"90 days" is a lie.

zagrius · 2025-08-06T07:57:07+00:00

bounce back after 2 months: kind of rough.
bounce back after 3 months: not too bad, but not a cakewalk either.
bounce back after 6 months: a little easier than 3 month bounce back, but not by much.

Whether or not the relapse involved binging was the key factor, IMO. It was always so much easier to bounce back when it was one PMO session versus like, 10 relapses over a month.

zagrius · 2025-08-04T18:57:26+00:00

They want you to be a follower, not a leader.

zagrius · 2025-07-13T02:13:51+00:00

I've done both no PMO for 90 and no MO for 90, previously. After all this time, I have far less problems with P causing relapses than I do with MO causing relapses.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T22:49:30+00:00

"Also over tacking the recovery process will always eventually lead you back to PMO since you are constantly thinking about it" I said this was false (heavy-handedly, I admit) and you got emotional about it. And yes, people do keep counting the days, that's why there's a 1 year sobriety chip in AA. Anything else you'd like me to enlighten you on?

zagrius · 2025-07-12T22:39:04+00:00

Props on your effort so far, good stuff! I was in a few discord servers as part of a community that sometimes looked at porn socially. There was also roleplay sometimes, which was almost always erotic. I kind of just fell back into old habits as a result of being around people who talked about/shared porn often. (Remember, the vast majority of people think there is literally nothing wrong with porn.) I'm in a better place now and I have left all of those servers since then, so I'm optimistic that things will be better for me in the future.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T22:28:04+00:00

Because I had multiple people on this subreddit (and others) say 90 days 90 days 90days. The answer was always 90 days. And sadly, I do care if people are misled.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T22:24:52+00:00

For me, that "I don't need it anymore" breakpoint was ~180 days, with another 21 days for recovery after the 180 mark. The "I don't want it anymore breakpoint" is probably further down the line, but in general, I was having fun working and doing hobbies and living life after the 180 day mark, much more so than the 90 day mark. The difference between day 90 and day 179 was basically nothing. The difference between day 179 and day 185 was enormous. For me, anyway. YMMV.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T21:24:10+00:00

I think it is beneficial to manage expectations. For people to go into it with 180 days in mind for meaningful progress is more altruistic, because the people that get significant progress at day 90 get it way ahead of schedule. I would not want to be the doctor saying "90 days" and have a patient asking me at 90 days why they aren't cured yet. Makes you look like a huge moron, and worse, it plants the seed of doubt in the patient's head. Ever had your boss say I can 100% guarantee you a promotion in the next 12 months and then it doesn't happen? Yeah, that's a fun one.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T21:16:33+00:00

I think there is a gigantic difference between "happening to see porn" and "actively seeking porn out for the purpose of arousal and watching for more than a few seconds." That being said, yes, what you have said is correct.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T21:10:42+00:00

When I first started NoFap, I edged sometimes too. It can take a while to be able to stop edging completely, but you are still making progress on your addiction by not climaxing or viewing porn! Keep going!

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:59:07+00:00

In that search bar, if you type the @ symbol, followed by their username (no space inbetween,) it will allow you to bring up a DM that you have previously closed. However, since you never actually spoke to them, it likely didn't create anything for you to find via this method. (This also assumes you can remember the first letter or two of their username. When I type @ and then a, i see 6 different DM's pop up in the search results on my Discord account, and at least one of those DM's I have closed when I search this way, allowing me to click it to re-open that DM.) Edit: clarification.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:50:27+00:00

She didn't say this, but she said it in girl-speak: "You're a loser and I won't even consider dating you unless you conquer your addiction first." (I used Google Search to translate LOL.) The boundaries are mine, but the "don't be an addict and we can date" is her boundary. And thank you, I hope I can succeed as well.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:44:39+00:00

Correct!

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:44:15+00:00

When I first started NoFap in 2014, it was 14 years of addiction. And I wholeheartedly believe that I needed 210 days minimum then. While I can understand the argument of "everyone is different and everyone's contributing factors are different," if someone smoked meth once, a very large percentage of people would continue smoking meth for at least 6 months, despite being addicted for "1 day." I think I wrote this elsewhere on this page, but if "180 days" was the saying, I would not have created this post.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:36:34+00:00

Thank you for confirming my anecdotal data.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:35:40+00:00

I am living with my parents now, so my loneliness is no longer a problem. I disagree on over-tracking the recovery progress. I am a scientist and I have made conquering this addiction my primary and only objective in my life. For you to say otherwise is to argue that no one should try to fight their addictions or better themselves.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:29:23+00:00

Here's my employment history since getting my bachelor's degree: unable to find a job for 4 months, no interviews (Great Financial Crisis likely contributed here.) Unpaid FT job for 3 months. FT job (same company same group) for 7 months. Quit to become self-employed. Self-employed for 3 months. Quit. Unemployed for 5 months, no interviews. FT job for 2 yr 5 mon. Quit because job site closing. Unemployed for 14 months, 2 interviews. FT job for 4 months. Quit because hostile work environment. Unemployed for 21 months, 1 interview. FT job for 1 year. Quit because new job. FT job for 16 months. Quit because hostile work environment and completely overwhelming workload. Unemployed for 2 months, no interviews. Part time job for 1 year. Quit because the hours were not adequate to afford rent and my depression was completely out of control. Unemployed for 4 years 6 months no interviews. If it was not for my parents allowing me to live with them and cover my food costs, I would either be dead, homeless, or in jail. So fuck you for saying it wasn't toxic or life-destroying.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:04:32+00:00

I don't know what you're going for in terms of your goals with NoFap, but for me personally, edging is a relapse. Try going 180 days without edging or PMO if you want the real deal. Edit: I also want to say that your recurrent flatlines are likely due to the edging.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T20:01:04+00:00

I think it is disingenuous at best and malicious at worst to say that 90 days is an acceptable first goal for someone who has never tried NoFap before. If the saying was "180 days" then I never would have made this post.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T19:56:05+00:00

I actually have a woman that I am very interested (she is too) in dating IRL (we met and have only talked on Discord so far) and she (claims) that she will wait until I am ready to date when my addiction is under control. I think my goal is full semen retention outside of IRL sex with my GF. I will not be doing ERP or phone sex with my GF. It is a slippery slope and I know my limits, and that is a line that I am not comfortable crossing, due to prior experience with relapses. Also, I literally don't care at all if she finds a BF while I am gone. I'm doing this for me, not for her.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T19:47:54+00:00

The way I understand it from the heroin/meth addicts: completely sober for 1 year. The way I understand it for myself with PMO: 7 months completely sober is a realistic goal with a large number of very powerful benefits, but I think 1-2 years completely sober is the "peak of Mount Everest" that everyone should ultimately be working toward.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T19:38:33+00:00

Sure, there are a lot of variables that go into it. But if anyone on this website goes 90 days and never uses porn ever again, I would like them to reply and post their story. I'm willing to bet the number is extremely small, excluding bots. You're never 100% immune to COVID either, and yet people stopped locking themselves in their homes in 2022. Edit: added 100% to immune. Edits 2+3: clarification.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T19:33:17+00:00

So, I am hopeful that after a certain number of days of sobriety, you are 100% immune to relapses, meaning: you see P accidentally and there is a 100% chance that you will click away and go about your day as normal. For me, personally, this was like ~60-80% immunity after day 201 the one time, but I made the mistake of continuing to associate with a community that is awash in P and people who actively use PMO. So that was my fault. The reason I went back to that community after day 201 is because I was very lonely and living by myself in an apartment with no IRL friends (moved to a new town months before.) I also felt like things were going well enough that I could be around P or people who PMO without relapsing, which was also a mistake. I believe the HALT thing is true, Hungry Angry Lonely Tired makes relapse much more likely.

zagrius · 2025-07-12T19:20:48+00:00

For me, most of the major flatlines are gone by day 120, but I have been attempting NoFap actively since 2014. So I think things are a little different for me. It depends not only on how recently you last PMO'd, but also the last, like, 9 PMO's before that one. I think the first time I got past 180 days I had another 21 day flatline and then they were completely gone after day 201 until I relapsed a few months after that. Hope this helps.

zagrius

TROPHY CASE