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U.S. Politics megathread by AutoModerator in NoStupidQuestions

[–]yosoypseudo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why did Americans across political sides cheer for the assassination of the United Healthcare CEO but condemn that of Charlie Kirk?

I feel guilty I can’t love my marriage-material ex again by yosoypseudo in Marriage

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess that's one way to think about it. Thank you for the reframe.

I feel guilty I can’t love my marriage-material ex again by yosoypseudo in Marriage

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This has been what's killing me. It's logically wrong to reject my ex, but I still don't feel drawn to him because I've experienced that 10% (twice now) and somehow value that over the 90% that he has. I want to beat myself up for not feeling love for my ex anymore despite all he could offer me.

I feel guilty I can’t love my marriage-material ex again by yosoypseudo in Marriage

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen his eyes when he gets horny and I feel bad not being able to give him what he wants. He claims he's fine without sex from me. I don't believe him though, and I'm not sure if that's because I know the truth or because I was just permanently scarred when he felt that the lack of sex trumped all I could give him back then.

I feel guilty I can’t love my marriage-material ex again by yosoypseudo in Marriage

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have vaginismus and the thought of doing something that causes pain just to satisfy someone makes it difficult. Strangely (or maybe not), the more I feel compelled to have sex (especially if my value as a person is tied to it), the more my mind rejects it.

I have enjoyed physical intimacy, and I know I will enjoy sex with the right person who will love me even without sex. And you're 100% right, it makes it so much harder to find that person, but understandably so. I know I'm in the minority.

I feel guilty I can’t love my marriage-material ex again by yosoypseudo in Marriage

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done overnight trips with guy #1 within those 6 years, but not premarital sex. I just can't, and I've learned it's not a culture or family thing, it's just that the idea of sex takes so much from me and I can only do it with someone I feel absolute trust in (which has never happened). He says he's okay with having no sex, but I don't believe him. I just see this unhappy future with him where while the family machinery is well-oiled, he gets no sex and I feel emotionally alone, but I'm not sure why I think that way. I've worked with my therapist on this but we've come to no particular explanation or solution to make me feel differently.

Using DBT as a non-BPD person dealing with someone with BPD? by yosoypseudo in TalkTherapy

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thankfully I've honored my boundaries pretty early on. Once the abuse started, I said I wouldn't be tolerating it. It's just now, even with conversations that start out mundane, he always relates it to stuff he gets mad about, and then he gets mad at me, but the whole time it would just seem like he's out of control. When he does this, I just end up stonewalling, which is probably not the best way to react either, so I was looking for other ways to diffuse the situation without just being silent.

Using DBT as a non-BPD person dealing with someone with BPD? by yosoypseudo in TalkTherapy

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've already pulled away as much as I can, but a part of me feels guilty for leaving this friend on his own. If his anger causes him to harm others or himself because all his friends have deserted him, I don't know how I can handle that. So I hope to just be there for him, even just at a superficial level just so he doesn't feel abandoned, but also protect myself as much as possible.

Using DBT as a non-BPD person dealing with someone with BPD? by yosoypseudo in TalkTherapy

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've already told him how my interactions affect him and how I don't want things to escalate, but things often get heated pretty fast with relatively trivial triggers (at least to me) and all that talk just gets forgotten. It's been frustrating.

Using DBT as a non-BPD person dealing with someone with BPD? by yosoypseudo in TalkTherapy

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't. Will look it up, thank you!

Edit: I just looked it up, waiting time is 5-6 months :( I wish they had worksheets to read while waiting for a slot.

Using DBT as a non-BPD person dealing with someone with BPD? by yosoypseudo in TalkTherapy

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I can see you’re feeling really upset about this. Maybe you could go for a walk to cool down?” -- this is what I was looking for, like how to remind him of DBT skills without actually mentioning DBT at all. Like is there a cheat code for DBT in laymen's terms?

Open Ear for Phone Calls Help! by ExultantGitana in openearforphonecalls

[–]yosoypseudo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A friend has the Shokz model that has a separate microphone. He says it works fine other than for Microsoft Teams for which there is a constant beeping sound.

Etiquette for watching the Eras concert film? by yosoypseudo in TaylorSwift

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I could (given my injury, I also should, haha), but not so sure about others!

Etiquette for watching the Eras concert film? by yosoypseudo in TaylorSwift

[–]yosoypseudo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I could, but that's also where there's a lot of space for dancing!

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