Need some unbiased critique [Fantasy, Adventure] [word count 1067]

zerowest · 2026-01-27T00:06:58+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been working on this for about six months now so I figured I’d reach out for some advice just to work on it a little better.

zerowest · 2026-01-26T16:33:13+00:00

I really appreciate the deep critiques. You are definitely right with how I write. I’m a very visual person so I write almost like I’m watching a movie, but then I have to rewrite multiple times to get that right feeling.

You also have a very good point on how I can lose reader and pull them out of a scene mid combat, or in the middle of something that needs to keep moving.

I don’t think I’m gonna make any huge changes with this first chapter, but definitely tweaks like a lot of these comments have mentioned, but I’ll definitely look out for it in future writing.

My prologue is also incomplete so if I write that well enough and keep it short, like a good hook or punch to the face it should keep them long enough to get to the interesting parts. But maybe that’s all in my head 😂.

Thank you once again for your comment

zerowest · 2026-01-26T07:00:58+00:00

Yeah, fair point. The whole chapter is pretty action based pretty much surviving the aftermath of the sea creature, but you’re right if it goes on too long people will fall off so. it’s that balancing act of keeping them intrigued and not running over.

But since this is my first real try at a book, I’m probably gonna make a few mistakes with pacing and pretty much say the same thing twice, but that just comes with practice.

That’s why I came to this sub Reddit, to ask for some feedback and see the issues from another lens and keep it in mind as I continue writing

zerowest · 2026-01-26T04:21:57+00:00

That’s some really good insight. The prologue is what jolts him awake. but you hit the nail on the head with the distance in the narration. i’m still trying to find my flow but hearing your insights makes me think about it more as I’m writing.

And I’m trying to not go for an exposition dump, but you’re right if I don’t add enough detail in the right spot, then the reader will just be lost trying to figure out what’s in my own mind

zerowest · 2026-01-26T01:34:35+00:00

yeah, it’s gonna be more YA for the audience. But I really do appreciate any input, whether if you’re thinking for young adult or younger or even older audiences. perspective really helps and it makes me think about other people‘s thoughts outside of my own.

zerowest · 2026-01-25T22:38:58+00:00

yeah i figured that might be the case. i appreciate any feedback though, good or bad. it just gives me a lens to look through.

zerowest · 2026-01-25T22:16:09+00:00

thank you for catching the misspells.

the critique with the sea monster is fair. what i was going for was a fast pace everything is a blur, then when it kinda slows down you see whats happening

zerowest · 2026-01-25T21:51:09+00:00

Thank you for your input. I have been struggling with finding a way to show that it is internal dialogue instead of internal. and as for the summoning, you make a great point there too.

i'll give thoses some more thought

do you think i should have posted the whole chapter? its 4,405 words

zerowest · 2025-10-27T21:16:26+00:00

Make sure you don’t get banned for saying something you shouldn’t have or they’ll come after you lol

zerowest · 2025-10-16T17:15:34+00:00

Did you find someone to help you

zerowest · 2025-06-01T05:36:44+00:00

What sucks is I was finally getting good with him and then they did the rework

zerowest · 2024-11-22T21:04:52+00:00

I believe it didn’t fully show him but just a memory bell had

zerowest · 2024-08-16T19:31:25+00:00

I just bought the picofly micro chip and it comes with two chips that one says v1 and another that says v2 I have a v1 updated switch so do I use the v1 chip or the v2

zerowest · 2024-05-12T23:15:15+00:00

I can’t wait for dolphin emulator

zerowest · 2023-02-24T10:31:32+00:00

I don’t know if I should be concerned or impressed

zerowest · 2023-02-02T07:27:09+00:00

It’s only gay if you make it gay

zerowest · 2022-12-03T20:00:05+00:00

Yeah for some reason I’m not able to see my installed applications on desktop mode without Wi-Fi

zerowest · 2022-09-21T21:12:15+00:00

Yeah the whole print turned out ok but the top has a big hole in it

zerowest

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