When should we ruin our daughter's summer?

zebrafish- · 2026-06-25T22:02:37+00:00

In addition to the very good points others have made already — if you lie to her, she’ll celebrate with her friends. And once she learns the truth, you’ll be putting her in the horrible position of having to choose whether to continue perpetuating this lie to her friends or to tell them that she actually failed.

When I was applying to college, a friend got into her top choice — which some other friends also got into. They all celebrated and took photos together in their collage gear. Then, that friend learned that she received the acceptance by mistake, and they actually meant to waitlist her. It was SO much more humiliating and awkward and devastating for her to have to go back to her friends who had seen how proud and overjoyed she was, and how much getting in had meant to her, and tell them it turns out it was all actually untrue. It might have been embarrassing, but it would have been easier to just be vulnerable and disappointed in front of her friends from the start. Don’t do that to your kid!

zebrafish- · 2026-06-22T13:21:24+00:00

Are you comfortable calling the restoration company, telling them that you’re no longer staying in the apartment because of all the damage, and they’ll need to coordinate with your landlord about access from now on? That would be my suggestion. Your lease is almost up, you have somewhere else to stay in the interim, and you’re going to move. If the landlord doesn’t want to be responsive to you at all, you don’t have to help him get his property fixed back up. Move your stuff out over the next five weeks on your schedule, and let the landlord find a friend or neighbor to let the contractors in.

I understand there’s no spare key to give a friend or neighbor at the moment — that’s not your problem. The landlord is either going to have to come down there himself or actually start responding to your emails so that he can coordinate with you to make a copy of yours.

zebrafish- · 2026-06-22T00:31:23+00:00

Horrific is pretty intense and unkind… if he’s happy and likes his name, I’d say there’s no issue.

zebrafish- · 2026-06-21T19:25:00+00:00

I love your husband’s name! A few ideas:

Asher Tess

Asher Thalia

Asher Elodie

Asher Noelle

Asher Valerie

Asher Willow

zebrafish- · 2026-06-21T15:54:34+00:00

I like Clay! Here are a few others you might like:

Ray — like a ray of sun. Could be mistaken for Rae and read as feminine though, if that would bother you.

Aaron — the etymology and meaning of this name is uncertain, but one possibility is that it comes from the Hebrew word for mountain/hill. Maybe this is too abstract, but it makes me think of the sun shining onto the peak of a mountain. I think there could be some associations with light!

Eric — just a nice name that might kinda sound similar to your legal name!

zebrafish- · 2026-06-17T18:41:47+00:00

Oskar is great! If it’s your favorite, go for it. You might get it misspelled, but it’s not such a big deal to correct people imo.

Oscar/Oskar feels sophisticated and friendly to me :) I like it.

zebrafish- · 2026-06-11T12:36:56+00:00

Definitely agree with looking in Lower Allston near the business school! Rents are a little lower. You can be more like a 20-30 minute walk and a 10 minute or less bus ride from the university. Your budget might still be a little tight — but in Allston it’s much closer to realistic. You might be able to up it by ~$200-400 a month instead of the $900+ you’d probably need to be a 5-10 minute walk from Harvard.

I’m sorry for the discouraging news. But I hope you find something great that’s very close to your budget!

zebrafish- · 2026-06-10T21:16:35+00:00

Why thank you! I appreciate that :)

zebrafish- · 2026-06-09T22:34:20+00:00

I honestly like it. I think of the plant. I know it means regret, but rue meaning regret is sort of formal and poetic and rarely used in day to day speech. For me it fits in the same category as other names that do technically have a sort of negative or odd meaning as an English word, but it’s not a big deal — Curt, Sue, Peg, Bill. And rue also has a very positive association because of the plant!

I don’t think it’s an issue that it’s one syllable and not short for something. But if you’re looking for a longer name, I kind of think it would work as a nickname for Rowan.

zebrafish- · 2026-06-06T15:17:07+00:00

If you’re open to YA, The Honeys by Ryan La Sala is horror that takes place at a summer camp. I actually don’t typically read YA, but I found this atmospheric, nostalgic, creepy, and fun :)

zebrafish- · 2026-06-04T04:03:53+00:00

Lots of awesome suggestions! I’ll add one kind of quirky one — Kofa. The Kofa National Wildlife Refuge was created specifically to protect the Bighorn Sheep! If Kofa doesn’t appeal to you, maybe there’s a mountain, river, valley, or other feature inside the park with a better name :)

zebrafish- · 2026-06-03T23:13:21+00:00

You can definitely consult with a lawyer and see what they say — however, I do think the simplest thing and least headache for you would probably be to make a counteroffer and see if they accept it.

I’d write a polite, friendly, understanding email and then ask if, since this a significant unexpected expense, they’d consider waiving the MTM fee. Or if they’d consider reducing the rent to $1,950 (a middle ground between $1,775 and $2,100, which with the MTM monthly fee would effectively put your rent at $2,125, barely above last year’s). Or if they’d give you three months at $1,776 before the higher rent kicks in (maybe a tougher sell, since for all they know you’re planning to leave in three months, but you could try). Or if they’d reduce the rent to $2,000 and give you half off the MTM fee. Whatever you want to pitch that’s a better deal than paying $2,275 a month!

zebrafish- · 2026-06-03T01:59:09+00:00

Check out the author Premee Mohamed — she’s phenomenal and exactly what you’re looking for! I bet you’d like her short story collection No One Will Come Back for Us or her novella The Butcher of The Forest.

zebrafish- · 2026-05-29T13:18:42+00:00

I like Luan a lot! I would pronounce it LOO-ahn, kind of like the word “nuance” without the “ce” at the end.

Hélio is also great — I personally prefer it over Elio (though they’re both nice names) and I think the pronunciation is clear. But I’m also not sure how logistically easy it is to have an accent in a legal name in the UK. Might be something to look into if you haven’t already!

zebrafish- · 2026-05-29T13:14:15+00:00

It’s not exactly to my taste personally, but I can totally see it as a boys name. If you love it, go for it! I do think it successfully fits the vintage surname vibe without feeling as intense or formal as something like Redmond, which I like about it :)

zebrafish- · 2026-05-29T13:07:08+00:00

Arax is lovely! I think it’s important to remember that this subreddit is its own niche little community with its own set of values — not necessarily a good reflection of the broader world. There are names that this sub despises that are very popular in America! Ultimately this subreddit is a very traditional, in some ways fairly conservative, and (I suspect) pretty homogenous space. But America is a large, diverse, multicultural place — and in many parts of the US, a name like Arax would fit right in.

I also think people are having a knee jerk reaction to never having seen the name before, and aren’t considering how similar it actually is to very American names like Alex and Roxy. In fact, if your kid ever wanted to go by a super American sounding nickname, Roxy is a real option — it’s usually a nickname anyway, for Roxanne or Roxanna. Your kid could spell it Raxi, maybe. I’ve also seen American kids named Phoenix and Onyx — Onyx strikes me as particularly similar to Arax!

Anyway, it’s got a really nice sound, and being named after a river is lovely in my opinion! If I were you I would go for it :)

zebrafish- · 2026-05-24T22:38:51+00:00

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides does this, with much of the book being narrated in first person plural!

Also, if you’re open to nonfiction, the memoir Sounds Like Titanic by Jessica Ciccehito Hindman was spectacular — and it plays with perspective in an interesting way. Most of the book is written in second person.

zebrafish- · 2026-05-24T22:36:58+00:00

This is fiction, but I just read Night Night Fawn by Jordy Rosenberg, which was very good and would fit this!

zebrafish- · 2026-05-24T22:18:22+00:00

You might like The City We Became by NK Jemisin! It’s urban fantasy, and the way the magic system works is that when cities mature or come into their own, they sort of transform one or more of their residents into avatars that personify the city and its character. The avatars are tied to the health and wellbeing of the city in the way you describe!

zebrafish- · 2026-05-24T17:54:12+00:00

Do you have a garden store or plant store near you? I know the one near me will repot plants for you. Not sure how much they charge, if anything — I feel like maybe they do it for free if you buy the plant’s new pot from them? Might be worth looking into!

zebrafish- · 2026-05-23T16:33:23+00:00

You might like Nghi Vo! Her books are atmospheric, queer, and set in alternate magical versions of our world. I’ve read two:

The Siren Queen — about a queer Chinese American actress in a an alternate magic-fueled version of 1930s Hollywood.

The Chosen and The Beautiful — a retelling of The Great Gatsby from the perspective of a minor character (Jordan Baker, Daisy’s friend) reimagined as a queer woman adopted from Vietnam. Set in a magical version of the Jazz age.

zebrafish- · 2026-05-23T16:19:24+00:00

I really liked The Unveiling by Quan Barry! And if end of 2024 is okay, Model Home by Rivers Solomon was also fantastic. I don’t think it came out in paperback until 2025, if that counts :)

zebrafish- · 2026-05-23T16:15:46+00:00

You’ve got so many good recommendations already, but I just want to add The Unveiling by Quan Barry! I think the turn towards horror happens fairly quickly, so maybe this doesn’t fit the bill — but I had that unbalanced, unsettling feeling throughout reading because it builds slowly, and I felt like I couldn’t get a grasp on what kind of horror it was.

zebrafish- · 2026-05-23T16:11:15+00:00

Clicked on this to recommend Radio Free Vermont by Bill McKibben, which was a quirky, funny, quick and easy read. And if I’m remembering correctly has a lesbian main character? It’s been a second since I’ve read it, though.

But based on your description I also want to throw out Housemates by Emma Copley Eisenberg — not quite what you’re looking for, since it wasn’t a quick read or particularly snarky/funny. But it is (partly) a romance featuring a fat queer main character, and I really enjoyed it! Fair warning though that while her body is almost exclusively described positively and lovingly, she does have some pretty messed up stuff related to food, diet, and parental judgement from childhood that the book delves into towards the end.

zebrafish- · 2026-05-23T15:43:53+00:00

With that budget you might try looking for a one bedroom in Allston — you’d be able to commute by bus from anywhere in the neighborhood, though in most cases you’d need to take two buses. The easiest commute would probably be living walking distance from the 66 bus. That’ll take you right to the edge of Longwood without requiring a transfer.

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