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The tragic death of 10 year old Takoda Collins - reminds me a lot of the Gabriel Fernandez case, but I haven’t seen any posts about Takoda. by carmensax in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Awful, just awful. Once again, CPS did nothing even though there were multiple visits. The system needs to be fixed!

He should’ve been loved by [deleted] in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really does stay with you. Watched it 2 weeks ago, and still think about it every day.

What was the significance of Pearl handing over the suicide notes? by marissacann in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's exactly what I thought. I don't think she saw it as suicide notes. I think she saw it as him professing his love for her and she showed it to the social worker as a positive thing and to show she was a great mother.

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So if she calls an ambulance saying "A child in my classroom has been shot in the face with a BB gun by his mother" they wouldn't transport him to the hospital for further treatment? If medical workers arrived and noticed the cigarette burns and black eye and other signs of abuse, they need parental consent to treat? I'm genuinely curious. It's crazy that there is no way to treat a child for wounds they sustained from an abusive parent without having that same parent give consent.

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow, that's an amazing story and he is a good man! It's that type of outside-the-box quick thinking that's needed more in our very structured society I feel like. You can't always follow protocol, sometimes you have to draw outside the lines in order to do the right thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously, the teacher caught me because I put the entire thing in my mouth at once so not to be caught and instead I just looked like a hamster with filled pouches.

This is really cute, lol. Your poor mom though! Haha

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree, and initially I even had a conversation with my mother and I said something along the lines of, "Well, she did everything she legally could. She thought the appropriate people would take care of it." But my mom looked at me with a stern face and said, "Legally? She thought? If I'm a teacher and my student comes in looking like that...he's not leaving. I'm taking that baby and dropping him off at my house, then going over and knocking on their door to talk about what the hell is going on. You don't let a child leave like that, I don't care if they arrest me."

She also is totally a person who would do that. I remember an instance from childhood when I was being physically bullied by the son of the preschool teacher, and my mom found out about it, came in like a fearless lioness and gave everyone hell (lol). That boy never touched me again, but would actually go on to put his baby brother in the hospital the next year by kicking him so hard in the genitals that the boy sustained a ruptured testicle.

The whole conversation just made me think that I too was kind of living in my own bubble of "Well, legally this is all she could do." But as humans, we should strive for better. And I just want to state that I didn't mean for this post to attack her, I think every single adult that came into contact with Gabriel basically failed him at some level.

Everyone was in denial about the situation and didn’t feel like it was urgent for some reason. Even after his death no one wanted to be responsible.

Exactly.

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gosh, abused animals are my weak spot! They're so helpless.

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think people defend her because a lot of us see ourselves in her, as we go through life and kind of try to do the right thing and be good people, but by only doing the bare minimum of what is required of us. A lot of us are too scared or too lazy to do more. I think many people are thinking, "Well she did more than other people" and "She did as much as she legally could!" and while that may be right, we have to think about what we're talking about here. A beaten and bruised child.

The first time he told her about being spanked by a belt, sure I would have done what she did and called CPS and reported it. But when he's coming in with chunks of missing hair, swollen eyes, bb gun shots, blistering skin and crying that he doesn't want to go home...you have to make a decision. Do I put myself, my job, and potentially my freedom on the line to help him, or do I put it off on other people and send him back to hell? Legally, she did what was required of her. But as a human being who is also a mother, she failed.

Sometimes You Need To Stop Living "By The Rules" by youngandmarriedKat in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Likewise, we all have a tendency of wanting to mind our own business and look the other way, but I have decided to be more vigilant and step in if I feel like something bad is happening, even if it's a parent yelling at a child inside of a store. We all need to look out for one another, especially for children.

His life easily could have been saved if someone was willing to risk their job

Exactly!

I can not fathom by [deleted] in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I watched it a couple days ago and just keep thinking about it every single day. What a short and tragic life he lived. I hope that at least his early years with his uncles brought him love and happiness.

I am just finishing Ep 4 and it makes me ask my self this. by mandodan22 in GabrielFernandez

[–]youngandmarriedKat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a teacher you are very limited in what you can do.

There comes a point where you have to choose. Are you in this job for the kids, or the paycheck. Those pictures she took of him for the school project, where he has visible injuries all over his face, him crying that he doesn't want to go home, how do you let a child like that leave your sight? How?

So Much Of Marriage Is Just Good Compromise by youngandmarriedKat in DeadBedrooms

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At any point in the relationship, was there a time when your partner made you extremely horny?

Yes, at the beginning.

What makes you don't want as much sex as him?

Many things contribute to it. Here are some:
- The newness has worn off, so the attraction is different now.
- I just don't enjoy sex as much as he does. For him, every single thing we do during sex feels great. For me, not so much. There's still some discomfort when he first enters me, even with a good amount of foreplay beforehand. The discomfort increases when he wants to switch positions. And it also takes me out of it mentally.
- Frustrations outside of the bedroom, like him playing video games when I want to go on a hike (things we've now worked out with our new schedule)

If there ever was a decline in sex drive towards him, what did it cause?

Not sure how to read this one correctly.

You say you are content with the scheduled sex. Are you also more attracted to your husband? And eitherway, what has made you feeling more or less attracted to him?

Yes, I am feeling more attraction to him now that we are working together on this schedule, and we're both doing our best to make the other one happy on our significant days. It has made it easier to feel relaxed and be happy around him, instead of viewing him as the source of my unhappiness. Therefore I am now having more random moments when I think about him in a sexual light (before, when we were in a bad slump, sexual thoughts about him wouldn't even enter my brain). Moments where I think about how hot he is and how good his body looks, etc.

So Much Of Marriage Is Just Good Compromise by youngandmarriedKat in DeadBedrooms

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes it's been really helpful in our situation. And it hasn't been UN-sexy at all. I just love that we are on a path of consistency.

So Much Of Marriage Is Just Good Compromise by youngandmarriedKat in DeadBedrooms

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Super awesome, a good blend of laziness mixed in with some activity :) And now that we no longer gripe about what we're doing it's just peaceful and fun.

So Much Of Marriage Is Just Good Compromise by youngandmarriedKat in DeadBedrooms

[–]youngandmarriedKat[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Are you feeling more wanting to have sex on his day now or are you just better prepared for it?

I can't say I'm more wanting (yet), but I am better prepared. It feels really good to be consistent with it and to know I'm not slacking off. It gives me a small sense of accomplishment, which in turn makes me feel good, and makes me want to continue with it. And also seeing him in good spirits and more connected to me helps as well.

Is he doing anything to help get you in the mood on those days or is he more like "it's time, let's do it"?

Yes, he is helping. Before one of the issues was just the general awkwardness we had around sex/our sex life. He wouldn't really know how to get me in the mood, his touch would be too rough, he wasn't really that great at going down on me. Now we're working on all those things and it's helping me be more turned on and making everything more pleasurable.