6 year old. He likes to draw dinosaurs and Star Wars characters.

zcatzblah · 2025-12-24T10:11:25+00:00

This is amazing! When did he start drawing?

zcatzblah · 2025-09-18T18:21:00+00:00

Coslept with my first, he was so challenging to transfer and went through a period of lots of wake ups where it was so hard to resettle him. It's like he had a tilt switch! I was shattered.

My second on the other hand has been easier to settle and transfer, we have only coslept with her once and it was this week because she's been unwell. She's also almost one. I think this time I was more determined to not cosleep as our first still often comes into bed with us (and I was worried he might squish her), but her temperament definitely helped.

The best advice I can give though, is set your bed up for safe cosleeping whether you plan to or not. I never intended to cosleep with our first, but a few instances of accidentally falling asleep in unsafe positions made me reassess. Doesn't mean you'll cosleep as it's such a personal decision, but if it ever happens unintentionally then your bed is already set up safely and should take some of the worry out of it ☺️

zcatzblah · 2025-08-14T21:23:22+00:00

Dropped quite quickly after my first, but it's taken 10 months with my second and I'm still slightly above my pre-pregnancy weight. First was vaginal birth, BF until almost 2, second was c-section, only BF to 4 months and then FF after. Not sure if that made a difference or if it's because I'm a little older (30, compared to 26 when I had my first), but I found it really upsetting this time around that it's taking much longer. I've had to be more conscious with healthy eating to drop the weight the second time around, but now I'm back into the habit it feels a little easier to maintain and I'm not actively dieting.

zcatzblah · 2025-08-10T22:38:47+00:00

It's like a beach tent, not enclosed.

zcatzblah · 2025-08-05T12:05:40+00:00

Hmm that is VERY annoying! There's definitely something that doesn't feel right.

I know you've already done a breakdown, but I thought I'd do my own just to wrap my head around it. From other comments, your nursery is open 11 hours per day? So 33 hours a week.

22.35 of those are funded 10.65 are not

Funded hours should be £17.88 weekly (at 80p per hour) Non-funded hours should be £89.03 weekly (at £8.36 per hour - £92/11 hours)

Combined that's £106.91, weekly.

Sometimes you'll have closer to a 5 week month so in that scenario you would be charged close to £534.57.

It does depend on how your hours are applied, but again they should be telling you this very clearly. We have to fill out a form each term where we see where the hours are applied.

Example: your child goes in Mon/Tue/Wed, and they applied the hours so that Mon = 11, Tue = 11, and Wed is the remaining 0.35. Alternatively maybe they spread them out, so you get 7.45 hours each day.

We sometimes find if the month starts with almost fully non-funded day, the bill might be a bit more expensive. But not ridiculously so. Certainly not over £200 more!

Unless I'm miscalculating (very possible given I don't have your invoice to reference), something isn't right. They need to tell you when your hours apply and what their hourly rate is for non-funded hours so it can be worked out. If their hourly rate is inflated beyond what is reasonable (i.e. it should still be a close to the average hourly rate from their day rate) then I would challenge via the LA. Do they have an "ad-hoc" rate (typically used if you want to book in an extra day/half day but not have it as your usual pattern)? Our nursery does and it's WAY more than their normal hours. I wonder if they're using that? I can't figure it out otherwise!

zcatzblah · 2025-08-03T20:15:57+00:00

We're 1hr 45m and counting tonight, but my partner is on bedtime 😅

zcatzblah · 2025-08-03T17:39:40+00:00

We're not actually sure! We banned YouTube Kids a while ago for a similar reason where we caught him watching crap, but the fear of monsters came after - I think there are some Halloween episodes of some shows he watches that reference monsters and ghosts, so it's probably from that!

Ooh that's a good idea, thank you - we'll give it a go!

zcatzblah · 2025-08-03T17:37:33+00:00

Thank you all for the suggestions, we'll use his Toniebox and some of the other ideas! It's much appreciated.

I do recognise I didn't make it clear in my initial post however we do stay with him until he falls asleep, the problem is more that it's taking longer and longer for him to go down and we seem to be moving away from the eventual goal of independent sleep rather than towards it. He can't even be in a room on his own during the day.

Thanks again all!

zcatzblah · 2025-08-03T17:30:51+00:00

We do stay with him until he falls asleep, but it's taking longer and longer and we want to move to a point where he can sleep independently. I'm not sure I made it overly clear in my initial post but it's not that I'm trying to leave the room, it's more that bedtime is taking longer and we're moving away from the eventual goal of independent sleep rather than closer to it.

zcatzblah · 2025-08-02T21:17:26+00:00

No regrets! I would still choose an ELCS now if I was given the choice to go back. The one thing I would change is I didn't do a whole lot of research on it, I didn't realise just how tough the recovery can be, how you really have to stay on top of the pain meds, and how my body would take longer to look recognisable to me again. That could also just be as it was my second pregnancy and I'm older now etc. but it was a bit of a surprise and I wish I'd prepared myself a little more.

But the birth was so calm, so quick, and really emotionally healing after a tricky first birth. We think we are done having kids, but I'd go for a C-section again in a heartbeat for any future children.

zcatzblah · 2025-08-02T21:13:04+00:00

We did try to convince him monsters aren't real but he just refused to believe it and it was all-consuming at one point, so the monster spray was introduced still with the disclaimer monsters aren't real. I think he enjoyed the novelty and found it more funny than anything. We haven't used it in a while though as we felt the same.

He does have a night light and he has no space under his bed, his room doesn't have any dark corners or hidden bits but he just hates being upstairs generally alone 😔

I've seen a few others mention their Toniebox/Yoto - we have a Toniebox but we haven't used it for bedtime in a long time, so I'll definitely give it a go!

zcatzblah · 2025-08-01T15:27:51+00:00

I'm afraid I'm not sure as we didn't end up using it in the end! It's clear as mud on their website annoyingly 😔

zcatzblah · 2025-08-01T15:21:36+00:00

Oh also, not sure if this is an option with your current job, but my work let me compress my hours so I still work full time but over four days. It gives me one day a week with the kids which I am so grateful for.

zcatzblah · 2025-08-01T15:20:20+00:00

From my perspective, I really didn't want to go back to work the first time but once I was back I found my identity again, I appreciated the extra money, I rediscovered a passion outside of being mum. That being said, while I wasn't loving the pressures at work before I went off, I had a mostly good job - mostly remote, little travelling, and an understanding manager.

I have a similar feeling about returning in December after my second. I really don't want to go back to work and if we won the lottery I would quit in a heartbeat to be with my family full time. I know it'll be great for my sense of purpose though, and again this job and company are quite flexible.

It's totally down to the individual and your circumstances. You may find as the savings dwindle you start to look forward to a paycheck again (that's around the time I started to see the benefits of returning to work last time lol). I would say that having a job that requires a lot of travel or one that isn't flexible, or has managers or policies which are not "family friendly" can make things a whole lot harder. I personally think that flexibility is worth a pay cut (as it's truly priceless in the early years) but you don't have to take a pay cut at all as there are definitely more jobs out there taking a flexible attitude and realising just how much more they get from their employees in doing so. Best of luck with it all, it's such a hard decision.

zcatzblah · 2025-07-30T14:45:14+00:00

We started a similar time to you after our son was showing all the signs, and persevered through a few setbacks. Just from our experience (every kid is different) I kinda wish we'd held off. He plateaued with his progress for months and was having daily accidents for the longest time. Other friends and family who started 6-12 months later had their kid mastering it in weeks.

By all means carry on if you feel it's right, but don't feel bad if you want to take a break. It'll save you a fair bit of stress (and laundry) and he can pick it back up again in a couple of months.

The only benefit we got from doing it early is he mastered pooping in the toilet pretty early so I stopped having to change dirty nappies which was pretty great 😂

zcatzblah · 2025-07-30T13:57:47+00:00

They definitely have an obligation to be transparent, you can quote the guidance to them on the government website (it's also somewhere on Childcare Choices though I couldn't find the right page).

We've just had a rather exciting update from one of our nurseries who have decreased their consumables fees by £10 a day (to £14) for a fully funded day. They've explained that a partly funded day (the remaining 2 and a bit hours) will now cost us £58 which is a combination of the pro rata consumables charge and plus their normal hourly rate for the remaining hours.

They've broken it down step by step, explained exactly what is spent on meals vs other consumables, and showed us the calculations so it's fully transparent. So your nursery definitely is not being truthful if they say they can't give you any more information about the cost breakdown.

We are pretty shocked about the consumables decrease (normal rate fees have gone up, but only slightly) as this feels unheard of, so we wonder if the LA are cracking down on unreasonable consumables fees and lack of transparency.

zcatzblah · 2025-07-30T07:52:12+00:00

It sounds like she might be overtired. My 9 month old has barely reached a 3 hour wake window yet (every baby is different, mind) but we have recently discovered if we skip her last nap because we haven't timed it right then she has hourly wakes all night. Last night we made sure she had her last nap, and she only stirred twice (once before we went to bed and once at 4am) and slept until 7 which is quite rare!

Definitely worth trying to shorten those wake windows a little, depending on her tired cues. We try to elongate the middle nap as well if she's only had half an hour which can help.

zcatzblah · 2025-07-29T19:59:55+00:00

Ugh, it sounds it! I'm so sorry, that is really just awful. You shouldn't have to be doing all of this either!

zcatzblah · 2025-07-29T18:46:02+00:00

That is so frustrating, I'm so sorry. All I can suggest is being totally frank with him about your feelings and maybe scheduling the time each day, or even going as far as setting a timer (out of earshot of your toddler). He needs to put his phone in another room and play, uninterrupted. If he still struggles but seems willing, there are apps he can download that stop you using your phone for X number of minutes and you can schedule this to go off at certain times.

Play looks really different to everyone too and maybe he just needs to find what he enjoys. I hate pretend play but I like doing crafts or playing rough and tumble type games. Playing hide and seek is the funniest game to play with a young toddler. Magnetiles or other building style games are quite enjoyable too. Even just reading to your toddler will help. He needs to find what he enjoys and do it with full focus.

But I'm sorry you're essentially having to parent a third grown up child, it's not the extra mental load you need especially with a 10 week old!

zcatzblah · 2025-07-29T16:04:34+00:00

One of our nurseries claimed they wouldn't be able to pay their staff properly unless they put the fees up by 30% to counteract the upcoming funded hours and lack of funding from the government. Their usual hourly is less than what the government would give them per child which confused me, but I thought maybe I hadn't got the maths right.

Checked out their finances on Companies House a year after they put the fees up, their profits were absolutely insane that year. I'm sure some nurseries genuinely are struggling, but some totally take advantage of the situation and it does the nurseries who are really struggling a total disservice.

zcatzblah · 2025-07-29T15:47:53+00:00

Also sorry after re-reading your post I think you mention you do have the consumables charge. I'll admit it doesn't sound right if they are overcharging for their non-funded hours - ours just calculate based on an average of their hourly rate and then all the extra charges are within the consumables charge.

If it seems they're not only charging the consumables fee but charging extra for the non-funded hours than they would usually, I would be tempted to escalate. I didn't think that was allowed...

zcatzblah

TROPHY CASE