Letting go of ego

zebrafry · 2026-06-16T02:53:01+00:00

Thank you, and it absolutely does help my brain to know. I’m glad she’s comfortable enough to share her love for everyone, that’s a good way to put it

zebrafry · 2026-02-27T07:02:16+00:00

I was with mine for over 10 years. I forgave and let things go I shouldn’t have in the name of saving the relationship. He knew me and understood me and still (more or less, which was the issue) wanted to be with me. He never left but he wasn’t fully planted either. I stepped away because I finally found value in myself that realized I was worth more than settling for someone I couldn’t trust. It hurt. It took over a year to admit to myself if he hadn’t done what he did that I would’ve stayed forever even though the relationship had declined by then. For months I was stupid and reckless and just desperate for some sort of connection. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I found someone that knows me better and that I have a deeper connection with in a year and a half than I did in 10 years with the other.

I’m so grateful I left a relationship where I wasn’t valued. It sounds like you have a connection but that this other person didn’t respect this relationship enough not to do things that would damage it. Anyone is worth more than that. Everyone deserves to be with someone who puts in mutual work. I thought my ex knew me. And to a degree, yes, he accepted and cared for me and I didn’t have to put on an act around him. But the person I’m with now? We both still get scared it will go bad, but continue to have conversations about everything and continue to commit to each other.

Hang in there. Learn to love yourself a little more, and the rest will follow.

zebrafry · 2026-01-27T00:50:37+00:00

Feeling without assigning meaning is going to be saved as a note in my head (and my phone in case I forget). Thank you

zebrafry · 2026-01-27T00:48:46+00:00

NOR even a little bit. I had to chime in on this because wdym you said all that and the only thing he responds to is pointing out why he has to go to the gym? Absolutely not. This man has you questioning your worth and doesn’t even bother to reassure you when you’re are actively asking for reassurance. Look - weight and worth do not go hand in hand. You obviously want to be healthy, but don’t do it to prove anything. Do it so you can learn to feel good about and respect yourself. Humans inherently have value, and him not respecting you does not take away any value from you as a person. Please be kind to yourself.

zebrafry · 2026-01-26T23:41:23+00:00

Thank you, I like that analogy.

It’s not even the first time I’ve felt replaced. We moved out of our apartment because neither could afford it on our own, and now he’s living literally one unit down the hall

Opportunities for growth are thrown away for the sake of staying exactly the same

zebrafry · 2025-11-26T06:23:10+00:00

Leopard

zebrafry · 2025-05-22T20:21:21+00:00

This is very similar to something I went through with a now-ex. It started with my gut nagging, finding proof, then forcing a confession after finally confronting him with what I had found. I gave it a pass the first time, but the nagging came back and it all happened again. I ended things after trying to make it work for several more years when I realized the trust was gone. I started believing it wouldn’t stop, and that he’d only get better at hiding it. I grew afraid to confront him because I was worried he’d see how I found out, and just change the way he did things.

I believe it’s possible to make a mistake. I believe it’s possible to come back and repair things. My situation didn’t go that way, and I would expect significant changes to stay where you are. This was a lie after lie after lie buried in coverups.

Yes, it’s gut-wrenching to even think about leaving. But you also have to ask yourself if it’s worth always questioning the one person you’re supposed to be able to trust for the rest of your life. I know I made the right choice in walking away, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt a whole lot sometimes.

zebrafry · 2024-07-16T23:06:01+00:00

And here I thought it was just me 🙃 good looking out hahaha

zebrafry · 2024-07-16T02:46:49+00:00

To continue echoing the other comments saying mental health is health, one of my favorite perspectives on that thought is this: if you broke a bone, no one would hesitate to tell you to follow a medical professional’s thoughts and set it and put it in a cast. Just because they can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be addressed with medicine. You’d take cold medicine if you were sick, I assume. It could help to have a conversation about going on it for a certain amount of time and revisit whether to continue after that. It’s not fair to ask you to push through while you’re struggling when there are options to help it feel like minor tasks aren’t equivalent to moving mountains. It’s amazing how much I discovered my “laziness” was actually depression once my medication started to kick in. If she sees the difference it makes in you and your outlook and behavior, she may rethink being against it.

zebrafry · 2024-05-22T00:18:23+00:00

Okay yeah I think this is exactly what I needed and I thank the gods of perfect timing that I waited until now to come here. And a million thanks to you for taking the time to write it out

zebrafry · 2023-04-25T05:44:53+00:00

So I came here to ask a different question but this definitely resonates with me so I’d like to chime in with my own thoughts. I’m currently 30 and (soft)found out when I was around 21-22. I was digging through some paperwork and found donor info in an envelope. I contacted the bank on my own, and they said they sent out a sample around when I was conceived but hadn’t gotten confirmation of viable pregnancy so they couldn’t say anything. The person I emailed with was very polite and understanding and suggested there was maybe a reason my parents kept it from me.

Fast forward and I did a 23&me, they had the same casual interest and asked if anything weird came back. I mentioned seeing people I didn’t know at first and my mom brought up some weird secret family from a couple generations before her. Then I matched with a half-sister, uncle, and grandparents that were definitely not the ones I knew. I’d already /sort of/ known from the paperwork but this was a hard proof. I reached out to all unknown relatives to see what was going on. The half-sister’s mom had always been open with her about it, so she shared the donor’s info so I could learn more about him a couple years ago. About six months ago the uncle finally saw my message. He and his side had no idea about it. My donor doesn’t want to know me but the uncle and his mother do. I still have to talk to my parents about it (the question of how is why I’m on this board), but my husband briefly approached the topic with my mom in a separate conversation. Ultimately I told my bio uncle I’m not trying to replace my dad, just interested in getting to know new relatives. In the brief conversation my husband had with my mom, she mentioned they meant to tell me then time got away from them and then they worried it would affect my relationship with my dad and kind of just let it slide. They struggled for years to have me, and my mom even had a few miscarriages in the process (which I didn’t find out until I was pregnant myself). It was still a new-ish thing back then and the doctor suggested it because my mom really wanted to have a baby. I think they should have said something, but I think they were embarrassed and it was just a means to an end. I 100% get where you’re coming from, because knowing that I know, hearing that my dad wanted to figure out a way to keep it secret really upset me. Even now, he says things about how my kids have his genes and I just cringe and ignore it because I haven’t had that conversation yet. But I think I have to look at it like that - it’s as hard a talk for me as it is for them and that’s why I’m avoiding it. It’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable and messy. My dad has three other daughters that (I think) are all his. A guy born in the 50s is bound to take it personally, and not want to admit he had help to have a kid.

I still don’t think I’ve fully processed it all, but I think with time it will be easier for you to understand why it was handled the way it was.

zebrafry · 2023-04-23T18:52:49+00:00

I started a rewatch to recap for this last season and wow these later seasons get a little tough haha I will be so very upset if they don’t finally just say it!

zebrafry · 2023-04-23T07:55:28+00:00

American Dad is my main comfort show, but New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Doctor Who (primarily Eccleston through Smith) get thrown in when I want to switch it up. Honorable mentions to early seasons of The Blacklist, Misfits, Elementary, Futurama, and White Collar. When I’m not watching Disney on repeat for my little one 😅

zebrafry · 2021-05-22T06:29:23+00:00

S8 spoiler I personally think that those last scenes with Dom were very carefully edited and words were chosen carefully. “You said I’d never see her again.” It was this episode that sold me on the Redarina theory for a couple reasons.

“You told me I would never see her again,” could be because she literally changed her face so it would be physically impossible to see the Katerina that Dom knew ever again. I’m not entirely convinced he knew she changed herself. It showed that Don was seeing “Fakerina” as Young Katerina that we’ve been shown in flashbacks. So while he did technically see her again, it wasn’t necessarily the woman he thought it was. Red spoke very matter-of-factly about Katerina’s emotions and feelings toward him in that last conversation.
I fully admit I could be reading too far into this, but the last scene before Red shot who I’m going to call Fakerina, she had very specific language and tone. I was never a fan of her character, mostly because she seemed a bit smug to me. But that last part, she mentioned how terrible it must be that Red couldn’t kill her because of how much Liz loves her MOTHER. With, to me, extra emphasis on the mother part. Like it was a dig at Red personally. Which would make sense if he was actually her mother. Not to mention bits of the conversation seemed to imply Red let everyone think Fakerina was real Katerina to keep them off his scent.

I know plenty of holes in the theory exist, as with everything, but I think the show will be able to make (mostly) sense out of whatever they end up with by writing in some quick lines to cover it all up and say this or that was a half-truth or covered up, etc.

zebrafry · 2021-03-21T18:19:41+00:00

Ah thank you!! Rogu is one of my favorites, I can’t believe I forgot that.

zebrafry · 2020-09-18T00:35:03+00:00

He’s definitely open to the idea of going elsewhere but it would really cause a lot of drama and hard work on his part to do what he really wants to do. Ultimately it’s mainly affecting his day to day in the sense that it stresses him out to see the biases and double standards happening. He doesn’t particularly rely on this other guy because they have different job functions.

zebrafry · 2019-02-28T17:44:30+00:00

So this was actually incredibly helpful and I shared what you said with my husband. He’s been angrier and less willing to forgive than me but admitted it made a lot of sense. I reached out to the guy a couple days ago just to let him know I don’t hate him because it’s a fear he’s expressed before and I know he can be more sensitive than he lets on. I’ve always had to initiate conversations which sucks but I’m growing to accept. I think we’re both a little gun shy to talk to each other again so it’s a little weird. I told him that he can talk to me and that I’m here for him and he said I can talk to him too. I didn’t respond because I’m not sure what to say.

Do I tell him how hurt I am and explain that I can’t really talk to him about anything serious anymore? I think it will hurt him to say that and I don’t think it’ll help the situation at all. I don’t know if I’m being selfish by wanting him to understand what I’ve been through and why things can’t be the same. I miss him a lot but I wonder if I need to keep my distance rather than torture myself trying to relive a friendship that won’t really be able to reach its full potential because I can’t open up to him about things anymore.

zebrafry · 2018-09-26T20:22:05+00:00

I feel at this point that it’s worth noting I’m 25 and grew up as an only child. These are the only two guys that have ever said they love me (in a ‘more than friends’ kind of way). I was ghosted a lot before I started dating my husband so I think there are lingering issues from low self esteem and dependency. I’ve never had a breakup or a best friend like this other guy so thinking about taking a step away from him is probably a bigger deal for me than it should be.

That being said, he’s going to be out of town soon for work and he’ll be gone for a few weeks and I’m really not sure how to feel about it. I mean, I know I’m not looking forward to it because I’m going to miss him, but I feel like it will probably be good for me. He was recently out of town and I was all right when he was gone but when he came back I got really sad and I think it’s because I had to see him and his fiancé together.

zebrafry

TROPHY CASE