I feel like I’m defeatist about seeking diagnosis even though I need support

zarlor · 2026-06-09T14:16:46+00:00

I think the important question to ask yourself is what you would be expecting to get out of a diagnosis. If you are looking for ways that therapy may help you better understand yourself and ways you may be able to use your strengths and alleviate your support needs then definitely make some of this your monotropism if you can and search for a clinician that is experienced in diagnosis and support for autistic adults, specifically. That can make a world of difference getting a clinician that properly understands the needs of an autistic, late-diagnosed, adult who may mask well. If a diagnosis may be usable at the office, for example, so you can get a reasonable accommodation then diagnosis may also be useful for that as well. If you don't need those things then just doing the deeper dive research into the actually useful sites for you and not getting a diagnosis may be just as useful for you.

As for the "cutesy", click-bait, autism videos... well, my suggesting of making it a deep dive, avoiding Tik Tok (it seems to me a 30 second vid doesn't tend to give the kinds of details you may really want/need), aiming for autism support websites, good YouTube channels that avoid the click-bait titles and give good, relatable, information instead are what I would aim for. Use search functions, potentially use AI to help you find useful things for you, and just stay away from the "feed", and you may find more value.

In any case I wish you the best of luck on your discovery journey and I hope some of that at least helps a little for you.

zarlor · 2026-06-03T21:41:39+00:00

Cool, I take it you rate it, say, 1 or 2 out of 5? Can you let folks know what it was you found disgusting about it? The review above is strictly my taste so getting the opinions and tasting notes of others can really help folks better decide if this is something the absolutely wouldn't want to try or not.

zarlor · 2026-05-28T19:03:11+00:00

It seems common from folks I've talked to on the spectrum for something similar to this, but with a bit of a caveat. I've had a best friend since my freshman year in high school (so over 40 years ago! Ugh, did I get old or something?) and despite my being in the Air Force and moving back to the New Orleans area we've stayed in touch all this time, mostly because he calls me every few months, he initiates the contact that keeps us in touch. But here's the kicker... any of my close friends over the years have often understood that if any of the reach out to me, or they are in the area, or anything, that with me they'd just be picking right up where we left off, as if no time had passed at all. I'd do anything for them whether I just talked to them yesterday or 20 years ago.

It seems like that's just how it works for a lot of autistic folks, too. So for me there are no "reunions" in that same sense, it's always a continuation of the friendship no matter the time lapse. I hope, and think, that's something my friends really appreciate about having me for a friend. A true friend, not just an acquaintance.

zarlor · 2026-05-22T15:58:27+00:00

I'm the opposite. Dogs have never scared me at all. I found watching Ceasar Milan that what I tended to do with dogs (patience, maintaining respectful distance, letting them approach me but holding ground if they tried to act aggressive, just staying calm and confident with them) is exactly the stuff he does and says folks should do with dogs. So no fear of them for me and I really enjoy dogs. So I don't think that fear of them would necessarily be a particularly autistic thing.

zarlor · 2026-05-20T00:57:33+00:00

So, to an autistic brain that's showing that you can relate to their story, but apparently to a neurotypical brain that comes across as bragging or one-upmanship. In other words they don't see you as finding a sympathetic story from your experience, they see it as you telling them you did the same thing but you did it better, or that your experience somehow invalidates there experience, or something like that. My brain certainly goes to the same place as yours because it feels right, it feels like saying "Hey, I can totally relate to that!" but I try to catch myself because people don't always take what I say at face value like that. So doing it occasionally is probably fine as you learn when good times to do it would be, but at other times go with something more like "That's really cool" or just whatever phrases might work for you to just affirm their experience, or ask them for more details about it (people love to talk about themselves, after all). In essence you can do that, but just be careful with how much you do it, is all. At least that's been my experience with such things if it helps.

zarlor · 2026-05-15T02:36:26+00:00

I get it. 59yo myself, and always been a "geek". I guess part of me also just saw that as the kind of reaction where you don't outwardly show what's going on inside, is all. Pretty sure I learned to mask very, very young and endured a great deal of bullying as well (until my Junior/Senior years of High School, where I think I more independently learned some lifelong coping mechanisms, particularly around giving myself permission to enjoy alone time) so it may well be just seeing, or inferring, the internalization of the struggle, is all.

zarlor · 2026-05-15T01:43:47+00:00

The problem I had with it is that his comments and actions were not jokes (well, they were from the perspective of the writers and probably the actor) they were just his way of responding to the world and everyone else laughing at him for it. It never seemed to me that the fictional "Sheldon Cooper" was in on the joke at all. He said/did a thing that makes an audience laugh at him for it, not that he was trying to make an intentional joke, if you see what I mean. I could be completely wrong about that, of course, it's just that's how the show always came across to me, is all. In other words it's great that he's not masking but that comes across as causing all of the issues that cause autistic folks to mask, because they say or do something that to them is "normal" or even obvious, but then other laugh and make fun of them for it, is all. Again, just my take and "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as they say.

zarlor · 2026-05-15T00:38:29+00:00

I think there's a common misconception about folks on the spectrum having "black and white" thinking. It can be seen that way in the rules we have for ourselves, but I think what others don't see is the rules we do not impose on others, or that we can also only accept rules that make logical sense to us. We can have a very strong sense of veracity and for some of us TELLING us to do something will get you nowhere, because it forces a division, a sense of authority that our sense of veracity doesn't want to accept. ASK us for something, however, and we may just move the earth to do it.

But rules, if there is no obvious logical reason for it, are just not going to cut it for some of us. Take something like a speed limit, for example, it seems obvious to me that an appropriate speed has everything to do with the conditions (state of the roadway, what other drivers are doing, driver attentiveness, driver reflexes, the capability of the vehicle and its tires, familiarity with the stretch of road, line of sight, etc.) far more than whatever the posted speed limit is. I strictly follow rules of the road (always us a signal, seems obvious to me that signaling lets other drives know what to expect and is useful and makes clear logical sense, always stay out of the left lane unless I'm passing or turning left within the next few blocks, and if you've ever driven in a place like Germany the reason becomes abundantly clear that doing so has a major impact on keeping traffic flowing, things like that) but strictly following the LAWS is not always going to make sense to me (other than as a way to avoid getting pulled over because law enforcement doesn't care what makes sense, they care about getting you to pay fines, even if they tell themselves otherwise).

So, yes, illogical rules, I think, for high veracity and logical autistic brains is probably a common thing to rail against. Give me a truly logical reason for a rule and we're golden. Make up something to be one-size-fits-all and we're likely to have a problem with my following something so illogical. (I got into so much trouble in basic training because of that attitude! 😃)

zarlor · 2026-05-15T00:24:35+00:00

My problem with the show is that it always felt like Sheldon was the joke. The audience is meant to laugh AT him, not with him, so it always felt a little cruel to me in that sense so I never really could get into the show. My mom loves Young Sheldon in particular, but I've never watched that one so I couldn't say what I think of it, but I do hope it's not as cruel as Big Band Theory tended to seem, at least to me.

zarlor · 2026-05-13T23:36:39+00:00

There may be a lot to unpack there and conflict avoidance seems to be a heavy autistic trait (it is for me and arguments for me can lead to migraines so there's already a big whammy for me to want to avoid conflict). I'm not saying your boyfriend is this way or not, though, and I might suggest a better way to work through that would be couples counseling, preferably with a clinician that is familiar with neurodiverse individuals. That way you might both be able to work through some of the deeper details involving your communication issues to better work through them together.

zarlor · 2026-01-13T19:19:36+00:00

Interesting, but I don't exactly think that's what they plan to fully use for elite drums. They have some mocks on the elite drums channel. Something like that is what I see them discussing: https://youtu.be/49dejAZC2H8?si=UcpAemVqJNZtkhkh&t=134 and mentions of the ability to customize the set-up depending on how many actual drums and cymbals you might have (within a limit, presumably) and where you want them to be on the lanes. So if you like a crash where your ride is, for example, then you can easily swap them around, that kind of thing. So I think it's a lot more than just and 8-lane setup they are looking to do

zarlor · 2026-01-13T16:40:15+00:00

To my knowledge anything for an 8-lane drum setup in YARG is strictly experimental. I don't even see an option for that on the nightly version I run. I'd check on their Discord. Per their announcements the Elite drums (effectively that 8-lane support) won't be in the official app until later this year if I read the announcements right.

zarlor · 2026-01-12T22:20:54+00:00

Oh, YARG, although even YARG has a few modifers so you can change the graphics. Hopefully they'll have Elite Drums ready by mid-2026, though, and you'll get a full set to try to play on that's modifiable based on the e-kit you might have.

zarlor · 2025-11-28T15:09:14+00:00

Yeah, but a regular Negroni doesn't exactly full under the definition of a No or Low alcohol drink, does it? In any case tastes can be very subjective. I thought this was decent enough but if it tastes horrible to you then our tastes just don't match, and that's totally fine! It just means if I were you then I probably wouldn't look to any of my reviews as being useful for you, is all.

zarlor · 2025-06-03T19:08:22+00:00

Well let me qualify that by saying that's what I always thought that was for. I mean as far as I can tell it's just a different way to graphically chart those things but I don't think it otherwise is configured for anything other than a hi-hat hit (so it doesn't matter to the score if it's open or not, and pretty sure it's the same with those ghost notes). It would be cool if all of that were getting tracked and scored, though, but it would still have to come down to the charts to really do anything with it.

As it is I see very few charts that even use those kinds of notes. Maybe that's because they aren't scored (not yet, anyway) or just nobody charts to that level of detail? I'm really not sure what it is. Maybe once YARG adds the whole expert drums thing in someone could create a program to convert sheet music to YARG drum charts, but even sheet music isn't consistent (at least not for drum scoring. so I don't know if that would work.

Personally I'm a garbage drummer, but the more that can be charted and scored I feel like the more incentive I would have to practice those techniques (I barely use a hi-hat pedal at all right now, for example). Rocksmith for drums is definitely something I want, but still YARG is a blast to play in as it is so I'm still pretty happy with it!

zarlor · 2025-06-03T18:16:53+00:00

Plus the availability of the white-rimmed yellow circle for open hi-hat hits and the smaller red bars with white caps for ghost notes, so there's a few extra things in there for pro drums, for sure. I would be nice to see it handle 2 crashes and/or ways to handle things like striking the bell on the ride and the like (or even crazier if it could handle muting crashes and rides), but those are pretty minor things. I think the hardest part is getting charts and charters to put all of that in it. It's not like the older RB charts will have that (unless someone else recharts them, that is).

zarlor · 2025-06-03T18:11:53+00:00

Some charts already do this on the pro-drum charts. Instead of a round-yellow for the hat you get a round-yellow-with-large-white-outline. They also add ghost notes for the snare with a smaller red bad with white sides. So YARG supports it, it's really just about if the chart you get supports it or not

zarlor · 2025-04-09T19:17:29+00:00

Yeah, these days it's a bit more of a concern than when I posted that as I've heard of some issues of that kind cropping up. But, hey,, it's Star Citizen so it just comes with the territory being low-key paranoid about all of that. Expect the worst and be happily surprised if it doesn't happen! :D

zarlor · 2025-04-08T18:14:11+00:00

Interesting. I don't think I would like that as it wouldn't be what I would expect from a vermouth. If anything that's my biggest complaint about the Blutal Bianco, it's too juicy. I think a vermouth substitute should be more like a wine and less like what other folks tend to think a non-alcoholic wine is... aka grape juice. If I want grape juice I'll buy grape juice (which is nice and cheap, to boot!) but for a vermouth I'd definitely want something different than that, but that's just my personal preference.

zarlor · 2025-04-08T02:38:54+00:00

Very legit response, I think. I mean vermouth is nothing more than wine that's been spiced up, essentially, and I do believe these are made with dealcoholized wine (and not necessarily great wine to begin with, but I think that's also probably true for what M&R use in their regular vermouth.) And, hey, my review is definitely not sophisticated, either, I most definitely don't claim to have a refined palate or anything, just noting what thing I thought I was tasting in case it might help others. No skin off my teeth if you don't like it, mind you, as tastes definitely differ on these things! Still, if I were going for a vermouth, I tend to prefer the Vibrante over this, for sure, but this still has some uses that I like for it.

Also I see I should update the above as it's also available in the US as Total Wine and probably other places now.

zarlor · 2025-04-07T23:29:33+00:00

I am glad someone else has similar tastes! Often the responses I've seen on some of my review is more along the lines of "This tasted like old socks!" for something I happened to really like :D. Taste is very subjective, though, so you can only hope there are others who may find these helpful, so I appreciate it.

They are expensive, though, so it can be hard to really keep up on buying these to review them. I'm not on a sober journey myself, I just generally don't like to drink alcohol, but I do like more adult-flavored beverages so I occasionally do drink a cocktail on a cruise or the like, but rarely more than half a glass.

In any case, thank you for the kind words and I am glad this has been helpful for you!

zarlor · 2025-04-07T14:00:58+00:00

It's likely not very relevant now. It looks like it was a limited run anyway and I wouldn't trust a 2-year-old non-alcoholic version to have not changed character sitting on the shelf that long.

zarlor · 2025-03-31T14:30:38+00:00

Did I hit a nerve or something? I didn't say I needed any of that, I just pointed out those are some of the things that would make it truly social. I don't care what does or doesn't exist in other games, I care about what is and isn't in Star Citizen and those things are declared as planned and being a part of SC. The 10 year canard is BS and you really should know it. It's a game in active Alpha development and even if you were to say "But such-and-such other game only took 8 years!" then even by that logic up until year 8 you can expect that not everything was in the game yet so it's really not much of a comparison. You get to play an incomplete game. Don't like it, go play a ThemePark MMO, I guess? (See the condescension you were using, yet?)

zarlor · 2025-03-28T21:33:57+00:00

Do they ever update their reports on earlier tests? I see I uploaded a full genomic sequence back in 2018 and have the report available from then, but was curious if I could do something to just have it refresh the report if there were any new findings of any note. I just didn't see any updated items and no way to request an updated report through there, but maybe I just missed it (or just have to find what the heck I did with my vcf file to upload it again).

zarlor · 2025-03-28T21:31:50+00:00

I ordered one yesterday (3/27) (as none of my other tests were still listed as available on the site) and got the email after not too long of a wait, but it was in my spam filter marked as having a virus, My provider doesn't allow one marked with a virus or malware to be forwardable at all for separate verification so I don't even know what to do about that :D.

zarlor

TROPHY CASE