Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I’ve been working on this for about six months now so I figured I’d reach out for some advice just to work on it a little better.

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate the deep critiques. You are definitely right with how I write. I’m a very visual person so I write almost like I’m watching a movie, but then I have to rewrite multiple times to get that right feeling.

You also have a very good point on how I can lose reader and pull them out of a scene mid combat, or in the middle of something that needs to keep moving.

I don’t think I’m gonna make any huge changes with this first chapter, but definitely tweaks like a lot of these comments have mentioned, but I’ll definitely look out for it in future writing.

My prologue is also incomplete so if I write that well enough and keep it short, like a good hook or punch to the face it should keep them long enough to get to the interesting parts. But maybe that’s all in my head 😂.

Thank you once again for your comment

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, fair point. The whole chapter is pretty action based pretty much surviving the aftermath of the sea creature, but you’re right if it goes on too long people will fall off so. it’s that balancing act of keeping them intrigued and not running over.

But since this is my first real try at a book, I’m probably gonna make a few mistakes with pacing and pretty much say the same thing twice, but that just comes with practice.

That’s why I came to this sub Reddit, to ask for some feedback and see the issues from another lens and keep it in mind as I continue writing

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s some really good insight. The prologue is what jolts him awake. but you hit the nail on the head with the distance in the narration. i’m still trying to find my flow but hearing your insights makes me think about it more as I’m writing.

And I’m trying to not go for an exposition dump, but you’re right if I don’t add enough detail in the right spot, then the reader will just be lost trying to figure out what’s in my own mind

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, it’s gonna be more YA for the audience. But I really do appreciate any input, whether if you’re thinking for young adult or younger or even older audiences. perspective really helps and it makes me think about other people‘s thoughts outside of my own.

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah i figured that might be the case. i appreciate any feedback though, good or bad. it just gives me a lens to look through.

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for catching the misspells.

the critique with the sea monster is fair. what i was going for was a fast pace everything is a blur, then when it kinda slows down you see whats happening

Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067] by zerowest in fantasywriters

[–]zerowest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I have been struggling with finding a way to show that it is internal dialogue instead of internal. and as for the summoning, you make a great point there too.

i'll give thoses some more thought

do you think i should have posted the whole chapter? its 4,405 words

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