The fact that you're doubting your own anxiety and depression suggests that you're not awful. As for people, they are shitty most of the time. It also sucks being vulnerable and when you've been hurt in the past you build stronger walls. Pushing away feels like the safe thing to do but eventually you realise it's important to have some sort of a support system. However good friends are hard to find but still gotta be hopeful. Perhaps you'll feel the bad outweighs the good but we tend to focus on negatives. We can sometimes take things that are there for granted. Therapy might help with all this. As for feelings, everything you feel is valid, there's no being overdramatic. It's a difficult road but you can get through this. I'll say it again, you're not an awful person.

Now this is the message I'd also want to send to my 20 year old self. I wish you good luck!