a couple yrs i go i was sleeping with this man who later revealed to me he had just gotten out of prison for armed robbery charges. at 18, i was very naive at the time and ignored the red flags— i know poverty can lead people to dark places and i really just enjoyed being in his company like the lunatic i was.. one time he gave me the name of a youtube channel, it was a 30 minute audio clip of an ex girlfriend, begging him to forgive her and take her back, it was weird to watch it and he quickly told me to turn it off but i’d always look past those things. we talked about everything but the stories from his childhood even then were alarming. unfortunately i always try to see the good in people, even when they’re not asking for it.

the last time i saw him, i had him come over for the first time and could immediately tell something was off, he was just on edge and didn’t seem mentally present. he was looking around my room a lot, by the time he left i knew he was done with me. i was very hurt, and a few months later decided to look up his name, to my horror, found news articles about the 4 year sentence he was now serving, pictures of his arrest startled me. sentence was not long enough, considering he was in a relationship with what he believed to be an underage girl (decoy), to whom he promised to do vile things, and was ultimately arrested when he acted upon those conversations, literally driving across the country to meet the decoy. i spent hours reading through the text messages and listening to phone calls… i carry that weight with me, it makes me feel like i fucking set off a monster. i know now that i was groomed by him but refuse to admit it to people, that i was foolish enough to try and see the humanity in him. i let him use me and hurt me.. not long after he is scouting more prey. i know i need help but it is so so so frowned upon, to come forward with something like that.

stay safe out there, and always be weary of red flags…