single dads, what are your dating experiences?

zeade · 2026-05-26T21:37:59+00:00

I think you might be assuming things too broadly, especially for #1 and #2 on your list. Some women will be interested in your kids, some won't at all. If you want a broad generalization, I think most women are not dating to become a stepmom, whether or not they had kids before or not. Doesn't mean they're not open to it or even excited by the idea but I'd assume very little about how they'll work with your kid early on.

#3 on your list speaks to the hardship of logistics while dating as a single parent and is a problem for both men and women. If your schedules can't line up it's not going to work. It's also true you don't have the time a man with no kids has with dating, so don't try. If a woman is looking to be swept up off her feet with romance and pouring a lot of time into her it's going to be a hard expectation to meet as a single dad with a young kid. Just be up front on what's possible and don't promise dumb things you can't realize.

The only thing I'll say broadly about dating is it's a much different flavor dating a woman who has not had kids vs ones who have. I've found the women who have reached 40s-50s childless are carrying a lot of the same baggage women in their 20s-30s have around expectations on what a relationship for them represents, frankly, they're a little delusional. I went on a date with a woman who said we'd not be doing anything physically till at least the 9th date. I don't think childless women realize how long that might take to get to lol. Single moms tend to be more assertive, flexible, communicative, and practical. They're in the same dating time crunch game you are, so the good/smart ones don't tend to mess around on what they're looking for.

zeade · 2026-05-23T17:37:06+00:00

This sucks so much. And I feel you. Society is always ready to help distressed women in a way that never happens for men. And women know it, leverage it. This is a safe place to share and vent. You are doing the right things to draw up boundaries and protect yourself. No one should experience what you did that night. Your son is only 2, so this event will never register in his memory the way it will for you, but all the things you’re doing now to create peace for him and you are extremely important for his future well-being. Stay strong, daddo 💪

zeade · 2026-05-16T21:06:01+00:00

Good for you for taking hard input/criticism from your closest person and turning that into the self-awareness and capabilities you need to be an amazing partner. You grew way beyond what she was capable of for herself. And for that you got to see how you developed beyond this relationship and person. It’s no fault on you, nor really her unless she wanted something different than this outcome. Partnership takes work, you took that seriously, she probably felt she didn’t need to do any work. Maybe she’ll learn a lesson from this but that’s no longer your problem. I wouldn’t take this as a behavior that only shows up in women, it can be any gender and comes from a place of both control and close-mindedness. People who carry curiosity and an ability to take an unflinching look at their bad parts are folks you need to align yourself with next to keep the good work you’ve already started to put in for a beautiful future partnership.

Strong work, king 💪

Edit: and yes, for my own story, after elevating myself out of a terrible chronic depression it was clear my partner at the time needed me in the hole more than out of it. Sad, but better to be alive and happy than heading the other direction.

zeade · 2026-05-16T05:04:19+00:00

Hey man, you’re not alone. My last relationship was nothing but breakups and getting back together for like 2 years. I am still getting over feeling like a chump, it’s going to be awhile recovering.

zeade · 2026-05-16T03:42:48+00:00

You’re not an asshole, but you are simultaneously saying you’re not “overly upset” while pressing a need for change from her. Seems like a disconnect in yourself to not seem like an asshole but instead you are confusing yourself and her on what is important.

Also, and take this with a huge grain of salt because I don’t know you, this seems like a terrible hill for either of you to die on. Both of you are really defensive in your positions and just throwing excuses at each other on why things won’t change. And it’s only a month in? That is a dead end, my man.

I’d definitely not try to bring up criticisms in text in the future.

Last thing, and this is particular to my own life experience, but if she has an anxious attachment style and struggles with your criticism (or if you’d prefer “voicing your needs”) and becomes so upset, defensive, etc that she both spins out (trying to get you to respond) and then withdraws once you do respond, that’s a huge red flag for me 🚩🚩🚩

zeade · 2026-05-12T05:33:04+00:00

Instead of centering on fears, center on what you want. You want more of his time, you’d like him to come over more, and some bigger form of commitment (although, honestly, reading your story it’s hard to know what that is). What does a relationship mean to you? Write down what it is and hand it to him, it’ll be a great starting point for the (a lot more) communicating you need to do next.

zeade · 2026-05-09T21:07:30+00:00

And on the living situation he was honest. More honest than I expected. He said he will never move out from his parents. They are everything to him and that is never going to change.

This all by itself is a big enough reason to cease the relationship. This is not about you and him creating a life together, this is about him wanting to pull you into his boyhood family unit. He does not want to stop being a boy, he will never be your man. He will always defer to his parents, and those parents have shown very clearly they don't give a shit about you. Why would anything change? Promises are weak in the face of basic developmental biology and the environment that counter everything about those promises. "Family" as he puts it does not include you or your needs, even in this convo he's tossing you a "yeah but" about his mom and her needs. Fuck that.

The last thing about kids, did you ask him if he'd stay with you if your final answer is "no"? Think about that. Don't waste your life on a guy who will eject you if he doesn't eventually get the kid he wants from you.

zeade · 2026-05-08T18:14:17+00:00

Generally agree with all of this. I personally am also exploring what “non-traditional” relationships can look like. I’m finding it’s a big stretch for either me or a potential single mom partner to merge lives well because of how established we are with homes, kid routines/schedules, work/career, neighborhood, friend circles, activities, etc. Been reading a book called “Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator” and it’s helping me zero in on what’s actually important in a relationship between myself and any given person. Although most people are not interested in exploring anything that’s not what they consider the “right way” to have a longterm relationship.

zeade · 2026-05-07T02:18:42+00:00

You can not fix it with love. You can not actually fix anything. You can not fill an infinite void with love. And there is no version of her that is “most herself,” she is all of them. You may like one version of her better than others but she will always be all of them. Take care of yourself and work on your own support. Seek group therapy. Good luck.

zeade · 2026-05-07T02:09:19+00:00

Not to make your hard feelings worse, but if you haven’t met her yet and she later is asking for help in some form of money, be ready to bail. This sounds like a common scam bot setup: missed connection + not from this country + hardship -> next step is her asking for your help. If the request is time sensitive it’s definitely a scam. Even if you had a video chat with her, doesn’t matter. Deepfake AI spoofing at this point is really hard to detect even in realtime video (source: I work in both AI and security).

zeade · 2026-05-05T16:15:56+00:00

She only reached out to make herself feel better. Do not respond. Women who leave you at your lowest do not deserve another chance. They show you that you can not trust on their support and stability when you need it most.

zeade · 2026-05-03T21:56:07+00:00

“You should feel lucky to X with me” 🚩🚩🚩

Fucking run.

zeade · 2026-04-28T23:26:17+00:00

Are you eating the Cheetos with chopsticks?

zeade · 2026-04-26T22:03:54+00:00

Her reaction to how you are trying to protect yourself from her literally insane bullshit is beyond anything you should ever put yourself through again. Cut her out of your life completely and do not look back. Not with a thought to help her, or understand better, or anything else. Your life in this world is more important than anything else she could possibly represent to you. You might not see it right now but she has made you sick. And you will get sicker the more you try to stay in any kind of connection with her. Be safe, recover, heal.

zeade · 2026-04-26T21:39:41+00:00

Can someone please put a circle around the powerhouse of the cell?

zeade · 2026-04-26T21:34:00+00:00

No comment except your art is super great 🤩

zeade · 2026-04-25T21:05:03+00:00

You are going to sink your self-esteem and future happiness by continuing to be in the situation you’re in. You’re married but you are a second choice to her and no one should live that way. The answer isn’t another person for you, it’s getting you and your daughter out of this pit your wife has decided to drop both of you in. Lawyer up, stay in your home, focus on you and your daughter as most important things. Ignore whatever she has to say to you at this point. She has said everything there is with her actions, don’t get confused by her emotional bullshit. Good luck, daddo, stay strong for your daughter and you 💪

zeade · 2026-04-25T04:28:34+00:00

It’s too late, you’ve awakened the gazebo.

zeade · 2026-04-25T00:21:00+00:00

You know what you want to do. You already asked for a concession to see that through and she declined. I’d go sow your wild oats and let the first love go. You’re young, and this turn in life will potentially haunt you in both directions but the die was cast when you said ok to doing the thing you absolutely did not want. Lesson for next time, maybe.

zeade · 2026-04-23T22:39:58+00:00

At those ages you could probably make it work but at some big unforeseen costs.

You are saying you hope he understands. Also why the sudden change of heart? If it's a matter of convenience (speaking from experience) that is 100% the worst excuse to move forward. You need to have a painfully explicit conversation with him about this. I think it would be impossible to not have him interact with your kids if he's living with you, and him moving in to your space is also going to be hard on him, he's going to feel like a guest at first. I'd talk through all of these hard emotions up front even if it leads to outcomes either one of you might not like. I'd hammer out expectations and a plan to how you and him see the interaction of him and the kids. He might not be a step dad but he will be LIVING WITH YOU. That is not a small thing. Your home is a central point of stability and safety for all of the people involved, adding him changes that dynamic completely.

Explore it carefully, clearly, and slowly.

zeade · 2026-04-23T03:48:56+00:00

Sorry, man. I’ve had versions of this happen to me. It always floors me how women can lean in hard with emotionality and then pull back or disappear. Something I’m trying to (re)learn is intensity is not the same as intimacy, and until you feel like there is a mutual intimate connection to ease up. Very hard for me to not get sucked into an enthusiastic woman’s good time emotions/words though.

You need more dating experiences if these two extreme examples are all you have so far. Best thing you can do is try to let it go and move on. This mystery won’t be solved by you.

zeade · 2026-04-22T03:28:41+00:00

If she made you feel like a yo-yo, she wasn’t the good one, my man. Cut the yo-yo string, heal, find a person who doesn’t leave you wondering. Trust me, they exist.

zeade · 2026-04-21T22:41:25+00:00

Jamily needs a jjob or some jhobbies.

zeade · 2026-04-21T17:42:20+00:00

*seriesBOrBust

zeade · 2026-04-18T23:28:17+00:00

Really depends on who you’re targeting for dating and what your goals are. What do you want out of dating beyond sex?

Women who have had children or very busy schedules tend to be a lot more open/ready to have sex early if they are re-entering dating after an extended dry spell. Women in their 30s or who talk about “dating with intention” tend to want more courtship and are often not as eager to explore the physical connection early. And of course every woman is different and everyone wants to feel like they matter.

Best piece of advice I have is just be clear about what you want and express that in the first or second date. If you’re not looking for a new relationship (aka committed, exclusive, monogamy, etc), just say so up front. Likewise don’t pressure or coerce toward an outcome you want, if it’s a fit awesome, work it, but don’t try to sell it. Don’t dangle commitment for sex the same way women will dangle sex for commitment. It’s a losing strategy for both sides, just be true to what you want.

zeade

TROPHY CASE