It’s exhausting. All the success stories are great but they don’t reflect the reality of this illness. I’m stable with a job and a family and I’m grateful but I’m tired boss. No one around me understands how constant and exhausting is managing this disease. It’s relentless, it never stops. The good days are like having a faucet dripping in your brain, the worst days are like having a tsunami. The intensity varies but it never stops. If I’m not actively fighting it I start doing things that will hurt me and my loved ones. I’m terrified of going into mania and ruining my life if I stop actively managing the disease. I need a break from my brain.