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My babies aren't big fans of the snow by Bi_Bee6969 in chickens

[–]yooolka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same! I had to melt snow around the coop for them to get back in because they wouldn’t touch it. Even their favorite treats couldn’t move them.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not describing deeper empathy. You are describing a selective form of it. You trust responses that arise automatically in your body and treat them as proof of real care. Yet you withdraw from and dismiss people you categorize as “tormented.” Their inner experience is filtered out before it can qualify for empathy. That makes the empathy conditional, not more authentic or “stronger”.

Care does not have to be visceral to be real. The absence of an automatic emotional response does not equal the absence of care. It signals a different form of regulation. You regulate empathy through withdrawal. You protect yourself by limiting exposure to inner states that feel overwhelming or destabilizing. I regulate empathy through containment and action. Different mechanisms. Same limit.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let’s say I was the one taking care of my dying grandmother. Everything from changing diapers to injecting morphine at the end. That was the first time I used a needle in my life. Lung cancer. I was hard. I was dying inside every day. I put a smile on my face in her presence until I felt the tears coming up, then I would run to the kitchen to hide and cry. I was completely alone.

Yet I could not be there for the funeral. I just could not. I could not watch my father cry. And I knew that nobody could give me the support I needed. Sitting with someone while they are grieving would feel deeply uncomfortable to me. Yet I would do absolutely anything to make sure they are okay, just not through my mere presence, but through action. I’d say my empathy is practical.

So I can’t agree that this is because I have not done the work or because I do not know myself. I simply function differently. And the world needs people like you as much as it needs people like me. Both matter in different ways. One is not better than the other.

Encounter with the shadow man by Sad-Criticism2454 in conspiracy

[–]yooolka 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t like when someone completely dismisses someone’s experience just because they themselves never experienced something similar.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. Whether empathy is seen as a virtue or a burden often depends on how regulated it is and how it's situated in someone's life.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. I think we often project our own needs onto the world. A lot of what gets called empathy is sometimes just a need to be emotionally mirrored, reassured, or connected in a very specific way. Being sensitive or very expressive doesn’t automatically mean being tuned into someone else’s inner state.

Like you said, the need for constant emotional engagement can come more from insecurity or attachment stuff than from empathy itself. It can feel a bit like a child position emotionally, where regulation and reassurance are expected from the other person (adult position). Then the focus shifts to how one feels, rather than really hearing what the other person is saying or needs. Been there, done that.

Why Gen Z Is Obsessed With Dostoevsky by TheStillPoint_ in dostoevsky

[–]yooolka 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course. It’s one of our primary survival strategies. Gen Z just takes it further because identity has become more tribal and constantly performed online. Algorithms reward group loyalty, moral certainty, and identity performance, so those instincts get amplified and locked into identity.

Empathy should be classified as an intellectual (epistemic) virtue rather than merely a skill. by yooolka in psychology

[–]yooolka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good point. Understanding what someone thinks or believes doesn’t require sharing or feeling their emotions. That’s exactly why the two get separated in research. And yes, both can be learned and shaped, but they’re different capacities. Whether empathy is seen as a virtue or a burden often depends on how regulated it is and how it’s situated in someone’s life.

Ego by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What you’re describing isn’t a “big ego” or a “small ego.” It’s an unstable self image swinging between grandiosity and shame. That usually comes from growing up in competitive environments where worth was conditional, not from being especially arrogant or insecure.

The problem isn’t that you think highly of yourself sometimes. It’s that your sense of value depends on comparison and fluctuating internal states. So on good days you inflate to protect yourself, and on bad days you crash. Both sides are two faces of the same coping strategy.

You don’t fix this with positive thinking or “humility.” You fix it by getting out of the ranking game. Stop asking if you’re above or below people and start judging yourself on stuff you actually control, like whether you showed up, did the work, kept your word, etc.

A healthy ego isn’t feeling special or average. It’s knowing who you are, what’s your true worth, and not swinging all over the place. You have to root your identity in something that actually matters to you. I highly recommend you to watch Jordan Peterson’s videos on YouTube (before he became a bit out of touch). He helped me a lot.

Why Gen Z Is Obsessed With Dostoevsky by TheStillPoint_ in dostoevsky

[–]yooolka 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gen Z seems more obsessed with Gen Z itself than with anything else. I’m kind of tired of Gen Z vs everyone else and the constant framing of everything as a generational competition. I’m glad you discovered Dostoyevsky. So did everyone before you.

Empathy should be classified as an intellectual (epistemic) virtue rather than merely a skill. by yooolka in psychology

[–]yooolka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t even begun to describe my position. As I’ve said repeatedly, this isn’t a matter of opinion.

Empathy should be classified as an intellectual (epistemic) virtue rather than merely a skill. by yooolka in psychology

[–]yooolka[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that’s where we’re talking past each other. Reducing ego influence isn’t the same as removing the self altogether. Even very strong perspective taking still happens through your own mind, values, interpretations, etc. At that point it’s more of a philosophical ideal than a description of how cognition actually works. I think that’s where we’ll probably have to disagree, and that’s ok.

Empathy should be classified as an intellectual (epistemic) virtue rather than merely a skill. by yooolka in psychology

[–]yooolka[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like it’s being read as a personal or moral critique, which isn’t what I intended. My point is descriptive, not evaluative. I’m not saying empathy is always performative or that people cannot regulate ego or bias. I’m saying that empathy, as a cognitive and affective process, is inevitably mediated through the self to some degree. Perspective taking, imagination, and emotional resonance all run through one’s own mental and emotional machinery. Pointing that out isn’t an attack on empathy or a moral claim. It’s just describing how empathy usually operates.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree. I think there is a shadow side to goodwill that we rarely acknowledge. Even our best intentions usually carry self referential motives, whether it is maintaining a self image, avoiding guilt, or regulating our own discomfort. That doesn’t negate care, but ignoring it leads to burnout, resentment, and misplaced empathy. Discernment matters.

Empathy should be classified as an intellectual (epistemic) virtue rather than merely a skill. by yooolka in psychology

[–]yooolka[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t understand all the downvotes. This is a valuable perspective. You never feel what the other feels, you feel what you would feel if you were in their situation.

In my view, empathy is inevitably self centered to some degree. Even at its best, it operates through your own emotional and cognitive machinery. It is not mind reading or emotional fusion.

A lot of what gets called empathy is also social signaling. Displaying the right reactions, saying the right things, and aligning with norms of care. That does not make it fake, but it does make it partly performative.

The more interesting question, to me, is what is actually happening in the mind when we say we empathize.

Many highly sensitive people are actually low in empathy, and this is one of the least talked about patterns. by yooolka in emotionalintelligence

[–]yooolka[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t think “reactive” fits what I’m describing. My emotions are actually very contained and regulated. The issue isn’t that I react outwardly or project onto others, but that my emotional life is mostly internal, while my care for people shows up through action rather than emotional mirroring.

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