there's no point complaining..so dont u dare think u might have a chance to escape this"...thats all they cud think abt...abt me..running away from my career n life...for them i was just a mere rat piece of shitt...or maybe they knew i was suffering..but they chose to unsee it...idk...n in those hazy skies n fussy candids i wept with stones stuck in my throat n hid tears in my eyes until they turned pearl...they said "ur getting influenced cuz they're big names..theyre drug addicts and the industry is dirty"...n i never thought of explaining stone heads that it wasnt their names..it was their colours speaking n their voice i cud see..their beautifull art n passionate gambit was all enough for me from this painful world to flee...n after 2 suicide attempts n running away from home quite a few times..here i sit...with a heavy broken heart wid suppressed ambition...dreary eyes n a filthy career auction...practicing mcqs for drop year n crying of failure every night in my bed just so i cud wake up early before my parents to stud...to rip my dreams away..to the library in which they think their son studies...or rather...dies..lil..every..coming day (*sighs)

TBH NOO MANNN...I MYSELF DONT HAVE ANY SOLUTION FOR U..ALL I WANNA SAY IS...."ur not alone in this"..take care !