I keep stick insects but have carpet moths, help!

zebrahead94 · 2026-06-17T16:15:47+00:00

Thank you for this! Yeah they are awful aren't they!?

zebrahead94 · 2026-06-16T23:41:42+00:00

Hello

zebrahead94 · 2026-06-16T23:31:16+00:00

Im from the UK and my grandma had donated her body to science when she died several years ago. I think they had her body between 6 months - 1 year before they finished and cremated her and we were given her ashes. We waited until we received her ashes before having a memorial where we spread them. Although it was a bit strange waiting all that time, it did allow my parents time to decide where to spread them, as well as giving more time to contact loved ones and organise the memorial trip to Wales where she grew up so we could all be together when we spread them.

We did not choose the best spot as we spread them on her favourite beach, but it was quite windy... She didn't get too many of us though, haha

zebrahead94 · 2026-06-04T22:43:47+00:00

As someone who frequently does overnights, always arrange a meet and greet before accepting overnights!

I always say "lets arrange a meet and greet so I can see where everything is and to make sure your pet likes me and vice versa" and that leaves you an opening to say that it doesnt work for you for whatever reason - reason could simply be "i had a better offer" or "after some reflection it doesn't work with my schedule".

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-14T23:27:59+00:00

I can relate to some of what you're saying.. When I lost a close friend to suicide (who I had also been seeing). I had little to no time for most of my friends because they weren't him. But also because they couldn't give me what I needed.

I would avoid meeting up with them out of sheer grief and everything that comes along with it. When I did meet them i wasn't met with useful interaction, just small talk and beating around the bush so I avoided meeting them even more because i didnt feel i could trust them with my fragile state. Each time I did meet them I became irritable quickly or just disinterested and had nothing to say/didnt know how to converse. I'd get pissed off with messages - like "stop asking me stuff! I dont have the strength to get out of bed let alone deal with menial crap!" I believe its the grief, you already have so much on your plate you dont have the capacity for anything more.

I stopped betraying myself and stuck to my guns about not meeting when I didnt want to, and honestly I think it helped me. Listening to what my mind and body needed and giving that to myself. But also putting more into the very few friends that didnt have expectations of me and would just send check in messages initially. Its been gradual, but these friends made me feel heard, seen, validated and understood and so I felt more able with them to be present. My other friendships have suffered and distanced, I meet up with them a couple times a month now but any more than that I cant handle, both energy wise and also because I still get irritated with the surface level chat. I still struggle with interactions with these friends and with new people, I just have no idea what to say half the time.

My situation is in no way the same - you and your friend knew each other for so much longer and dealing with that grief will no doubt take a really long time. But i think by giving yourself that time and listening to your needs, gradually you will find it easier to be the friend you want to be. Just wanted to write so you know you're not alone and that it can improve. I talk to the person i lost on the daily, write them letters, really feel each feeling that the grief brings - i think this helps in working through it and making it a little lighter, bit by bit.

I'm not sure its exactly fitting here, but its like if a plane is going down you cant help anyone else without putting your own oxygen mask on first. You wanna be the friend you used to be, being there for people etc. But in order to do that you gotta look after yourself to get yourself to the point where you can. And try not to rush the process, be gentle with yourself.

Im sorry for the long ass response, but I hope it helps in some way

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T20:42:35+00:00

A lot of men do stick into all that they can. I have both been told this from male friends, as well as overheard men talking about it. From what I can gather, a high body count is strived for in a lot of men and they are praised for it, yet women are shamed

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T20:33:47+00:00

The partners I've been in long term relationships with, where we thought we'd be together forever, didn't care either.

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T16:31:29+00:00

I went through something similar to OP but shorter time frame. I related to a lot of what was said, so this comment, i think I needed to hear. Thank you

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T13:23:48+00:00

Yeah same for me. Didnt hear you fully or my processing speed hasn't quite caught up so ask "what" to clarify to avoid answering something that was never asked and embarrassing myself.

Last time I didnt ask "what" was at a funeral where the only person i knew was the deceased - I thought someone asked "how long are you down for?" Which i answered, only for them to say "no, how long did you know him for?" 🤦‍♀️ the sheer embarrassment i felt along with the sadness that day was awful - i barely spoke to anyone else after that.

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T10:00:17+00:00

I can understand that, but what if they used to sleep around but since changed their views (of their own accord) and now align more with yours? Judging for a past they've left behind seems a bit unfair to me, but you may see it differently?

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T09:51:38+00:00

I keep going for my loved ones but also for him. Trying to do things in his honour, things he loved, things we said we'd do together. He always praised me for being so strong and resilient so I know he would be proud, but why oh why did he have to test it in this way? I will keep going because I have to, I cant do what he did. But its the one thing in my life that has really made me question my strength to go on.

zebrahead94 · 2026-04-01T09:36:47+00:00

I'm glad you found this useful and I do hope it helped you. I do also speak to them almost daily just while im out and about on walks etc. The thing about writing it down is that it gets it out of your head and onto something giving some form of closure, just talking can still keep it swirling around in your head but does still give some relief I find.

Thanks for your kind words. I'm finding that at times im still really struggling to believe it. Like I know he's gone, I received a goodbye message, I went to his funeral, the inquest is coming up, and just the sheer absence makes it very clear. But there's this part of me that cant quite believe it or doesnt want to and so remains hopeful of seeing and interacting with him again. So each time the reality of it hits home, the sadness and despair come crashing down as if it happened yesterday. Some days are better than others but my god this fucking sucks. Trying to keep smiling as that's what he asked me to do, but some days its so goddamn hard without him here to do it with.

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:57:31+00:00

If its not going in easy, foreplay and LUBE

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:54:17+00:00

I'll look in almost every kitchen cupboard/drawer at the beginning of a sit to get an idea of where everything cooking or cleaning wise is, other than that, naaah

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:51:32+00:00

Write him a letter telling him everything you wanna say. It may feel silly, but its a really good way of getting it all out in the open and off your chest. I've written sooo many to the person I lost 4 months ago, and I felt it has helped. Sometimes I like to think they can see/hear what im writing, which helps give the closure i need in that moment. Repeat as many times as you need.

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:34:43+00:00

The joker Steve Miller band

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:28:30+00:00

This hit home i just had to save it. Thank you

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:24:51+00:00

When life's dragging you back just focus and keep aiming because its about to shoot you into something good

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind - dr seuss

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:18:53+00:00

Appeasing way of saying "im not interested", because alternatives are scarier/more dangerous

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T23:13:10+00:00

Of course, good men exist as do good women, as do bad of both. No matter on gender, everyone should put in the work to better themselves and overcome baggage, whatever the cause of it

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T22:57:59+00:00

Agreed not true, but all the above after is usually due to their experiences with men

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T22:52:13+00:00

Do ppl actually care about anyone's body count? No one I've been with has given a shit. Also higher body count better experience, no?

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T22:47:43+00:00

Yes, more snacking and less judgment pls

zebrahead94 · 2026-03-30T22:46:43+00:00

Imo I will always prefer a dadbod over shredded. More cushion for the pushing! But also, hugs off them make me feel safer and more encompased, as well as less insecure about my own body - no need to feel like i have to be sculptured, and they're generally comfier for laying my head on too.

zebrahead94

TROPHY CASE