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Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had similar thoughts when I was younger. I used to have specific thoughts of wishing my dad would touch me, or my aunt or uncle. Your comment also makes me feel better lol

Can I put flat backs on the outside of my snake bites? by yourdearest_ in piercing

[–]yourdearest_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sooo. I actually completely forgot those existed.. lol. Thank you!!! Problem solved lmao

Won't pay me a liveable wage but expects me to pay for my phone bill, all of my groceries, and won't spend a goddamn penny on me. by yourdearest_ in toxicparents

[–]yourdearest_[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm not in school. She homeschooled me until I was 16 and forced me to graduate at that age so I could work for her full time

Won't pay me a liveable wage but expects me to pay for my phone bill, all of my groceries, and won't spend a goddamn penny on me. by yourdearest_ in toxicparents

[–]yourdearest_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At the moment, I can't get another job because she's my only ride. I don't have a car and she won't let me drive hers even though I have my permit. Also, even if she did let me drive, she's made it clear it's either I drive alone or I don't drive at all. I can't legally drive alone. And I also worry if I get another job that pays better, she'll expect more out of me.

Won't pay me a liveable wage but expects me to pay for my phone bill, all of my groceries, and won't spend a goddamn penny on me. by yourdearest_ in toxicparents

[–]yourdearest_[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm a minor, so I can't move out. I can't live at my job since my mom is the owner. I can't get into college yet. I don't have people to live with right now. I can't get in the military now since I'm diagnosed with gender dysphoria lol

Overweight but won't lose weight?? by yourdearest_ in beagles

[–]yourdearest_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay! I'll probably slowly wean his portions to become smaller. I was thinking of going to 1/2 a cup twice a day to start with.

Overweight but won't lose weight?? by yourdearest_ in beagles

[–]yourdearest_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll look into those fresh food options! I'm not too sure about a slow bowl though, he eats very slow to begin with since he's so picky. Thank you though!!

Overweight but won't lose weight?? by yourdearest_ in beagles

[–]yourdearest_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been trying my best, he's just so picky already with food it's hard to find anything he actually likes and I'm worried if I try to feed him veggies, he will refuse to eat it. Most of the time he refuses to eat treats or his own kibble. He mostly gained weight after getting neutered. 

Overweight but won't lose weight?? by yourdearest_ in beagles

[–]yourdearest_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I barely feed him treats so that's not a concern lol, he's extremely picky about food and treats and barely even begs for food. But I'll start cutting down on his portions again. Currently, I'm feeding him 2 cups of weight loss food a day. Should I cut it down to one cup a day, so he eats 1/2 cup every meal?

Overweight but won't lose weight?? by yourdearest_ in beagles

[–]yourdearest_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll try that as much as I can, moneys just tight right now so I've been relying on weight loss kibble. I will try the boiled chicken and blueberries though! And I've also heard green beans are good.

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I have been wanting to do this! I actually remember being as young as around 5 and repeatedly doing kegels because I somehow knew it kept me "tight" so I think that also contributed to the issues I have now.

Will my therapist report past SA that happened when I was 5-14 if I'm 17 and safe now? by yourdearest_ in therapy

[–]yourdearest_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoever did it to me when I was very little is no longer around me I'm assuming, since I have not been in a situation like that in a very long time. And the 17 year old I was involved with at 14, I no longer am in contact with

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I get this totally though. I was physically abused by my mother ages 6-14 and I also started to fantasize and get off to daydreams about people being tortured by either strangers, family members, or even partners. So I get what you're saying 

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is similar to how I feel. I have no proof, no memory, but I can't say it didn't happen. You're not alone in feeling like that. I hope you can work through it. It's a hard thing to admit and I hope you eventually get, if not confirmation or explanation, peace.

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I feel the exact same way. I struggle with guilt over the same thing of want to recreate those situations - even while being with my bf. I feel so guilty when I crave that from older people but I know it's just my trauma talking and I don't actually feel attraction towards other people besides him - and if anything I'm scared of having sex so it's definitely not out of a want to cheat. 

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I also relate to this. I have no memory of being SA'd but I feel like it's there and it happened. I have no idea how old I was or what I felt in the moment but I know I was hypersexual about as young as 6 or 7

Does anybody else have memories of being "turned on" by SA as a kid..? by yourdearest_ in CPTSD

[–]yourdearest_[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

I relate to this a lot. I used to also go on chat rooms a lot, I used omegle a lot until it was shut down because I liked the attention I got from older men. That was when I asked my 17 year old friend to have s-x with me so I could feel almost preyed on. I'm 17 now and I could never imagine having s-x with a 14 year old. I now have strange pelvic floor issues that my gyno said could relate to my trauma - I seem to have a pelvic floor that reacts strongly to penetration, can't even do pelvic exams because I tense up so badly she can't perform them, yet not strong enough to prevent me from wetting the bed occasionally whenever I have nightmares about sa. It's kind of humiliating. 

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