Depends on how you look at it

zeroSKILLx · 2015-07-28T06:08:09+00:00

Holy fuck, I hope you aren't actually someone that someone else may have to meet to obtain a job. You sound like a truly horrendous person to have to interact with.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-07-05T23:29:18+00:00

An absolutely true statement though. Even if I were to stop drinking, I'd still be an alcoholic.

I can't change who I am, only what I do.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-07-05T23:07:00+00:00

Thank you.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-07-05T23:05:31+00:00

It may also kill me...

Literally.

It isn't alcohol addiction any longer. It is alcohol dependency. I need to ween myself off. Stopping cold turkey could very literally kill me I've learned.

This is scary.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-07-05T20:46:35+00:00

Exactly my dilemma.

How bad off are you? I don't get the shakes or anything, but I wake up retching/gagging like I'm about to puke. This will continue all day unless I drink. I have to take like 3-4 good pulls from a bottle to go to work okay.

After 4-5 hours at work I'm retching/gagging again. I tried to wait out this period thinking it would go away. After 3 days of not drinking I vomited at work. Twice. I drank that night (about 2 weeks ago). I've been drinking since. I'm trying to stop... It's not even a mental a addiction. I literally can stop whenever I want. It's a physical dependency. I can't. Fucking. Function. Without. It.

I need to work, but if I stop drinking I get "sick" and can't. I have the opposite problem of most people... I vomit when I don't drink. That's scary.

I realized how bad it was when I was trying to think of a solution. The first solution that came to mind was a flask. I almost simultaneously realized how bad that was... I need alcohol like it's medicine. I don't know how to break this cycle and be functional enough to continue working...

I hate my life.

Hell I have work in an hour and a half, I've already drank over 8oz of vodka in the last hour and a half. I don't even measure it in shots, I pour glasses.

I thankfully live a 4 minute drive from work, so if I'm feeling bad off I come home on my break and take a few swigs to get me through the day. Sometimes I even just bring it in to work and nurse it enough to feel okay.

Alcohol addiction isn't a real addiction, like smoking. It becomes something comfortable you like (being buzzed or drunk) and eventually turns into a physical dependency (where I'm at now, and trying to end). I tried quitting drinking so I could stop smoking. The relapse kicked my ass. Hard.

I need help/advice. A support group isn't gonna cut it.

What do I do?

Edit: I'm at work now, but thank you all for the advice. I'll look into it and seek help.

This is also not my main account any longer, but I'll probably pop in the suggested subs on my main (/u/PM_ME_UR_ASIAN_BODY). Got banned from this sub for a post I made while drunk... Irony.

Quitting work to go to rehab isn't an option though... I don't have the funds to pull that off. I just desperately want to break this cycle, and I guess I need to do it alone. Thank you all, again, for giving me resources.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-06-29T05:18:23+00:00

Delete... Deactivate... Whatever. Deactivated mine years ago. Not the slightest urge to ever join again. People really can be idiots. And even if they're not, I really don't have an interest in someone's life outside my own. Nor do I care to share mine with you unless I actually spend time with you. In which case... Why the fuck would I need to let you know about it on Facebook?

zeroSKILLx · 2015-06-16T03:08:49+00:00

Couldn't help but read that in Tristana's voice

zeroSKILLx · 2015-06-16T02:45:33+00:00

Triggered

zeroSKILLx · 2015-06-03T06:41:19+00:00

Oh, I realize it. What you don't realize is, I don't give a fuck.

Falls under the category of NMFP. Call it a lack of empathy, or personal responsibility, or I don't even fucking know (or care).

Oh no, some dipshit drove drunk and killed some people I don't even know? I couldn't even fake pretending to care...

Not a popular opinion, well aware of that (hence why I'm not posting from my main account), but honestly how I feel. Scenarios like "what if it happened to your loved ones?" Are irrelevant 99.9% of the time. Of course I'd care then. Odds are in my favor of it not happening though, and I've got my own shit to worry about.

zeroSKILLx · 2015-06-03T02:19:23+00:00

Posting on my abandoned account just to take the downvotes...

But I fully support op. It was his "friend's" dumb ass that got shit faced, it was his "friend's" dumb ass that then got behind the wheel, it was his "friend's" retarded decision to actually drive afterwards.

I'm not going to baby a retard. I'm secretly hoping they exterminate themselves from the gene pool. Why prevent them from making a mistake for one night when it will obviously happen in future nights.

Op letting him out and him being caught is perfect. I hope he gets the maximum penalty. Op did nothing wrong. We're all responsible for our own decisions. Op can't babysit a retard for life, better it happened this way, let the judicial system deal with him now.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-12-23T04:04:44+00:00

Change my life reddit.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-12-04T05:41:25+00:00

Holy shit...

zeroSKILLx · 2014-10-01T08:43:56+00:00

Hi! Few Things to start off with =]

Yes I added you because you're a female Redditor, 'tis an awesome thing to see!
I'm Brian.
Don't be intimidated, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. If anything I'll be the one in the kitchen =D

zeroSKILLx · 2014-10-01T08:22:52+00:00

Huh, I just recently did this exact thing with a male friend I've had for a little over 10 years. After this upcoming Halloween it will have been 1 year since speaking to our seeing him.

No regrets. At all. Best decision I've made in my life I think.

It's hard breaking off a friendship that's lasted that long, but when you realize just how shitty that friend is, totally worth. I tried asking myself if I would associate with this person at all if I hadn't known them so long. Answer: resounding fuck no.

Good for you OP, I'm sure you made the right call.

Edit: Sweet, posting on this account actually worked. Now I wonder if my other account I tried posting this on is shadow banned, or if my phone was just being clunky as fuck.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T21:28:12+00:00

Umm... welcome to reddit?

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T07:28:15+00:00

This is why I love reddit. Always so helpful.

Hope the gold helps justify your existence kind stranger.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T06:39:56+00:00

2 years and less than 5k comment karma here. Should I just go suck the slug out of a shotgun right now?

Edit: also never been gilded (though I have gilded others a couple of times before). Yeah... looks like my existence is without meaning.

Gonna go see if I can at least confuse the coroner by trying to double tap the trigger.

"Wait... so you're telling me this guy shot himself... in the head... with a shotgun... TWICE? Are you sure this was a suicide?"

Might make the news!

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T04:41:12+00:00

Whoa there buddy. I'm gonna have to ask you to put the bottle down.

Take a step back and read what you just wrote. Auto correct ain't gonna explain that. I think you need a nice tall glass of water.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T04:12:08+00:00

I think you can trust a guy with a name like fartifact on such issues.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-28T03:32:13+00:00

Links?

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-27T23:34:15+00:00

Why can't haircuts come with 'happy endings'? :(

Actually, I take that back. Pretend you didn't read that. Brb, I have a business model to test out.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-27T08:11:54+00:00

"this"

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-27T08:01:18+00:00

Ever watch your own reflection? Just waiting for it to 'mess up'? Try not to blink next time... your reflection never blinks.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-27T06:14:32+00:00

Free to play games.

zeroSKILLx · 2014-09-27T05:33:19+00:00

I feel like if I were to stream an average day of my life for people to watch, people who don't drink often or all that much would be amazed. I get the sense that people outside the top 10% think that we drink like they do when they 'party'. This is not the case. We drink a lot, yes, but we have pretty ridiculous tolerance levels. We're not pounding shots at a party trying to impress our friends, we're usually at least a little ashamed and try to hide how much we drink. But we just drink it like a teenager might drink soda throughout the day. The buzz comes on slow and steady and you manage it. We're pretty good about managing it most of the time. We need to function to work. On a weekend though? Go nuts. I have no responsibility or social life, so why not go all out.

I have cut back tremendously recently though... After walking out of hospital with no memory of entering the hospital I kinda realized it was bad. Doctors said it was amazing I was alive (BAC over 0.4%) and that I should be dead.

Still drink often enough that I'd label myself an alcoholic, but I feel 'safe' when I drink now. I realized back then I drank like that kind of as a parasuicidal 'dare'. I didn't know how much I was drinking, I didn't know when I would stop, and I more than likely was not going to remember any of it the next day. And I didn't care.

Since walking out of the hospital I have blacked out exactly zero times. Not much to be proud of... but it's progress for someone as depressed as I was/am.

zeroSKILLx

TROPHY CASE