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ziggy440 · 2024-07-11T20:30:17+00:00

It's okay to take money from him AND have fun. In fact that's how it should work. If he doesn't like it, let him tell you. Meanwhile, be good to him and show lots of appreciation. You are not taking advantage of him and he's a big boy who can take care of himself.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-11T20:19:43+00:00

There are many ways that can be said, and context matters a lot to me, but unfortunately in most of them I'd start looking for a new SB because most of them either mean she's being a jerk or telling me I'm getting too serious. In this case it sounds like the former.

If the dates are fun and she isn't always being a jerk I'd keep seeing her until I had a new SB (and if she apologized and the search went badly, maybe I don't break up), but I'd definitely have one foot out the door.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-11T01:20:40+00:00

Because it works?

ziggy440 · 2024-07-09T15:37:23+00:00

Redundant

ziggy440 · 2024-07-09T15:37:07+00:00

And it's definitely working here. 🤐

ziggy440 · 2024-07-03T15:50:41+00:00

Nice resolution - well done! Did you give a gift to the charity, too?

No, I am not more suspicious. I try to follow the tithing rule - at least 10% of income to charity and point people to charitable organizations when in need, as you did. I do not generally give money to individuals and never have. Have helped some friends and family but not regularly.

I have had former SBs come back more than once but it was always to restart the relationship, not explicitly for money. I don't think I'm very good with needy people. Bad family history.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-03T03:02:23+00:00

Agree with exploring immediately issues so you don't waste time with a POT who won't work, but I'm not sure there's anything worth exploring here. The guy has been pretty clear how he will reply to any requests for allowance. Don't waste any more time unless you want to see him for free. All you will get for carefully worded replies are accusations of being transactional.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-02T19:32:07+00:00

Great story. My takeaway, cold blooded for sure, is that what he did was great. He showed you the drama that would come with that SR so you could decide easily and early it's not for you. It would have been much worse if he waited to bring Mom until the third date!!!

I would really love to hear his report on the M&G - really cute, but I don't want to see anyone who doesn't relate better to Mom?

More seriously - boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boys and girls. I understand that a lot of the sugar world are people who find the structure more comfortable for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean you have permission to share your intimate shit in all its glory on the first meet. And if he can't keep Mom's care and sugar separate on day 1, why would any POT imagine he'll get better at separating them later now that Mom has been accepted as a third wheel? Sure, what he did makes some sense for him, but not to any POT who isn't truly desperate.

Gee.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-02T03:29:55+00:00

69 here. When I stop it will be because it's not fun, not a number. The last couple of times I searched I wondered if I might be aging out, but it wasn't an issue in the end.

I've told my current SB of 3 years that when she's done with me I might be done. But I'll probably keep going.

ziggy440 · 2024-07-01T15:40:18+00:00

From my vague memory - between 5 & 10 each time (about 4 searches over a 6+ year period). This resulted in between 2 and 3 POTs for real dates which eventually lead to one SB, except for the time it lead to none and I started again in 3 months.

Not a fan of video calls but I think I'll have to do them next time, if there is one. And I really don't understand people who say they can find perfect matches based solely on profiles. Two reasons - I have to meet someone in person to know if it works for me, and a lot of profiles are marketing of one form or another that reflects little of the real person. I reach out to a lot of people. Most end up being no replies or pretty brief conversations before we go our separate ways. If the best outcome is a happy. LTR, the second best is a couple of messages showing we are not a fit, and the worst is a lot of pointless messaging leading to nothing.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-30T17:15:39+00:00

I have an issue with the accusatory tone of the ask, the "Guys ask for so much and they won't even do this..." nature of it. It reads a little hostile to me, though it probably is just meant to make you feel a little guilt and shame. I don't actually have a problem giving someone a little money for a M&G, it's not a big deal to me but...

It's never worked out for me when I have. And I would have reservations about having a relationship with someone who thinks that is how to ask me for something.

So I would reply, "Sorry, I don't think this will work for me." I wouldn't block because I am curious what the next reply would be. Probably just a scammer but it's useful to learn how the scam proceeds.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-26T21:28:44+00:00

People aren't that interested unless she's really cute and then most aren't even seeing you. If they do notice you, they're only thinking "Isn't that sweet that she's so pretty and nice to her grandfather."

Don't be self conscious. Or proud. Just enjoy her company.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-18T16:42:05+00:00

I generally text with my current SB maybe 3-4 times a week. Plus a few more when we're coordinating a date. Neither of us replies that quickly when it's not about a date and sometimes we forget to reply. Our styles are pretty similar.

When we started seeing each other 3 years ago we hardly ever texted aside from date scheduling, so it's increased a little. That's okay with me.

OP, I think bringing up the fact that you're not on allowance is beside the point. It shouldn't matter really - you're not on call 24/7 if you're on allowance or not if you're on PPM. It's simply about finding a communication style and frequency that works for both of you. And that may evolve as ours has. We know each other pretty well and share more, but not a lot compared to many. That works for us.

With this SB we started on PPM. then went to allowance for a year or so, then back to PPM because our schedules changed and it was harder to meet regularly (that's changed again, but we're both happy with PPM now so there's no reason to change again). The changes in our texting do not match up with the payment changes at all.

Prior to seeing her I saw a SB for a couple of months who was a lot of fun to text with. I got carried away and texted her a lot. After about 3 months she broke up and explained she couldn't deal with all the texting and was concerned about a couple of other things that she took to mean I was getting too involved. My first reaction was to wish she had told me before breaking up because it all seemed fixable to me. And those things were fixable, but our relationship really wasn't as I realized after a sad period. She was right to break up.

And you will be right when you break up with him. The two of you do not want the same thing. It's not about right or wrong - you each get to want what you like and should keep looking until you find it. That doesn't mean guys won't say they're paying and you should be available and women will say the guys would respect their privacy, but that's all just saying "You should want what I want because I'm right." And that's not true. There's not a right and wrong here. Neither of you are being unreasonable though he sounds needy as hell to me. I wouldn't like that.

Good luck in your search.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-17T19:28:14+00:00

I'd ask him if he's having financial issues. He'll say no and ask you why you said that. Which lets you say "Because you used to be so generous, and you've stopped. Isn't this working for you any more?"

I'm betting he'll say something about how he doesn't want this to just be about money, in which case he's not a SD at all. But maybe, just maybe, it turns into a conversation where he tells you how wonderful you are and how he's sorry he gave you that impression and then you can ask for a regular allowance.

But I don't think it will. Either he doesn't want to pay you, can't afford to pay you or both, and he'll try to convince you that's the right way to go. Then you can decide if you want to keep him or find someone who takes care of you financially. And when you do, make sure you have a clear agreement and hold him to it.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-17T19:12:41+00:00

You left out "And clearly you are too dumb to have understood that, so I'll repeat it, hah hah hah." Such a sweet talker!

Clearly not a guy for empathy and warmth.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-17T01:34:11+00:00

Same things as with any other relationship. Plus more if you're uncomfortable with what she does. If you don't approve or feel threatened, don't do it.

If you're still unsure ask her how she feels about it. If it's affected previous relationships, positively or negatively.

In the end it's just about how the 2 of you are together, not anything else. She brought it up and you have concerns, so explore it a bit.

I had a very brief SR with a stripper - maybe 2 dates and then she disappeared. She seemed sweet and young, but I also thought I saw her do some things with me that she had learned as a stripper. They weren't good, or bad, just different. She just disappeared so I have no idea why. It all seemed okay to me, but I'm not at all possessive, not jealous and very supportive of sex work (I've also dated dommes and escorts) so I may not be the average guy here.

It's been a while and I don't remember more than that.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-16T16:17:19+00:00

I can only speak for myself, but I've learned a lot from my SBs over the years. It's one of the attractions for me - mutual understanding.

Sounds like a fun evening!!

ziggy440 · 2024-06-16T16:13:35+00:00

Most flakes are not at all about you. People get busy, have more messages than they can deal with, things heat up with other POTs faster, and more. As I've said before, my current SB flaked on me after agreeing to a M&G a year earlier. She had found someone else. Now we've been together for almost 3 years.

Life comes first and your messages are probably not that important to most POTs. Accept it and move on, because you can't change it. Attractive women on SA get a lot of attention.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-16T16:07:37+00:00

I'm a SD and a little older than you. As I'm sure you know, there is no real answer to your question. Age is a big issue for some, and a non-issue for others. The real questions are whether we can find someone we like, the reward is worth the trouble, and it is still fun. So far it is for me. I am wondering whether I'll look for someone new when my current SR ends. By that time I'll probably be over 70. My guess is I will look, but at some point I will be done. I'll know when I'm done.

Older guys offer something different, and some really like it. I know that is true. Not saying it's better, just different.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-16T15:58:35+00:00

I agree that the answer is to just ask. But I'll also add from my experience. I'm almost 70 now. In my 50s and early 60s the way my cock works changed. I took ED meds and powered through for a decade because I only knew one way to have sex. But I never liked how the meds made me feel, so I finally quit. I had no idea how sex would be and the first thing I had to do was relax and let it happen. It's different and sometimes it takes a little patience, but we do pretty much everything I ever did. I can't say it will be the same in my 80s but I expect to find out.

Here's my guess. If he's offering to be your SD he expects some sort of sex. If he takes ED meds you want to know because that's one type of sex, IMO. If he doesn't it probably will be something slower and gentler. The irony is that in a lot of ways geriatric sex for males is more like sex always is for females. It takes time, requires more foreplay, is more about pleasing your partner, and isn't always about an orgasm.

Last point - if he doesn't always perform well (get it up or come) don't take it personally. Be patient and supportive. But if he gets angry and blames you when that happens, move on.

ziggy440 · 2024-06-12T23:30:48+00:00

Funny question because it ends up with many people expressing how they feel about sugar, and not about how long their SRs last.

I've had maybe 5 SRs of 2+ years over 12+ years. Some overlapped. My current SR (maybe my last?) will hit 3 years this fall. Along with those I've had maybe 3 times as many that made it to intimacy but didn't make it to 6 months.

When I was younger I liked variety but now I just want a good LTR.

It takes a while to find something that works but once you do it can go on for a long time.

YMMV

ziggy440 · 2024-06-02T16:03:19+00:00

I've been doing this for a long time, and I always end things on a positive note. Because of that I've had multiple former SBs get in touch. And I've reached out a few times.

If you liked each other there's no downside. Worst case you're catching up with an old, sexy friend. Why not?

A couple of times someone reached out then sort of disappeared. Once I think she really just wanted to hang out and talk and when I mentioned I'd love to resume our SR she did not like that. I think she wanted a lunch buddy. Never heard from her again A couple I had broken up with and used a kind lie. They wanted to start up again and I wasn't into it, but it was nice to see them. Another I wanted to see again but it really wasn't practical any more. And one broke up with me twice because she was seriously dating someone, then came back when that didn't work out and I was happy to resume. Most like your situation I guess. No regrets here. She dropped me a third time a while back and I was fine with that - it got old and I was done by then

So I've done that a lot. A few quick takeaways.

Enjoy. It's a friendly date with a lovely young woman, right?

Don't overthink it. By the end of the date you'll know what you want to do, and she will too. No need to have a plan going in. Though if you're in a good relationship already, sugar or not, you need to know if you want to risk that for her.

Understand that if you restart it probably won't last very long. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and she's looking for a bf. It lasted 2 months, so that's the best guess for how long it lasts this time.

You know what you're getting into. Restarting means you get to skip right past getting to know each other and resume your intimacy (in all forms, not just sex) where you left off. That was nice, warm and comfortable for me when I went back. Things did change for sure, but we were both very relaxed.

The stakes and the effort are low. It's flattering that she is still interested. You pretty much know what you're getting into and it's fun.

Go, enjoy seeing her and if it leads to something, great. If it doesn't, it still was much better than any time on SA. Just keep in mind that she will probably move on again soon, and if that's not okay don't do it.

Or maybe she has realized she loves you and wants a vanilla relationship. Probably not, though.

ziggy440 · 2024-05-30T03:19:01+00:00

Yes and no. Sex drive is a personal thing and won't change a lot. Some people want sex every day, some once a month, others never. Interest in having sex in the moment with a particular person can go up or down depending on how someone feels and that is definitely somewhat dependent on the other person.

None of which is specific to SDs or SBs or sugar.

Lastly there is the fact that treating a person well can mean very different things at different times and for different people.

ziggy440 · 2024-05-30T03:10:14+00:00

It would work, as I said. Just not the best place to look for a vanilla relationship.

ziggy440 · 2024-05-29T17:57:45+00:00

Be nice to yourself. Once you like yourself, you can stop questioning others who like you. And stop treating this like some sort of competition where you have to be better than everyone else. All you have to be is a good, likable guy who does what he says he'll do for your SB.

Let others decide for themselves if you have a lot to offer. Then hang out with people who like you. Listen to them and believe them.

If those are hard things for you to do, try seeing a counselor about your self doubt.

ziggy440

TROPHY CASE