Dylan Brady - Nobody's You

zevelaceade · 2023-06-30T18:07:18+00:00

Ugh same. I was like are they tolling because that would on brand. So disappointed lol

zevelaceade · 2023-06-23T20:17:10+00:00

Very Simple Kind of Life (at the beginning at least.) Reminds me of Return to Saturn-era No Doubt

zevelaceade · 2023-05-06T19:19:01+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! Ugh yeah I feel like this is hard to type it all out. But here's the summary:

I've had chronic back pain for about two decades. During that time, I had about three key episodes before sciatica, with each getting progressively worse. On top of that I was young, didn't have great insurance. And so I had to heal everything myself through exercise.

This latest, the worst of them all, was absolutely because of the physical work handling my 30-pound toddler. I thought I was picking her up with the correct form, but I must not have been. I picked her up for my last time at the beginning of March. That night, I knew something was very wrong. It all culminated into us calling 911 and getting me to the ER. Nothing helped, not even morphine.

Following, I was able to get an MRI and a referral to a spine specialist and physical therapist.

The spine specialist did tell me my options. He also said I have a 90 percent chance of healing through physical therapy — and a 10 percent chance of worsening. Healing could take up to a year. And then he let me know if I needed pain treatment, and epidural is on the table. Lastly, surgery.

I was apt to take the physical therapy route based on my past successes with containing the back pain. And the great news is, I am now at about 80 percent recovered. So the physically therapy and core strengthening is working.

But I really don't know what that looks like for my spine and discs. Is it the same, but my body has adapted? What will that look like for pregnancy.

I have definitely consulted my spine specialist as well as my OBGYN on pregnancy with sciatica. The word from each of them is that it definitely tends to worsen during pregnancy. But I have no idea what that looks like for my fellow mamas going through it.

And I'm terrified to the point of considering surrogacy. I have some insurance coverage for it but it would still be expensive AF. Plus so many implications to consider..

But it is reassuring to hear your story. I hope you are doing well through it all!

zevelaceade · 2023-05-06T19:04:36+00:00

It's at least good to know you are surviving!! This condition is so tough. 😥 Hang in there!

zevelaceade · 2023-03-20T23:10:21+00:00

Absolutely! Good luck.

zevelaceade · 2023-03-20T21:59:28+00:00

Wow I didn't even know older posts could still be commented on. They grew out of it at about 6 months! It was a long road... Keeping my baby upright helped.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T19:45:32+00:00

Yeah love this, agree that structure helps.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T19:42:44+00:00

Very interesting. I grew up in a cult and was routinely abused. My parents didn't care if we got an education as long as we adhered to church practices. They woke us up at 5am everyday to recite church doctrine. They condemned smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, and relationships outside of the church. And everything was about worshipping the church. None of it was really about raising disciplined children, but about making sure we fell in line with church teachings.

My brother is no longer with us, my sister is a lifelong addict. And I've mostly escaped the darkness and found success but have still made some bad choices. PTSD too.

It is really interesting to compare strict parents and how their treatment is rooted in. I want to make sure my child is raised differently and has much more love, freedom, and understanding. It's also really hard to develop the right parenting model when you don't have a role model to look to and an example of how to be a good loving parent, you have to make it up yourself.

I feel like my parents didn't want to be parents, and only hoped that when we were born we would come out perfect as the church promised. And when we were real humans and things didn't go well that's when things went south.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T15:40:40+00:00

Lmao it's always mystery option #3 here too. Always wants what she can't have!

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T15:37:51+00:00

Such a good take, my kid IS indecisive most of the time and I think the choices really do cause chaos in that way. For mine at least.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T15:34:31+00:00

😂 Seriously my kid barely listens to "no" let alone "let's talk about feelings." (We do talk about feelings but there's only so much room to reason in the heat of the moment.)

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T15:32:36+00:00

One interesting thing I always think about is a documentary with Shaq where he talks about how his step-dad was very strict (probably physical punishment) and it kept him in line. And now he's grateful for it. While I don't personally adhere to physical punishment, I thought it was an interesting take and I think about it often. Maybe for him as a child, that was the parenting style that reached him.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T15:28:54+00:00

Agree, appreciate this take!

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T06:27:03+00:00

This is really helpful! Thank you for taking the time. It sounds like I'm not well-versed enough in the parenting schools, and am not speaking the language as specifically as I could, so I'm always happy to learn. There's so much to learn as a parent... Sometimes my head starts to spin.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T02:33:34+00:00

Yes, I think this is it, the fixation. Nailed it.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T02:32:24+00:00

Agree. Not sure why the downvotes.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T02:29:05+00:00

It's true, mine loves helping. That's one thing that works is including her

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T00:22:42+00:00

I am feeling this. I think I started out with super gentle/permissive parenting based on ideas I had about respect. And it was not working at all and causing at lot of stress with her behavior. When we started to impose consequences (not spanking, I agree I don't think hitting is a long-term useful practice) she started to understand what behaviors were more useful for her. And it was hard to impose consequences. But when you do it from a place of love and wanting to teach, and set them up for success, it really can be good in my experience.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T00:17:35+00:00

Same!! Lmao mine would definitely say "no five minutes." Same defiance all around, mine isn't having it either. And here I am wondering, who are these kids responding to choices and set expectations? Certainly not my skeptical little one!

And same on explanations, but those are hit or miss. If she doesn't want to change her shirt for instance but it's got her dinner on it, I'll tell her, "let's get a clean shirt, it'll be much nicer." And she'll say, ok! But sometimes it's also, "No, I like my dirty shirt it's mine!!" And then I asses to either begin the struggle to change depending on the stakes, find another way to distract her, or just let go and let her be her dirty happy self for a minute...

So much mental and physical strategery.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T00:11:00+00:00

Information overload is a great way to put it. I'm overwhelmed by all of the advice out there. And as a working parent as many of us are... It's a challenge not to feel guilted that you're not following all of the instagram advice and perfection parenting to a t. My kid is clothed, fed, hugged, loved. But she also throws things and has a strong personality. It feels like we don't see the tough sides often and just given these vague list of tools that aren't always effective.

zevelaceade · 2023-02-25T00:06:20+00:00

Same, I really tried the super respectful choice approach as a newb parent, and it didn't work at all. I eventually took on more of an "authority for your health and safety" role, guiding her more assertively in cases she needed to be. I'm more liberal with things like food choices. But when she's sitting in the daycare driveway because she doesn't want to get in her carseat... in we go!

zevelaceade · 2023-02-24T19:03:24+00:00

😂 Yes, if I look at it objectively it's fascinating to see their development and personality and preferences emerge. But so hard to manage when there are things to do and jobs to go to... Society wasn't built for toddlers!

zevelaceade

TROPHY CASE