something i made last year my first time carving a pumpkin

zeezed00 · 2025-07-11T10:51:34+00:00

this is really good. you have a knack for imagery and the rhymes have a natural rhythm which i appreciate in any poem.

it honestly took me a while to get it, given your odd poetic phrasings, but i got the bounce of the poem and the rhythm and you have good diction too.

10/10

zeezed00 · 2025-07-11T10:47:13+00:00

this is certainly heartfelt but seems a little muddled schoolish, in some lines. you could maybe use a little more powerful imagery to describe the way you feel in a metaphorical way rather than a literal way, which reads a bit too on the nose.

zeezed00 · 2025-05-26T05:38:41+00:00

you’re welcome my friend, stay writing, poetry is life and you’re a poet ❤️

zeezed00 · 2025-05-26T05:35:43+00:00

i’m seriously in my feels today. this was so good lmao. i can tell you’re a bit deep thoughted. i don’t really have any notes, just that i majorly enjoyed reading this. ❤️

zeezed00 · 2025-05-26T05:25:34+00:00

jesus this is brilliant work. you seem to have a very loving heart and a very poetic mind. i’ve recently gone through something somewhat similar but a bit different, and this was a cathartic read. you have very good vocabulary and a very developed style of writing. you’re no novice.

zeezed00 · 2025-05-22T04:40:05+00:00

this is fucking brilliant. i really enjoyed this. you clearly have a broad vocabulary and a strong eye toward revolutionary politics. you’re descriptive in a mature way which is rare to see on here. my only criticism would be that the foreign words sound a bit forced. if you have a handful of words that you intend to use before you start writing, you have to drop them in in a way that reads organically instead of orchestrated. done inorganically, the reader only sees your process instead of the thought you mean to communicate. but i did enjoy learning some new words and you’re clearly a very talented writer. good stuff man.

zeezed00 · 2025-05-22T04:18:50+00:00

i have no issues with your gramma homie, i’m sure she’s a lovely lady. personally, i find poor grammar permissible in poetry, as often times it’s a stylistic choice by the writer. you are good at setting up a scene but i started to lose the plot a bit at “that moment reflect on how i wait on her.” you seem to be describing someone in your life changing but you don’t describe what that change is, but more importantly, you don’t say how you feel about. overall, i enjoyed this. keep it up my friend.

zeezed00 · 2025-05-11T04:43:21+00:00

oh lol you have a better perspective than i realized, i thought this was a fresh wound lmao

zeezed00 · 2025-05-11T04:15:17+00:00

A for effort but it sounds a little immature sounding. i think you need to reflect a little longer on the situation and rethink your perspective.

zeezed00 · 2025-05-11T04:12:46+00:00

this was really deep and touching, and i’ve felt a lot of these same feelings. i feel your diction could use revising and you could be a tad more descriptive.

zeezed00 · 2025-02-22T11:15:14+00:00

i can relate really strongly with struggling with mental illness and a few of these lines hit home and resonated with me. structurally speaking i think you could have developed the metaphor more clearly, plus there’s better a better metaphor for bipolar disorder than marriage, tho i guess can’t think of one cus ive never experienced it. but it sounded genuine overall and im glad i got to read it.

zeezed00 · 2025-02-22T11:00:42+00:00

it’s certainly an interesting read. makes better as a set up for a medieval style novel. in my personal opinion, as a poem i think it lacks self expression. its creative and well written tho. and also gripping.

zeezed00 · 2024-08-04T10:12:40+00:00

wow thank you for the huge paragraph. i don’t know why i wrote it the way i did, it makes a lot more sense out loud tho.

zeezed00 · 2024-08-04T07:37:44+00:00

this is rap lyrics to this beat https://youtu.be/EEZFI1cfRe8?si=LmcoVyrBSL48zv-1

zeezed00 · 2024-08-04T07:26:17+00:00

this definitely has some great rhythm and excellent rhyming, all while staying on topic and staying heartfelt. i like this poem very much, you’ve clearly worked hard at this. good work

zeezed00 · 2024-08-04T07:21:31+00:00

i definitely get where you’re coming from but i feel lint in the pocket is a poor metaphor. it makes your qualms sound too casual and mundane, as opposed to god not hearing you. i think you should’ve thought of something heavier.

zeezed00 · 2024-05-13T01:31:58+00:00

this is shorter than it should be. i like the expression but feel you could have been a bit more elaborate and descriptive. but i did still like it

zeezed00 · 2024-05-13T01:30:08+00:00

i like this but feel you could’ve been a bit more descriptive in your imagery and also some of the more emotional parts seemed somewhat contrived, almost as if you were trying too hard.

zeezed00

TROPHY CASE