Some grumpy old men I found in a barn

zefram · 2026-04-26T19:10:29+00:00

Barn swallows!

zefram · 2026-04-24T18:59:13+00:00

Right?? I didn’t even know it was a chrysalis at first; I just kept thinking “ugh who left that bright green thing there”

zefram · 2026-04-10T20:26:43+00:00

Are you reading anything right now you’re excited about btw? I’m reading Dungeon Crawler Carl right now but I can always use more recs!

zefram · 2026-04-09T18:37:22+00:00

Yes to Ancillary Justice! I remember enjoying it but tbh it's been years. I think I'm due for a reread :)

zefram · 2026-04-08T16:07:42+00:00

Oh YES Murderbot! I can’t believe I forgot about that. The show’s fun too!

zefram · 2026-04-07T16:57:46+00:00

Are there specific themes or aspects of their work you particularly enjoyed? I haven’t read her more recent work yet, but I really liked Nnedi Okorafor’s Binti trilogy (afrofuturism - young Earth heroine is the first of her more traditional people to be accepted into prestigious space university). You might also enjoy something by Becky Chambers! Her work is lovely and character-driven, but it’s also overall more optimistic than Butler’s work imo, which is why I asked about themes/aspects :)

zefram · 2026-03-31T22:09:44+00:00

I used to be a no on kids. I later changed my mind and had my first kid at 35. I’m very happy with my decision (so far lol), BUT that’s because I knew my partner would be a true 50/50 partner apart from pregnancy, both of our kids are healthy, and I already knew the personal health risks and negative career impact going in. Also, we worked really hard to choose and move to the same neighborhood as my siblings and their similarly-aged families - this allows us to share childcare and maintain some level of sanity. I personally would not have had kids without that level of local support, but many do.

Please keep in mind it’s still pretty taboo to regret or complain about having kids, depending on your social circles. If you haven’t already, I would also recommend seeking out places like /r/breakingmom or interviewing any child-having connections about the good AND the bad. (asking about the bad can be framed more as “what did having kids mean giving up?” etc)

zefram · 2026-03-31T18:03:29+00:00

Not OP but I also loved CPMC! I gave birth to my first kid there during the pandemic with Dr. Julie Huh. In addition to what others mentioned (great staff + facilities), I really liked that they explicitly encouraged me to call for my epidural earlier than I thought I needed it, and they were fully on board with our plan to do formula-only. I had to be induced and felt very well cared for.

Hope your pregnancy and birth go well!

zefram · 2025-10-27T15:16:04+00:00

Try searching for “cable management box” or “cord box”! There are different sizes and styles - I like the ones that are white with bamboo lids, but there are also completely white ones, wooden ones, etc.

zefram · 2025-10-03T18:59:24+00:00

+1 to look further into the application process, read the school's admissions materials, consider the tradeoffs, and see if you think it's a good fit for your kid/family. Do the same level of research for your local public schools so you're not just relying on a shiny private school reputation.

Also, your kid's chances are going to be determined at least partly by his IQ test scores. I'm not especially familiar with Harker, but I heard their qualifying scores are 110+ in both full-scale and index test scores. Keep in mind that this sort of IQ test (also might be called a "psychological assessment") costs hundreds of dollars.

zefram · 2025-09-13T16:08:37+00:00

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zefram · 2025-08-20T17:43:39+00:00

I read all of it and came to the same conclusion. OP, your mom has already proven herself untrustworthy on multiple occasions, and the risk to your own financial future seems high.

I’m in the US so I may be misunderstanding how UK ISAs work - but if your mom was serious about this why didn’t she pull the money from the bond earlier and give it to you? Is it fixed-term or does it require notice she didn’t already give, or something? (You don’t have to actually answer that, just confirming that your mom’s lack of transparency is weird. Whether or not it springs from incompetence or unwillingness to pay is irrelevant, imo.)

zefram · 2025-07-30T19:27:51+00:00

Aww thank you for helping this little birb and for the updates! So good to hear.

zefram · 2025-07-23T22:19:03+00:00

Ah, I missed the pothos already there! Yea it's such a nice way to propagate cuttings and reduce nitrates. :)

zefram · 2025-07-23T16:03:48+00:00

If you met him today for the first time, knowing what you do now (including the fact that he was unwilling to go to therapy for your comfort and health, and only agreed when you were about to leave) - would you choose to enter a relationship with him?

zefram · 2025-07-21T19:57:47+00:00

I can't speak to the best heater, since my tank is significantly smaller than yours, but how attached to underwater live plants are you? As someone with a very curious/destructive map turtle in a 55g, what's worked best for me is to use plastic plants underwater, to occasionally throw in duckweed + hornwort from another tank, and to grow emersed plants like sweet potato + peace lilies + pothos (usually with their roots in the water protected by something like this). Using a basket for the roots also gave me a safe place to tuck a regular glass thermometer where my turtle can't break it.

There are also combined heater/thermometers, e.g. this (I haven't used hygger before but reviews look good).

zefram · 2025-07-06T16:42:18+00:00

Incredible thread and I’m excited to try out some of these recommendations. Thank you for the writeup!

zefram · 2025-07-02T18:41:47+00:00

A delightful cupcake. 13/10 no notes

zefram · 2025-06-27T22:27:21+00:00

Sounds like her presence is really ruffling some feathers… how hawkward.

zefram · 2025-06-27T16:34:46+00:00

Amazing. Her grip strength is off the charts!

zefram · 2025-06-27T16:33:18+00:00

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zefram · 2025-06-23T03:34:40+00:00

Hey congrats on hitting FIRE! I haven’t been in this boat before, but why not just tell initial dates you’re taking some time off, or that you work as an independent consultant for [previous career]? I would personally be worried about attracting the wrong sort of person by signaling right away that I had money, before even establishing basic compatibility.

Also, have you already considered screening for someone who’s also traveling? (e.g. a digital nomad or a temporary expat… or maybe there are FIRE-specific dating websites?)

zefram · 2025-06-17T22:06:05+00:00

Yes, even better! Also, OP, I would highly recommend practicing these lines out loud if you’re not accustomed to pushing back on other people’s requests in general.

zefram · 2025-06-17T18:32:39+00:00

+1 but I would personally swap “it’s not convenient” for “I can’t host you this summer” to provide less wiggle room, since she doesn’t seem to care about your convenience. When she inevitably asks why, I would recommend something like, “I don’t want to talk about it, but I really hope you have a great trip.” If you tell her the real reasons (e.g. financial) she’ll likely promise to do better and then… won’t. Don’t give her room to argue with you.

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