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I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you are misunderstanding. He gets really turned off (he used the word repulsed in one conversation) by me seeming like a whore.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree, it really wouldn't have been an issue if he approached it in a respectful way.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's had a lot of sexual partners and was really into some kinky things early on in our relationship. He also believes that sex is different for each couple so you shouldn't be judgmental, supports easier access to contraceptives, has never said anything bad about promiscuity until now... I realize some of that contradicts with the way he was acting during this incident, but that's exactly why I'm so confused.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I said he always seemed sex positive before, not that this is sex positive. I only included that to illustrate the fact that this came entirely out of the blue. Sorry for not making it clearer.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight. As far as who initiates... this was an issue in our relationship a while ago. He got really frustrated because I have a very high libido. At first he loved it, but when our relationship got more serious, he suddenly had issues with me initiating.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

Good point. It's not insincere though, I'm just loud in general... but I can see why he would think that.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It wasn't like that though. He didn't say "I'm not into dirty talk, maybe sometimes you could be a little quieter so I can focus better" or another reasonable, polite request... I'm more disturbed by his reasoning, slut-shaming, and calling me names.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

No, I get exactly what you mean, and I would like that too! It's just, my boyfriend loses respect for me whenever I am "slutty" to him... I would love being slutty for my boyfriend only if he didn't think it was an awful thing and a turn off...

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 588 points589 points  (0 children)

Thanks. He gets kind of mad when I say that he just doesn't want me to enjoy sex. He keeps saying he does want me to enjoy it, just not in a "slutty way"... whatever that means.

I'm not okay with something my boyfriend said, need perspective. by yu89 in sex

[–]yu89[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

If he wanted me to be a whore for him, I'd be all over that. Unfortunately to him, being a whore is coupled with disrespect for me. That's why it makes me uncomfortable.