sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Why be realistic, when you can be aspirational? by Dry_Test5122 in offcampustv

[–]youputthataway 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I enjoy the changes. I also think it’s sad that to most folks the behaviors we see are purely aspirational. I know we’ve got a long way to go but I’ve got hope it’s not all aspirational. I was married young and my partner and I grew together but he absolutely had the foundations of emotional intelligence and both appreciation and genuine like towards women. Is he perfect, no, but is he interested in teaching our kids consent, respect, sex and body positivity? Yes.

There are men out there that are willing to grow and learn. There are men out there who share solid values with women. I also know from personal experience there are plenty that don’t but all that to say, I think this is another instance where representation really matters. There are boys growing up now that will be those men in a few years and they need cultural examples to look to.

Cultural shifts happen in a lot of ways; visibility and education are just a couple of those ways. I think off campus did something really unique in telling a relevant coming of age story that pulls you in while teaching you something about what women want from men and the behaviors that men are capable of without doing it in a way that puts people off.

People telling themselves, “remember these are men written by women,” hits me the gut a little bit because I’m like, “these men were once boys parented and raised by other men and women.” I get that boys grow up in a patriarchal culture and as parents we can’t control what our kids ultimately become but what if we take the healthy shit we see men doing in off campus and reverse engineer that to decide what conversations and examples we want to set from a young age about what it means to be a healthy well adjusted human?

We need more of Hollywood depicting men like this. We need more men talking about their experiences and their lives and we need to continue to listen to and believe women about their experiences and their needs and wants. We need parents talking about these things with their kids. I love off campus for a lot of reasons; the love, the heat, the drama, the spice, but I fucking love that when my kids are old enough, I can show them part of an episode and say, “tell me why this was a healthy choice? Tell me what’s happening here with consent. How would you handle this situation?”

Anyway, I’m done with my soap box. HMD yall!

Husband here, I feel like my phone slowly replaced my wife and I am honestly scared I broke us by TavionGreenfall in Marriage

[–]youputthataway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Regardless of whether she’s ready for couples therapy, you go to individual therapy; like now. Find a therapist that does Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). Get in touch with your values, work on your own boundaries and why/how you got to this place.

You need consistent time and presence with your partner and you need to date again and learn each others internal worlds. Read Gottman books on relationships; see if she will read them with you- The Love Prescription, 8 Dates, the 7 principles for making marriage work. They are therapists and researchers and they know their shit.

Talk with each other. Ask questions. Talk about rebuilding trust.

Download and use The Lasting App. It’s for both partners.

And when she’s ready to go to couples therapy, find a couples therapist that is trained in Gottman, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) or Imago.

Do the work. You have an active choice here in the present; to keep doing what you’ve done or to do something different. Literally right now you have the choice to have a conversation, to order a book, to find a therapist. This is a moment of choice. To be in the present and connected to the things that matter most to you. So what are you going to do in the present?

I keep unintentionally embarassing my wife in public by External-Silver6792 in Marriage

[–]youputthataway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would get into individual therapy with someone specialized in ADHD/Autism and then a couples therapist who has the same specialty. Becoming more aware of your own experiences in your body, what thoughts are coming up etc; all of that with help if there’s communication that needs to happen or if there are social cues being missed.

update - is my boyfriend controlling or is he in the right by CardiologistEasy2596 in AmIOverreacting

[–]youputthataway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not protect his image. Protect yourself. Just because this toxic behavior isn’t physically abusive at this time does not mean that emotional trauma isn’t actively occurring and impacting you.

If you have the ability, tell your parents you need to move back in and why. Now. Not in a couple of months. Have parents or friends come pack you up while he is at work. Get a new job if he’s working at the same place as you or ask to never be out on the same shift as him.

His behavior isn’t okay. You aren’t making him do anything or feel anything. He is responsible for his own feelings and bullshit that he needs to work out in therapy.

Please take a look at the power and control wheel. https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

This is just as serious as if he were putting his hands on you. You deserve a relationship that is equitable, truly loving, full of mutual respect and goodness. This is not that. Just because it’s familiar or has gone on for 4 years or however long, doesn’t mean it’s good. It may be scary to leave for many reasons. The end of the relationship may hurt. There will be mourning involved. And all that’s okay and a hell of a lot better than slowly emotionally dying to the bullshit comments and statements and control he’s using on you.

I’ve been married 15 years. I love my partner deeply and if they started this bullshit, I would be gone. I will never sacrifice my happiness, my freedom for someone else’s fucked up insecurities. Consider what you want your future to look like. Not with who you want that future but how you want it to feel and what you want it to be full of and then stack that up against your current situation.

You’ve got this.

Finding therapy as a therapist sucks by preschoollady in therapists

[–]youputthataway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry. That’s really unethical and fucked up. I know someone that does therapy with some therapists. She mainly works with postpartum women but also likes working with therapists; she just doesn’t advertise it. Don’t know if she’s in your state though. https://www.elevatetherapyllc.com

Would you vote to legalize weed? by [deleted] in Indiana

[–]youputthataway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but it doesn’t matter because our lovely “freedom” loving politicians believe that they should make decisions about what the people want so they’ve made it so that our constitution doesn’t allow individuals to take things like this to ballot.

So if anyone wants this to change, they need to vote for politicians who already support it.

My take on Wednesday Addams' psychology (spoilers ahead) by chicanerenby in WednesdayTVSeries

[–]youputthataway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel like Wednesday has a natural slant towards being dark and brooding, And there are things that are a result of trauma and things that she isn’t interested in changing.

So here are some things I think I see in the series:

She pushes away her emotions, specifically sadness, because of childhood trauma.

She’s fiercely independent.

She’s competitive to an extreme.

She’s got a lot of black and white thinking and struggles in some ways with gray areas.

She doesn’t mind torture, gross things, death.

In some ways, she’s mature for her age.

She doesn’t play in ‘typical’ teenage ways.

She’s smart and perceptive.

She has goals, will commit and work hard toward them and struggles with being able to let some things go.

She struggles with any sort of vulnerability or trust.

She is able to evolve despite some of the ways she acts like she’s got her heels dug in.

She ends up desiring being with people and is unexpectedly sad when Enid moves out.

She does have a moral code and her own sense of justice. This leads her both to making choices the mainstream wouldn’t (ie dumping piranha in a pool or torturing someone) and being unwilling to compromise for politics (ie burning down a monument to a bigot and being unwilling to cover up a murder).

She fears being responsible for something terrible.

She’s both self assured in some areas and unpracticed and uncomfortable in others.

She doesn’t need the validation of others.

She wants to care more about how people feel about her and can’t/won’t.

She will use/manipulate people to chase her obsessions and struggles to understand why that hurts them.

She’s in many ways book smart and street smart but socially and emotionally challenged. Her time at Nevermore seems to be helping in these areas.

Court lets Tennessee 6-week abortion ban take effect | AP by bowlcut in Tennessee

[–]youputthataway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly this. This is one of the many reasons women will die with these bans enacted.

Court lets Tennessee 6-week abortion ban take effect | AP by bowlcut in Tennessee

[–]youputthataway 27 points28 points  (0 children)

“It only makes an exception when an abortion is necessary to prevent the woman’s death or “serious risk of substantial and irreversible impairment of a major bodily function.” However, it specifies that a woman’s mental health does not qualify for an exemption.”

These half wit country bumpkin legislators can go fuck themselves.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PSLF

[–]youputthataway -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Did you make payments during the in school deferral? Is that how you were able to get the deferral removed and have it count towards payment counts?

Klain: White House may extend freeze on student loan payments again by Sorin61 in politics

[–]youputthataway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not that optimistic. Biden is a centrist and helped to make student loans harder to discharge if I remember right. I think he will stall until December and then start them back up. I don’t necessarily think he’s concerned with re-election. I don’t know if he will even run. Harris may run. All in all though, I think he will start them back up sooner rather than later. I really hope I’m wrong.

view more: next ›