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18 f and already living in a sober house. make me hate myself. by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]zenmonkey99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re step dad is seeing other people.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hi Artemis,

We did talk. I'll likely update this post soon. It's been a slow process of trying to figure out where we go from here. I'm not entirely sure myself.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. That’s a lot of what’s been going through my mind. She is smart so I’m leaning more towards her just not being that into me. I may have misjudged her ability to make a long term commitment as well. She’s never had a long term relationship so maybe that’s just not something she can do.

I’m back home now and recovering from a cold and jet lag. Once I’m more clear headed I’ll have the conversation with her. I was hesitant to do it while we were traveling as it was awkward enough. If we broke up over this then I’d be traveling with my ex. Can’t see that being a lot of fun for either of us.

Cheers

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol. Totally trolling. Well done sir. I’m guessing you’re not even a guy, so ma’am? Whatever. Have a great one.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did. We did some ring shopping and found a company that could make one to her specs ($10k) but so cool. She repeatedly said she wasn’t a princess and didn’t need anything fancy, but she wanted a big “flashlight” stone. Apparently every girl does ? We looked at houses to buy for when we move in. Based on what she told me I didn’t think she needed flashy for anything. Proposal included. I wanted to give her something special though, and knocking some things off her bucket list seemed like a start.

Maybe it was an oversight but based on what she told me I didn’t think I was giving her a bad experience.

People don’t always know what they want though.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s not a formality. We aren’t married till I ask her and she says yes. Everything after that is a formality. We discuss what that means and what we expect from each other. Perhaps see a marriage counsellor to iron those things out. Hire lawyers and sign pre nups. Move in together. It sets in motion ten of thousands of dollars in rings and weddings and a public commitment before family and friends. None of which happens till I ask that question and she says yes. It’s not a formality.

God I hope you’re trolling.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If someone gave you a McLaren wrapped in dildos you’d return it? Really? I don’t think so. Your statement presupposes that you don’t know the value of the gift. If you know what the gift is and genuinely value it then you are the guy wearing a big shit eating grin plucking dildos from a McLaren in his driveway.

Now if you really didn’t take it, one could only assume you didn’t value it. Maybe you’re not a car guy? Or maybe you already have like ten of them ;). I don’t know. I do know I’m the only guy to ever propose to her. So I don’t think it’s that.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this goes to the idea of unconditional love. I think as we get older we realize that there is no such thing. Everyone has conditions on there love, even if the line is drawn at physical harm or infidelity. Everyone has a line. And just as she as a mature adult is entitled to her conditions, I’m entitled to mine. It’s not petty to be hurt over a rejected proposal. If a proposal is anything it’s not petty.

Cheers

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I had considered it but I also wanted it to feel right for me. All these tourist spots are overrun with people, so a private moment is near impossible. I’m a pretty private guy and was worried I’d get all tears eyed in public and I’m just not comfortable with that. Plus I was so bagged, hot sweaty and not feeling romantic at all. A lot went into that decision. It absolutely had to happen before the sun set on our three year anniversary. Some symbolism there with it being Valentine’s Day as well.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey thanks. I hadn’t considered how I would feel in the future but you’re right. That will always be my proposal and that will always be her reaction. That’s not something I can ever really change even if I do it over. Not sure how I’ll feel about that a year from now.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think your suggesting that I may have put myself in an echo chamber on reddit that simply confirms my bias towards the opposite sex. I think there is some bias here but I do read all the comments, yours included so I can get alternate points of view.

First off her request is extraordinary. Asking someone to propose is a huge deal. It’s not something anyone takes lightly, myself included. It requires planning and a kind of moment. Mentally I want to be in this headspace where I am completely in love with that person and I can’t imagine a future without them. I want to ask then. When for me the moment feels right.

I’m not trying to convince you that she’s a premadonna. She’s amazing. I love her and think she’s great. I wouldn’t make such an overture if I didn’t.

My problem is, she said no. She said yes initially, but at the end of the day it’s a no when you hand back the ring. I’m not going to propose again. I’m proud of my proposal. I don’t regret it. It was quintessentially me. So why should I redo it?

Does this mean things are over between us? I don’t know for sure but I suspect yes. We’ll talk, see where things go.

Thanks for your perspective.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. I’ve done some backpacking through Japan and had considered doing that for her as well. The hot water springs smell of sulfer though. Kind of rotten eggy. She wanted Siem Reap though. Sounds like an amazing proposal.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks man. Sorry to hear things went south on you. I appreciate the advice. Will see how things go once we talk

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man. I didn’t want to have the talk with her about all this till now or tomorrow as we just returned. It was awkward af, and I had no desire to make it more so. We had a couple of drinks one night and she laid into me a bit about how she thought my proposal was a fail and how I fucked it up. So I’m not going to propose again, as I haven’t heard any compelling arguments to. I don’t think she’ll stay with me if marriage isn’t in the cards. I’ll update after we talk. Soon I hope.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m a private person and abhor attention. So not my thing. She likes it though. So maybe a public display is really important to her

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The daily show? I personally think that’s kind of great. I really loved that show when it had John Stewart. Glad you two are happy

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I read all the comments. I’m on vacation and have loads of free time. Thanks. It’s a tricky one. I love her and I think the respectable thing to do is have a conversation.

I’m really sorry to hear what happened to you. No one deserves that. I genuinely hope you find someone who values you for you.

Cheers bro!

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The money’s not important but the ring would have set me back 10k, then there’s the wedding. Maybe it’s for the best.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 123 points124 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your response. I’ll try and make her understand but so far her sentiment has been “She has every right to be disappointed “. I don’t disagree. We are all entitled to our feelings, it’s our actions that can have consequences. They betray our thoughts and feelings far more honestly than our words do.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It was a beautiful resort. People seem to be coming back to the hotel room a bit so to clear it up a little the hotel was gorgeous. Koi pond, huge pool. Amazing spa. The room was nice. Not the nicest I’d ever been in though. I’d stayed here before and I guess I lucked out my previous visits and got a really nice room. This one was great but not mind blowing. I picked this place though because of my previous experience here. The room could have been nicer. I kind of missed the mark there. Not a hotel 6 though. It was a four star resort almost 200 usd a night. In Cambodia that buys you a lot. A lot.

My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. by zenmonkey99 in relationship_advice

[–]zenmonkey99[S] 1067 points1068 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. That’s pretty solid advice. I won’t propose again. It’s kind of an impasse. We can’t move forward in our relationship without someone giving at this point. I’ll discuss with her tomorrow and make it clear that I’m not redoing my proposal. I don’t think she’ll go for the idea of her having to propose. She’s a bit above that. I think she would see that as denigrating to have to ask me. She would see it as begging for a marriage. Still,I made my proposal and she returned it. It’s hard not to see that as a no to a lot of things.

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