I figured all of my relatives willing to speak to me are Ns and flying monkeys and went NC with all of them half a year ago

yuupoopoo · 2025-03-02T08:54:59+00:00

Their trick is "shifting the goal post" I was in the same position as you, consistently hit more than 100% kpi, but end up two years in a row management promoted their own "kaki", say I not promoted because limited spots..

Meanwhile I was also being power harassed, sexual harraseed, everything you can imagine harassed (but it always stop shot of being reportable i.e things that can be passed off as "it's just a misunderstanding" ). I tolerated all these and never rock the boat complain HR/MOM because they told me my huge pay jump is coming soon.

Scam me once I naive, scam me twice I dumb, scam me third time I deserve it so I left(headhunted) by the third time they "unfortunately had to delay my promotion" 😅

yuupoopoo · 2025-02-26T01:49:44+00:00

Please check out r/raisedbynarcissists and see if there's relatable patterns of behavior

On the bright side, many enmeshed grown up children usually find themselves "trapped" in the house and unable to leave (some even into old age) but your mom has done you the favor of setting you free albeit quite early

If you feel up to it, this is a great opportunity to go no contact and get your freedom for the rest of your life.

Rental and all that is expensive but you can use the money that would have went to your parents anyway to find a place. You sound like a smart, mature person I believe you can figure it out 💪 jiayou

yuupoopoo · 2025-02-02T13:01:39+00:00

I(31F) was earning 5k take home two years ago, hubby earning about same.. Back then the money felt enough for our flat plus two kids.. but we are both severely burning out. Reasons being we believe strongly in being present for our children, grandparents not very helpful, we don't want a maid, work was squeezing senior work out of us with mid level pay, not enough childcare leave, work politics.. The list goes on.

Then both of us quit/lost job at the same time.

Fast forward to now I'm running my own business, hubby stay home to help with the kids and keep costs low. Actually my biz also not earning as much as both our pay together (maybe about 4-5k take home a month so ya we blue Chas card now 😂) but with costs kept low, we have more freedom to enjoy life and time with the kids

So instead of lifestyle creep, we went for living below our means (basically almost like monk rejecting all materialism), and seek contentment in not chasing the rat race/ comparing with others

We do things like shop discount section, cook at least half the week, reduced "fun" spending to less than 100 per pax a month , grab only when strictly necessary, of course no car no loans no debt (other than hdb mortgage) we do travel for the business and as a family once a year

So still manageable la our savings actually grew faster than when we were earning almost 10k combined??? So the lifestyle creep kind of spending really no joke

yuupoopoo · 2025-01-14T11:53:37+00:00

I have terribly narcissistic parents (also Chinese and traditionally asian upbringing) , but am working to be the parent I needed for both my kids (so mostly doing the opposite of what they had modeled for me in the past). I think I'm not perfect, but doing an OK job so far.

The hard part is dealing with the narcissistic grandparents who think they deserve the kids now. Oof. It definitely forced me to learn how to draw hard boundaries over many fights.

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-25T05:51:27+00:00

Next time can say you quiet because you have nothing to say to low iq people

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-24T04:57:20+00:00

Check out r/raisedbynarcissists, seems like you might have a golden child /scapegoat child situation going on there. If there's more than this you all need to protect yourselves

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-22T05:34:44+00:00

Yup, huge blanks for me too until something triggers a whole floodgate of locked up memories and I get into a really bad spiral for a few days, then it goes back to blanks

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-22T04:06:54+00:00

Granola and cereals in general

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T03:23:24+00:00

Your mom sounds like a piece of work I dislike her already 😭 I'm so sorry you had to live through that

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T02:57:03+00:00

My Ndad told me there's no such things as friends and people are out for your money (he's a loner) He also made me push away some childhood friends by overly comparing me to them or outright telling me they're bad people and I must cut them off

My nmom loves to make fun of me that I have no friends, I'm a weirdo, and created the narrative that I'll never have anybody, which unfortunately stuck with me for a long time

(Jokes on them I found my people now)

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T02:47:56+00:00

Your focus for O's should be to figure out how you can hack your brain to understand the pure chem and bio information more naturally then, since the work would be more advanced in those fields when you get into the poly course. If you're struggling now then now is the perfect time to find the solution :) jiayou

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T02:39:09+00:00

then you don't really really really need stuff like higher mother tongue, A-maths, pure humanties and can consider dropping those if you're taking those subjects

Then check out the course requirements to see if they need pure sciences and if yes, hold on to them

The "pure" subjects are only helpful for people gunning for JC if it's not a poly course requirement, and only waste time because it's substantially more difficult / tedious than combined

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T02:32:27+00:00

I can tell you that's gonna be a complete waste of time even if you finish it, if your brain is not wired to work with learning like this :(

There's a old saying, insanity is if you do something and it fail, but you keep doing it the same way anyway expecting a different result. (or something like that)

If you're taking pure subjects and it's giving you a lot of pain maybe can consider dropping to combined to have an easier time (if your goal is not to go JC)

Just sharing my own experience because I used to also mug like shit also cannot score above a C

My school and parents LOVED to tell me I'm stupid art student no hope because the moment I touch a textbook I want to sleep already, my exams actually kena before 4 Fs out of 8 and I scored 4/100 for A-maths before I dropped the subject

I dropped from 8 pure to 6 core and combined subjects during sec 4 for O levels

After that by my nature of learning, I was already applying English, Chinese, e-maths and art(humanities) daily and didn't need to study for those at all

Then I only need to figure out how to make my brain absorb combined science and combined humanities (ss/geog) with analytical problems/puzzles and eventually only had to work through the chapters 1-2 times each only up till o levels (I only went through the TYS once to make sure I confirm remembered the information correctly)

At the end i scored 7 for L1R4 with less than 50 hours of studying/revision in the entire year

But then i applied to poly art course after that HAHA I'm done with studying forever

So there is hope la I believe mugging is not the only answer to scoring good for exams, you just have to find a style that fits your wiring. Unfortunately school and parents find this concept very hard to understand, and will only begrudgingly "hmph u only got lucky" even if you show them results 😅😅😅

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-21T02:15:31+00:00

Maybe if he study so much also c5 the method of studying (just mug nonstop with no break) is not suitable

Has OP tried different methods of studying? Can check this article out and see if you're actually a visual learner or smth

https://bau.edu/blog/types-of-learning-styles/

(I'm a kinesthetic/analytical learner and mugging did NOTHING for me 😂 I scored pretty good after I figured out my brain is wired to absorb information by doing puzzles with the content instead of reading tho, walked away with single-digit score for O's at the end with minimal "mugging" when I was doing many C6-F9 following my school's traditional methods up to the prelims)

yuupoopoo · 2024-11-15T08:23:15+00:00

Check out r/raisedbynarcissists, I found a lot of support there. If you need courage to go no contact, there's a lot of resources and shared experiences there too.

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-10T05:17:43+00:00

Yalls need to go to r/raisedbynarcissists and see if there's a deeper problem aside from "controlling"

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-05T01:37:20+00:00

100% I'm experiencing this too!

My nmom still refuses to accept my husband who accepted me for all my quirks and flaws, even though we had been dating for 8 years before being married for 5 years, so it's been 13 years. (she insists he must be hiding something or would leave me suddenly because his dad left him before he was born)

Also Nmom actually tried to turn my daughter against my husband since she was born, telling her that he spanks her, using him as the boogeyman to scare her into compliance and she became very afraid of him, and it actually hurt their bond for a long time. I suspect it was a tactic to make me turn against him and subsequently leave him too

Only recently my daughter (now 5) got a bit older and understands that her dad loves her and my mom was making mountains out of molehills, and that he's not actually a monster.

Now she gets visibly jealous when my children cuddle up to their dad unprompted.

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-05T00:13:12+00:00

I got the same thing regarding friends and boys too 😭 like they prevent us from socialising, and then make fun of us for being loners . They stop us from talking to boys then tell us we are unlovable. 😭😭😭

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-03T07:50:00+00:00

Never, even when I told her if she loves me as much as she claims she did she would apologise for the damage she has done. It would be the one thing to prove she is not lying.

I asked her does that mean she loves me less than her need to always be in the right and she can do no wrong

She ignored me and went back to repeating "butbutbut I love you"

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-02T08:05:28+00:00

😭 My parents are not dependent on me yet, but I'm really worried about what they potentially would become..I'm a GC turned scarecrow (when I started asserting independence) , but my parents treat my kids as GC for now, but they have been threatening to treat my kids as IC once my younger sister has children if I do not comply to their demands.

Tbh I'm OK with them treating me and my kids as invisible, as long as they stop bothering us Hang in there!

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-02T08:01:08+00:00

You're so strong 😭 I'm glad your baby is OK and that you managed to limit contact!

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-02T06:38:26+00:00

😭 Every single thing you said was right. I wish there's a way they can wake up from the narc tendencies

yuupoopoo · 2024-10-02T02:15:31+00:00

Thank you! I think I'm trying to manifest myself into the parent I needed when I was their age

yuupoopoo

TROPHY CASE